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August 13, 2012

Relaxing is Exhausting

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/relaxing_is_exhausting_20120813/

Photo

The view from the deck.

I have been at the lake in Ontario for two days and have done nothing but eat, sleep and sit. I sit on the couch, sit on the porch, sit on the deck, and sit in the kitchen.  I eat, nap, watch TV, and talk to whoever is around. I have colored, beaded, and played with Barbie. I have not done anything strenuous or stressful, yet I am exhausted.  How is it possible that I am so tired when I have done nothing?

I am with my little brother and his family so I just follow him and the kids around and sit wherever they are.  My baby brother is turning 41 but he is still my baby brother.  He is a wonderful father and I know our Dad would be so very proud of him and his family.  It has been a weekend of peace, reflection, and trying to relax.  I am not good at sitting still, horrible at shutting down my brain, so its tough. 

I am always thinking which inevitably leads to me worrying about something, so relaxation is elusive.  The thing about being at the cottage though, is that the only thing to think about is what you will eat for your next meal and the only thing to worry about is whether or not you should get out of bed, so I am being forced to relax.  I am rested but exhausted.

What is it about sleeping that makes me so tired?  I slept for 8 hours last night which is unheard of for me, yet I feel like I could sleep for another 8.  I have not used my phone except to speak with family and my Englishman.  I am blogging from Canada but it does not feel like work as much as a simple pleasure.  Writing is my favorite thing and writing from here is surprisingly relaxing.

I am driving back to Toronto and tomorrow will head to Montreal to see my mother.  The simple thought of seeing her makes me cry.  When I leave my brother I will cry too, so the next day will be less about relaxing and more about crying.  Happy tears to be sure, but still sad to know I will have to say goodbye. I love my family very much and realize how much when I’m here.

A trip home is too emotional to qualify as a vacation.  I may be on vacation from my regular life, but it’s not a holiday.  I will laugh and cry in massive amounts, which takes an emotional toll, and I will spend most of the week thinking I should move back to be closer to them.  In the end being with my family is what relaxes me so I will try to enjoy every second while keeping the faith.

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