November 5, 2011
The Joy and Fear of Dating When You Have a Blog About Dating
I don’t like dating. I do it because I am looking for someone to share my life with, not because I think it is fun. Each first date is stressful. Will I like him? Will he like me? Will I be safe? Will this be a disaster, or the last first date that I ever have to go on? Dating is more pain than pleasure.
I am a much different dater at 45, than I was at 25. I don’t date from a place of fear that I won’t get married or have a child. I was married, and am blessed to be a mother, so now my dating is for me. Not because I want a husband or a child, just because I want someone wonderful in my life.
I only date Jewish men. This has been both applauded and ridiculed by my readers, as well as my family and friends. The general feeling is I restrict myself because statistically the chances of my meeting a Jewish man that is not either 30 or 70, are slim to none, so I should venture outside my faith.
My dating a non-Jew will simply never happen. I have a lot of reasons for dating only Jewish men, and those reasons are never going to change, so I am searching for a Jewish man and I believe I will meet him one day. He will be kind, smart, open and funny. He will think I am kind, smart, open and funny. He exists.
Last night I had my third date with Sparky. We went out for dinner and a movie. I had been battling allergies all day and thought I might not be able to go. I did not want to cancel, so I went to the doctor to make sure it was allergies and not my getting a cold. It was allergies.
Sparky was late for our first two dates. I am mortified to say I was late for our date last night. Not by a couple of minutes either. I was 15 minutes late with no excuse. I simply left home late and Sparky was waiting for me when I got there. He never said a word about my being tardy.
Sparky is a lovely, sweet man. There is a kindness that I find very attractive. He’s no pushover, has clearly defined opinions, and is definitely in charge, but when it comes to me, he is gentle and supportive. I feel heard and respected by him and that is interesting after just three dates.
Three dates in three weeks, and we have spoken everyday since date one. This is a really good guy. He is a wonderful father, a successful professional, and a devoted friend. We are getting to know each other, and it’s slow and steady. He is my friend, which is a lovely place to start.
For the first time in a long time I want to invest time and energy into a relationship. I want to learn about him and meet each other’s children. I want to share. By share of course I mean everywhere but here. I don’t want to blog every moment and experience I have with Sparky.
This is a blog about my life, so of course he will be mentioned, but until I am clear on what our relationship is, I am going to leave Sparky out of it. I love that he is not intimidated by the blog, but at the same time I don’t want him to be reserved because of what might end up in the blog.
I don’t know what will happen, but I am hoping it’s something. If my choice to let us find our way without it being public, makes getting to a place of something easier or quicker, then so be it. I have met someone special in Sparky. Fabulous, Jewish, and age appropriate Sparky.
We could have one more date, or get married, and the lesson would be the same. There are lovely and available Jewish men. The important thing to remember when dating is that anything is possible, first dates matter, and when searching for love, you must keep the faith.