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JewishJournal.com

August 10, 2011

We Have a New Winner! Worst Online Date Ever

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/we_have_a_new_winner_worst_online_dating_date_ever_20110810/

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I should have known better than to go on JDate again.  I have never had luck there, and after quitting for good, I joined for one month because Jill Zarin of the Real Housewives of New York City told me I needed to give it another shot.  I love you Jill, but huge mistake.

While looking around last week, amazed that the men are using the same pictures they did years ago when I was on, I got an instant message from a guy we’ll call “Loser”.  He said hello and we emailed for a few minutes.  We then decided we would talk on the phone.

Loser and I spoke on the phone for 3 hours.  We laughed and learned a little bit about each other and I felt confident I had met someone I wanted to know better.  We talked several times over the next couple of days and made plans to meet for dinner.

Last night we met at a restaurant he suggested.  Our date was set for 7:30.  He texted me at exactly 7:30 to say he was there and was I still coming.  A little odd, but whatever.  I texted that I was on my way, and I arrived at 7:32.  He was waiting outside.

He gave me a hug, kiss on the cheek and we went in.  We sat down at the sushi bar and he pointed out that I was late.  I apologized for being 2 minutes late and so the date began.  He then went on to tell me, after 3 minutes together, that I was funnier and more open on the phone.

I was not sure what he meant and asked him why he felt that way, and he told me he just felt I was better over the phone than in person.  I’m not sure what one is supposed to do with that information, so I let it go.  He then complained about the portion size of the sushi rolls.

We had been together for 10 minutes at this point and I was not having a good time.  I felt uncomfortable and sadly it just got worse from there.  When we spoke on the phone I told him I had tattoos.  When noticed my one small but visible tattoo, he said it made me look slutty.

He then went into detail about how only slutty women have tattoos, and I was a bad Jew.  He said he could never take me to meet his mother, as she would not approve of “a girl like me”.  His Jewish mother would be offended by my tats but his Catholic ex-girlfriend was okay?

Speaking of his ex-girlfriend, he spoke at great length about her and their break up on the phone. It had been 6 months and he was totally over her.  What he failed to mention on the phone, but told me at dinner, was that although no longer his girlfriend, they now lived together.

The man I spoke with on the phone did not come to dinner. Instead I was with a liar who was still in a relationship with his girlfriend, and thought I was a both a slut and a bad Jew.  Incase that was not enough to put me over the edge, he then asked me what size my bra was.

He asked me this question right after he told me I “had a nice rack”.  This was one classy guy.  By classy of course I mean he was rude, obnoxious, and a compulsive liar.  I lasted 32 minutes before I told him I was leaving.  He seemed genuinely surprised.

The same man, who when he asked me what perfume I was wearing, and I responded Stella McCartney, asked why I would wear perfume made by a woman with a wooden leg, this man was surprised that I was getting up and leaving him alone?  Really?  Come on.

I was amazed by how confused he was by my leaving.  I reminded him he was insulting and lied about everything.  He insisted that withholding information was not the same as lying, and therefore he had not lied.  I was either going to laugh or hit him, so I bailed.

I know it’s rude to walk out on someone, but I seriously could not stay.  He had lied about so many things that it was scary.  I feel bad that I left him there, but at the same time, the thought of sticking it out and having him walk me to the car was enough for me to set my manners aside.

The good news is that we were sitting next to a lovely couple.  She was an Israeli, who like me grew up in Canada.  We chatted a bit during my 32 minutes in hell and it turns out we both moved here from Toronto and knew some people in common.  She was the best part of my date.

I thanked Loser and turned to see the woman we had been talking to had left the sushi bar.  I told her husband, in Hebrew, I was leaving and to say goodbye to his wife.  He asked if I was okay, I assured him I was, and he told me his wife was outside smoking and I would see her.

I ended up sitting outside with the woman chatting about my date, JDate, and how hard it was to meet someone decent.  She was lovely and we ended up exchanging numbers and making a date for lunch.  She said she wants to set me up on a date so we’ll see how that goes.

It turns out, as I have long suspected, if you are a liar, you search for love on JDate.  I love Jill but I’m done.  1 week and 1 date on JDate is enough to put me over the edge. By walk away of course I mean run.  Is it wrong that I expect Jewish men to be a cut above others?  Yes.  Yes it is.

For any of my readers who date online, please allow me to help you understand the language of online dating.  Here are some common things you hear on a date, along with their translations in regular English. No point in you trying to figure out a code I have already broken.

Online Dating:  I may have withheld some information
Real Life:  I am a sociopathic liar
Online dating:  I am 5’10”
Real Life:  I am 5’5”
Online Dating: Tattoos are cool
Real Life: You look like a slut
Online Dating: Take your time and drive safe
Real Life: If you’re late I’m leaving
Online Dating: I broke up months ago
Real Life: My ex lives with me
Online Dating:  My ex and I are not together
Real Life:  I have a friend with benefits
Online Dating:  I’m one of the good guys
Real Life:  I’m hoping to get laid tonight

This date made me sad.  I can certainly laugh about it, but it made me sad.  I don’t understand why lying is an option, and being rude is okay.  When did being courteous and decent go out of style?  Why is it so hard to just tell the truth?  When did being alone become okay?

With each date I have I am hopeful that maybe it will be great, yet with each date that goes badly, I think that being alone is okay, and that is sad because for me, being alone is not okay.  I want to have a man in my life but honestly did not think it would be this hard to find a good one.

And so my online dating life continues.  I get a bit jaded each time, but luckily, also a little more hopeful.  As long as I can laugh about it, (and blog about it), I will not become bitter.  That said, bitter is the new black so who knows how my story will end.  All I can do is keep the faith.

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