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April 7, 2010

Kate Gosselin Needs an Attitude Adjustment & Jon Gosselin is a Douchelord

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/kate_gosselin_needs_an_attitude_adjustment_jon_gosselin_is_a_douchelord_201/

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I was seriously hoping that Kate Gosselin would finally get the boot off of Dancing With the Stars.  It’s bad enough that her dancing blows, but this chick never smiles.  She looks constipated, angry, and miserable.  She needs a attitude adjustment, and I wanted nothing more than for her to get eliminated.  That was until her ex-husband opened his mouth.  Now I want her to stay a little longer.

Jon Gosselin announced on Wednesday that he would sue Kate for full custody of their children, because DWTS was making her an absentee parent.  Not only is he asking for custody, but also spousal support.  Really?  Let’s clarify:  Kate is ignoring the kids by making a living, but it’s cool that you went to Europe for weeks with a skank, and slept with the nanny? 

These people are screwed up.  Jon is a bitter, and jealous pig.  Granted he was married to a brittle, and bitchy bully, but still, this is over the top.  He pulled the plug on their TLC show, cut off how she supports the kids, and then when she gets another job, he decides to try to take her kids away from her.  Who does that?

Kate needs a drink.  By needs a drink, of course I mean she should start drinking.  Daily.  Maybe if she gets a nice buzz going, she will be able to unwind her super tight, droopy face, and finally crack a smile.  Maybe instead of a drink, she needs a man.  She needs something.  To have all this crap going on, while being the worst dancer in America, is clearly too much for one woman to handle.  She is a joy sucker, and ruining the show already.

To Jon, you need to shut up.  Right now.  Just shut up.  Stop talking.  We are all sick of you.  To Kate, I hope you get to stay a little longer, to show your sperm donor that he cannot dictate anything to you.  By stay a little longer, of course I mean just one more week.  I can’t imagine we can take more than that. 

Farewell Buzz Aldren.  You are a classy, and decent man.  It was a pleasure, and an honor to welcome you into our homes.

When I’m not writing for The Jewish Journal, I am a professional organizer.  I am an organizing genius actually.  I organize anything from a junk drawer in a kitchen, to an entire home.  I have had my own organizing business for years, and I love it.  I enjoy helping people organize their homes, and teaching them to be less cluttered.

I have one particular client who I see once a month.  I organize her home office every few weeks.  I pay her bills, go through her mail, catalogue her photos, and things like that.  She is a wonderful woman, and when I go to her home, she likes to sit with me while I work.  She sits next to me for hours, with print outs of all my blogs from the weeks I have not seen her.  She reads them aloud, then we discuss.  She is 78, and sharp as a tack.

I met this woman at Temple, and over the years I have become quite fond of her.  This adorable little old lady called me last night and left the following message: 

“Ilana Darling. When I was a young girl we danced like they do on Dancing with the Stars. I wish I had kept all my lovely dancing frocks.  Anyway dear, it’s now late and I need to go to sleep.  Please be a love and call me tomorrow morning and let me know who has been voted off, as I cannot stay up to see the end.  I am hoping that the handsome Mr. Aldrin will be staying on.  I’m not fond of the lady with all the children, but my heart aches for her and her children.  She’s in quite a predicament.  Let her be a lesson to you dear.  Do not marry a Douchelord.  Goodnight.”

Oh, the power of a blog.  How much do we love this woman?  I honestly don’t think she has a clue what it means to call someone a Douchelord, but I figure I better explain it to her before she uses the word in public.  She is going to be mortified for a second, then she will laugh, and get a kick out of it.  I love that she reads my blog everyday.  I love that her advice to me is to not marry a Douchelord.  I just love her, and I know she will read this eventually, so hello friend!

It’s my birthday today.  I am 44 years old, and this birthday shall pass quietly, and without much fanfare.  I am very blessed.  Each birthday now, represents a year that I have spent loving my son, and watching him become a wonderful human being.  Perhaps this will be the year I meet a wonderful man to share my life with.  By perhaps, of course I mean I am keeping the faith.

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