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March 13, 2010

The Rules of Dating When You Write a Blog

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_rules_of_dating_when_you_write_a_blog_20100313/

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If you went on a date with a man 5 years ago, and then he writes you online, with no apparent memory of the date, do you tell him? Or is it better to pretend to have also forgotten?  I went out with a guy years ago for one date.  It was not a particularly good or bad date, just quite bland. 

The man who asked me out again yesterday was very nice. There was nothing wrong with him, and I don’t think he felt there was anything wrong with me, it just wasn’t a match. Why would he remember?  Could it be that 5 years later it would be different and perhaps there would be a connection? 

This has happened to me before, and I told the guy we went out in the past. He honestly could not remember.  It was entertaining, even though a bit crushing to my ego, that he seriously had no memory of me at all.  I laughed it off, and politely declined the invitation.  I’m not sure what to do this time around.

I had plans to meet a gentleman this afternoon for coffee.  My son has plans with friends so I made arrangements to meet for coffee.  The date had been planned for about a week, and I was looking forward to it.  He is very funny, which I think is attractive.  The truth is, I told him I thought he would be a good match for a friend of mine, so it was really a research mission.

He wrote late yesterday to say he was unable to make it.  No explanation, no phone call, just a short email saying he could not make it and to take care.  “Take care”.  What is that?  He was not only cancelling the date, but he was dismissing me at the same time.

I wrote him back to say I hoped all was well.  To me it was an unkind thing to do.  I could not stop thinking about why he would cancel, and not have the basic manners to call me, or respond to the email.  I quickly let it go because in the end who cares.  But then I figured it out this morning.

Turns out that Mr. Funny is not that bright.  He sent a comment to my blog yesterday and did not bother to use a made up email to do it.  It would appear that the reason he cancelled the date is because “Sarah Palin is a crazy, dangerous bitch and if you can’t see it, you are insane”.

It was bound to happen I guess.  The one thing that was intended to help me find love, has now turned on me.  The blog just caused me to lose a date.  It’s not like he was going to be love of my life.  I had already determined that he would be a good match for my friend.  That said, it’s hard to not take it personally.  He dumped me based on what he read. 

We could have talked about it, or he could of told me the blog made him angry.  He might have loved my friend.  I have no problem keeping the faith, but dates are slipping through not only my hands, but my friends hands too!  In the end he may have been funny, but he had no balls. 

Would I be better off not mentioning to men I date that I write a blog?  I’m not obligated, yet I think it’s the ethical thing to do.  At the same time, if a man who was interested in me, were to read the blog, what impression does he get?  Would my strong opinions end it before it even began?  I think the blog is interpreted differently if you are prospective suitor.

The fact is, there are no downsides to writing the blog.  I think about it a lot, and there really aren’t.  I love writing the blog.  It is my life, and I am proud of it.  More importantly, my son is proud of it.  I could do without all the Palin inspired hate mail, and the anti-Semitic comments would not be missed.  Other than that, I’m good.

At the end of the day, the man who is going to love me, is also going to love the blog.  He is going to appreciate my bravery when I tackle political or social issues.  He is going to see through the walls I put up, and see that behind the bravado, is a sensitive girl.  He will see I did not settle.

He is going to read the entries about my dating experiences, and will understand me a little bit better.  They will make him laugh, and roll his eyes, and be he will be proud of me, that after everything i went through, I kept on trying.  He will see that I am romantic and kind, and have been looking for him.

People have written countless books on dating. They have given endless information on what the rules, instructions, and guidelines are.  With all due respect to these talented people, I think the best thing I can do for myself is not read any it, and just live my life.

If I continue to be honest and open, I will be fine.  If I can laugh at myself, and not take all the negativity to heart, everything will be okay.  If I keep blogging about finding my Beshert, he will find me.  I am blessed.  My life is really good, and my son is perfection.  Instead of worrying about what the rules are, I will simply focus on keeping the faith.

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