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August 30, 2010

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Implode & Must Be Cancelled

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/the_real_housewives_of_new_jersey_implode_must_be_cancelled_20100830/

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Danielle, Andy and Teresa participating in the madness.

In terms of the reality of reality television, this show is quite simply the most disgusting show on television.  I am embarrassed for these women, their children, and their families.  They need to all be gathered up as a group and have the crap kicked out of them.  Seriously ladies, grow the hell up.

I have avoided this show like the plague.  I’ve gotten sucked in a couple of times, which has been painful.  I try to look away but I can’t stop.  My eyes start bleeding but I can’t stop watching.  They are repulsive women, and I do not understand why they have not been cancelled.

Within the first few minutes of the reunion Teresa proves that she is a skanky, disgusting pig.  This woman is horrible, and the entire season has been focused on how Danielle is an unfit mother, but let’s call a spade a spade.  Teresa is ridiculous and needs to be locked up.

It is clear from the get go that this is a gang attack on Danielle.  They came to the table ready to fight.  You’ve got to know this show needs to be off the air when you watch and are actually cheering for Danielle.  Danielle is a whackadoodle and yet I feel bad for her.

To be clear, when I use the word “lady” to describe any woman on this show, what I really mean is “psychotic bitch”.  That would use up too much space so if you don’t mind, whenever you read the word “lady”, substitute it with “psychotic bitch” and you will know how I really feel.

Teresa is calling Danielle a whore for having sex in her home with Steve.  She calls Danielle out for being slutty, which is fascinating since we saw Teresa mount her husband on television.  Just because you are married, does not mean you are classy.  Teresa is just as bad as Danielle.

The sarcasm is dripping like an annoying faucet.  I’m fascinated by how they are all acting and all I want to do is shut the television, yet I watching in horror.  If I were from New Jersey, I would rather people tell me I remind them of the chicks of Jersey Shore over the “ladies” of Bravo.

Important to note, I have always been a fan of Andy Cohen, but he could not be less attractive than he was tonight.  He is a celebrity whore.  This guy is all about money and not the well being of the “ladies” who are making him all the money.  Be careful Andy.  You are becoming a pig.

We find out the accusation from last year’s reunion show, that caused Caroline to cry and lose her mind, was that Danielle tried to have Lexi taken away from Dina.  I think Danielle needs to be under medical care, but I do not think she tried to have Lexi taken from Dina.  Just not buying it.

They are talking about some nonsense and Teresa freaks out.  She stands up, gets in Danielle’s face in a seriously threatening way, and I start praying it’s all a dream and I’ve just dozed off in front of an old episode of The Sopranos.  Teresa proves she is truly a piece of garbage.

To say she is cursing like a sailor would be unkind to the military.  She is screaming and cussing like a coke whore who just realized she has no more drugs and no one around to screw for money so she can get more crack.  If I were Italian I would be mortified that this woman was my people.

Teresa is being gross, and Jacqueline is fixing her hair, oblivious to what has just happened and clearly thinking about why there are no snacks out.  Danielle is in the back crying and I actually feel sorry for her.  Her hairdresser is calming her down while her lesbian lover is comforting her.

Andy is making light of the whole thing, and laughing with Teresa which is really disgusting.  Why is nobody suing his ass for putting their lives and mental health in danger?  Hey Andy Cohen, you’re going to hell my friend and there is not a lot of time to turn that decision around.

Every time Danielle speaks, one of the “ladies” talks over her or says something sarcastic.  It’s annoying.  Caroline is talking about her kids and cries, and Danielle says to get her a tissue.  Is it just me or is Danielle looking like a lady, while the other girls are looking like “ladies”?

Sidebar:  The entire conversation that Andy has with Teresa about her financial woes is a complete and total pile of crap.  I do not believe one single thing she says about any of it.  She is insane, put her husband into bankruptcy and should go live in a trailer for a year.  Liar.

Additionally: The entire conversation that Andy has with Teresa about Joe and his drunk driving arrest is a complete and total pile of crap.  I do not believe one single thing she says about any of it.  She is insane, drove her husband to drink, and should go live in a trailer for a year.  Liar.

They talk about Danny, and Danielle says she never slept with him, was not the cause of his divorce, and he’s not that big a deal to her.  Meanwhile, she spent the entire season talking about how much she loved him and cared for him. He was her friend yet she sells him down the river.

She claims the Sweet Sixteen party was donated and she spent no money.  Whatever.  She says she was a born again virgin because she was refraining from sex, but now she is sexually active again.  Whatever.  Does Andy not have anything of interest to ask her?  This useless crap.

Danielle won’t come out and say she is pretending to be a lesbian.  It’s now boring and as Danielle is talking about her girlfriend, I am daydreaming about slapping Andy Cohen across the face.  Danielle then says she is what she is on television because of how she is edited.

Caroline calls her out on the statement by saying it has nothing to do with editing, and they all are exactly what we see on Bravo.  Then Caroline channels Kelly and says something about Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride that makes absolutely no sense.  Satchels of gold Sweetie.

Andy now wants to talk about Danielle’s sex tapes.  Apparently this is more about an update with Danielle than a reunion with all the girls.  They are still talking about the sex tapes but I gauged my eyes out and needed to grab a towel so I missed part of that conversation.

Danielle seems to think that her kids have no idea about what is going on with their mother because they do not watch the show.  Really?  Danielle, I can assure you that your kids know every single thing that you say and do, and are plotting their escape at this exact moment.

Caroline is now ranting about the Okay Corral and actually says “yippee ki-yay”.  Is she kidding?  Is she drunk?  Who are these people and why are they on television?  What happened to the good old days of Tamara, Vicky, Jill and Ramona?  We were all so happy then.  Bravo sucks.

The worst, and yet best part of this reunion, is that it will continue next week.  I am seriously going to pray that next week will be the last we see of these “ladies”.  I’m over it and think they are a danger to themselves and each other.  Will they be cancelled?  I’m keeping the faith.

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