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May 15, 2012

Love Looks Jewish to Me

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/love_looks_jewish_to_me_20120515/

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I like to set up my friends.  By friends of course I mean I will set up anyone.  I come across a lot of single people during my daily travels and if someone is open to a fix up, I’m all over it.  I will add them to my running list of possible set ups and hope I make a match.   I happen to know a lot of Jewish people, and am one myself, so it turns out I spend a lot of time setting up Jews and let me just say, OY VEY!

This past week I met three fabulous women.  One is married, and claims to have met her husband on JDate.  We all know it is an urban myth that people get married after meeting on JDate, but she is so cute I’m not going to call her out on the huge lie.  Important to note that I met my Englishman on JDate, which is very upsetting.  I’m going to owe JDate a huge apology if it lasts because I’ve been bashing them forever.

I feel like I dated a million JDaters.  It was an endless rollercoaster ride of Jewish freaks and it was exhausting.  The Englishman found me, and I actually hesitated going out with him for a couple of reasons, but in an attempt to think outside the box I agreed to lunch and now here I am, falling in love with a man I was searching for.  Did JDate work for me?  I may choke on my own words, and my own vomit.

The two single women are Jewish and fabulous.  These ladies are successful, attractive, funny, and looking for love.  They are both tall, work in entertainment, and would like to meet someone special to share their lives with.  I’m not sure if “share their lives” involves getting married, having kids, or just getting laid on a regular basis, but that’s not the point. The point is they are actively looking for love.

They would both like to meet Jewish men, but are open to dating men who are of another faith.  It’s interesting to me that so many Jewish women are open to dating outside our faith.  I had a big Jewish wedding, have a delicious child, and have always dated Jewish, but I wonder if my choices would be different if I had never been married and had no kids.  Would I date a man of another religion then?

Is there an age for women when we start to let go of the things we thought were important in a partner in order to increase our options?  If it does not work out with my Englishman will I consider dating outside my faith?  Is he my last shot at a Jew because I’m simply too tired to keep swimming in the JPool?  Important to note my Englishman might be my great love so I speak of him here only as a point of reference.

When I met the two single Jewish ladies, and offered to set them up, they were both into it immediately.  I then met a single man who is a friend of the Englishman and thought he might be a good match for one of the women.  I asked him if he was open to a fix up, but he was not.  He said he was not really looking and that should he want to date again, he might want to try a non-Jew as he was married to a Jew and it did not work out.

That made me sad.  I am 46 years old with no plans for more kids, and my desire for a partner stronger than my desire for a husband, so I would give up on a lot of things in terms of my search for love but faith is not one of them.  I want to be with someone Jewish because it makes me feel safe and I am not giving that up.  I don’t care about a man’s money, looks, or job.  I do care that he has a Jewish worldview and sensibility.  It matters to me.

Setting up women is easy because they are open to it.  Setting up men is impossible because they are noncommittal to something as simple as a cup of coffee.  If you are a Jewish man who wants to be set up, let me know.  If you are a Jewish woman who wants to be set up with a Jewish man, good luck! At the end of the day I am happy to be off the rollercoaster and grateful for my funny, charming, handsome, and Jewish Englishman.

There are millions of people on JDate looking to meet Jews so whether people admit it or not, there are still Jews who want to marry Jews. They are not looking there by accident.  There are also many non-Jews on JDate, which proves Jews are desirable and a catch.  Jewish chicks need to pay attention to the women outside our faith because they want “our” men. We must start wanting them too!  Jewish men rock, and faith matters.

I know a lot of interfaith couples.  They are happy, and religion is not an issue for them, but in all of those relationships being Jewish is something nice that the Jewish side does.  It’s not about practicing the religion as much as it about keeping some of the traditions alive.  It works for them, but I can’t help but wonder if on some level they settled, on both sides, when it comes to faith. Not just for the Jew, but for the other faith too.  Do you give up a piece of yourself when you marry a different faith?

I have been searching for love for a long time.  I have found things along the way that I thought were love, but I was mistaken and had my heart broken. My heart has only ever been broken by Jewish men as that is how I role. One could argue I need to date men who are not Jewish in order to break that pattern.  I understand that logic.  If the same thing keeps happening, try something else to get a different result.

I have learned over the past few months that my search for love was not about searching for a different type of man, but rather about becoming a different type of dater.  I let my guard down, opened my mind, embraced the possibilities, and by doing so found a Jew who just happens to be a different kind of man.  Whether we grow old together or not, I have seen what is possible by changing myself, not changing what I wanted.

Love is elusive.  Dear Lord, finding a man that did not make me sick long enough to squeeze out a second date was hard.  The key to finding someone is by altering how you view yourself, not giving up on things that are important to you.  I’m not an expert, but I have been searching for a long time and seem to have finally figured it out.  I’m not sure why it took me so long to get to this place but I could not be happier to be here now.

I am going to set up the two lovely women that I met.  They are fabulous, and they are open, so their time is coming.  I don’t know if they will end up with Jewish men or not, but they will end up with love and that love will look the way they want it to.  I have found love and he is Jewish because that is how love looks to me.  It is how I view myself, how I view my partner, and it is with that clarity that I am keeping the faith.

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