February 14, 2012
Love, Loss & Sex at 100
Yesterday marked the 9th anniversary of the passing of my dad. I spent a lot of time crying, and that I managed to make it through the day was a miracle because there were moments when I simply could not breathe. I loved my father, miss him everyday, and feel the loss deeply.
My parents have eight grandchildren, but my father only met four of the kids as the rest arrived after his passing. I am truly blessed my son was able to know my dad. They had a wonderful relationship and my son has vivid and special memories of time with his beloved Grandpa Bob.
Valentine’s Day has become a difficult day as it is the day I flew home, sat with my deceased father, and memorized every single inch of his face, and desperately tried to hear his voice in my mind. When I finally had to leave I could feel my heat breaking in my chest. It was a debilitating day.
My father’s final days were heartbreaking. Cancer ravaged his body and he was in and out of consciousness, but I called everyday and my sister would hold the phone to his ear so I could talk to him. It always made me sad, but I believe he could hear me, and looked forward to my calls.
I am going to spend Valentine’s Day with my son. We will go out for dinner and talk about my dad. We will discuss dating, both his and mine, and I will be reminded my life is full of love. I love my family, friends, and my work. I also love the idea that one day my prince will come.
I don’t know, or care, what he looks like. I am not concerned with his height, weight, or eye color. He will make me laugh, and ease my sorrow and my fear. I want a partner, and it is what my father wanted for me. He saw my marriage end and prayed I would find love again.
Valentine’s Day is a little silly in it’s commercial overload, but at the end of the day, if I am going to be honest, I probably find it annoying because I am not in love. If I had a man in my life I would enjoy shopping for a gift for him, and getting flowers from him. Love is a really great thing.
I was reminded today of the blog I wrote last year on Valentine’s Day. It included a video about finding love at any age, and that sex is always an option. I am sharing it again today because it gives hope and laughter. Today is not a day to be sad, but rather a day to be hopeful.
I am hopeful that I will find love, give love, keep love and share love. I am hopeful that my son has loving relationships in his life and finds his beshert. I am hopeful that his beshert will be Jewish. I am hopeful that my father watches over me and loves me always.
Love will find me. Then, as now, Valentine’s Day will be a day of tribute to the love of my dad and the blessing of my son. I wish you all love. I hope you have it, find it, keep it, appreciate it, wish for it, enjoy it, and know you deserve it. Happy Valentine’s Day. Keep the faith.