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January 29, 2010

Online Dating Hell

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/online_dating_hell_20100129/

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After a self-imposed dating hiatus, I finally went on a date.  Oh. My. God.  I discovered that there is in fact a hell on earth.  It is a date with “Bob”.

We all know Jewish men are my preference.  I am a practicing Jew and I would like to be with a man who shares my faith.  The majority of people in my life tell me I should let that go and think outside the box.  Maybe I will one day, but for now it is important, so I’m not budging.

Bob found me online and sent a lovely email.  He was charming and funny.  He appeared to be a regular guy and lacked the “I’m full of crap” vibe that is found in big huge piles all over dating sites.  He is 45, 5”10, and quite attractive.  He did not list his religion.

I respond to his email.  We go back and forth a few times, then exchange numbers.  We chat and he seems very nice.  I ask him what his religion is, and he tells me he is Jewish.  We made a plan to meet for dinner.

My friends think dinner for a date is stupid.  You are stuck with someone for at least an hour, and that can be brutal.  A drink or coffee is easier.  It’s not as much of a risk or commitment, but it feels like an interview to me.  Surely I can be mature enough to enjoy a meal and talk with someone.

We meet for dinner.  I walk in and look around but I don’t see him, so I wait at the bar.  He is now 10 minutes late.  My phone rings and it’s him.  He asks if I’m ok and am I on the way.  I tell him I’m at the bar waiting for him.  He is in the restaurant and I walked right by him.  Not a good sign.

He comes to get me from the bar and I am in total shock.  He is not 45.  He is a much older man.  I am clearly surprised and he appears to be, for a quick second, embarrassed.  We go sit at the table and the gross fest begins. 

I remind him that he stated online that he was 45.  He tells me that he is a great guy and was not getting hits when he listed his real age, so he changed it “a little” to get interest.  He is really 57.  The picture he posted was when taken he was 45.  He thinks he looks exactly the same.  He actually looks about 65.

He is not 5’10”.  He is 5’’8’ but wears cowboy boots, which make him 5’10”, and since he wears them everyday, it’s just easier to list his boot height.  He is also not Jewish. I list myself as Jewish and since he is agnostic, it seemed as good a religion as any to say he was.

I am in shock at this point.  The level of dishonestly in the man blows me away. He is crazy.  He grew up in New Jersey and all I can think about is The Situation from Jersey Sore.  This is what he will be like when he gets old.  I am on a date with a 57 year old Situation.

My hair looked pretty, I’m wearing a super cute outfit, and I was charming and kind.  However, when I told him that I was surprised by his series of lies, he told me I was shallow, selfish and unattractive.  That’s when I had enough and hit the wall.

I got up, said thank you, and left.  Really?  How is it possible that men are like this?  I know women do the same things, but this is about Bob.  When did it become okay to be so horrible to people?  I went on a date with a compulsive liar and in the end he said it was me that had issues.

Dating is brutal and this was enough to make me stop dating.  I struggle to find a reason to bother trying anymore.  Some days I just don’t think I have it in me.

At the end of the day, it’s just another bad date and not the end of the world.  The thing is, with each man that is incapable of being decent to another human being, I am inspired to keep looking.  When I meet the right man, I will appreciate him more because of men like Bob.

I have a date with another man this weekend.  I will go, slightly jaded, but still hopeful.  As long as I am jaded, but my spirit is not broken, I will be able to keep doing this.  Whether or not I can stick with it until I meet someone great, will be determined by my ability to keep the faith.

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