Jewish Journal


March 19, 2012

Life, Death, Love, Hate, Faith & Prayer



It has been an interesting 24 hours.  A series of events have made me examine my life and the future of my child.  It has also made me look at how I am living.  Life is fragile, the world is unstable, and no dream should ever be left unfulfilled.  I want to live bigger and better.

I love writing and my blogs at The Jewish Journal are pure joy for me.  I write about my life as a divorced middle aged woman, raising a boy to be a man, my search for love, and reality TV.  The people I have connected with have brought me immeasurable joy and support.

When I get an email from a woman on the other side of the world telling me she understands, I cry.  When I am at Starbucks and someone in line tells me to keep the faith, I cry.  When I sit in front of my computer after a bad date sharing the story with strangers, I laugh.  It is a blessing.

Yesterday I heard from a woman who reads my blog and follows me on Twitter, that her 22 year old stepson, the only child of her husband, was killed in Kuwait.  I have never met this woman, but I know her.  We talk everyday, even if it’s just to say hello.  She is lovely.

How does one deal with losing a child?  How can you ever overcome the grief?  This young man, this hero, was overseas protecting us all and in doing so lost his life.  My reaction to the loss of this boy has been powerful.  I cannot stop crying.  It is a tragic loss of life.

I tweeted my support to my friend and heard from another follower.  She is a pretty girl who I thought lived in New York.  I’m not sure why I thought that, but we may have had a conversation about snow at some point since I’m Canadian and I know snow.  I was wrong about her location.

She wrote to tell me she was in Kuwait. She is in the Air Force, and reads my blogs about reality television.  They make her laugh, keep her connected to home, and bring her joy.  How strange to have head about a death in Kuwait at the same time I heard my work mattered in Kuwait.

When chatting she told me she would be sent home in May.  May seems like years away and I just want her home. I want all those who are serving our country to come home.  I don’t want one more life to be lost.  It’s enough already.  Bring them home.  Life and death are very sad in Kuwait.

While dealing with the loss of this boy, and worry for a woman I do not know, I was attacked on Twitter for my blog.  I wrote that I liked a reality show and was slammed. Then some woman, who is clearly in need of some medication, said I was the cause of her problems.

I really don’t pay that much attention to Twitter.  There is one woman who follows me who seems to have a photographic memory in terms of every person, all their aliases, and what they have said and to who.  For me it’s not like that.  I honestly don’t remember what anyone says.

Does the fact that Persians are on television really matter in the big scheme of things?  If someone was mean to you on Twitter, and that person follows us both, is it my fault?  If you are delusional and need to be medicated to get through the day, can that be linked to my blog?

When people are dying for your right to say what you want, do you really want to pick a fight with me about reality television?  What is happening to this world that television is the cause for so much hate between strangers? When did we stop being decent and start being cowardly?

Today in France, a man entered into a Jewish school and killed a young Rabbi, two of his young children, and another child.  Four people are dead, and one teenage boy is in critical condition.  While the investigation is just starting, they were gunned down because they were Jewish.

My heart is broken about this tragedy and I find myself unable to stop crying.  I picked my son up from school today and hugged him for 17 minutes, while sobbing.  Life is fragile so why do I have to worry not only about the craziness of our world, but about my faith?

I have spent sixteen years raising my child to embrace and respect our faith.  I put him through ten years of Jewish Day School by myself, and want him to be proud, but today I am scared and want him to be Jewish in private.  That breaks my heart in a profound way.

I am Jewish.  I am proudly Jewish, and yet I find myself scared today. There is a cloud over me and I cannot shake it.  There are not that many reasons to not like me because truth be told I’m a great person.  That said, the last reason to not like me is because I am Jewish.

I believe in God.  I believe in love. I believe in peace.  I believe in dreams.  I believe in tomorrow.  I am sad.  I am scared.  I am lonely.  I am hopeful.  I am happy.  I am aware.  It’s been a sad 24 hours for the world.  I’m just trying to get by some days, and today was rough.

To my friend who lost her boy, you are in my prayers.  To the woman serving in Kuwait, you are in my prayers.  To the souls lost in France, you are in my prayers.  To those who hate me because I use my voice, you are in my prayers.  I am praying, and I am keeping the faith.


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