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August 1, 2013

Flying Solo, Facetime, & First Impressions

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/flying_solo_facetime_first_impressions/

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When I took my son to the airport on Tuesday night for his adventure back east, he asked for my phone to program in a number I needed.  I went to the restroom, returned and got my phone, and saw my son off.  I cried the entire way home.  I miss him like crazy and am counting down the days until he gets back.  It is now 16 days and counting.  Dear Lord.

Today when I went into my phone to find a picture needed, I found an amazing gift from my boy.  When I gave him my phone he recorded a video message.  It is sweet, funny, loving and kind, with just the right amount of smoke blown up my ass.  He knows me well and said all the right things. I have watched it 16 times and counting.

It feels very strange to be on my own. I discovered I don’t know how to grocery shop without a teenager and his friends to think about.  My once full grocery cart had milk, blueberries, crackers, and a mango in it.  I don’t even know why I got those things, other than I felt since I schlepped to the market I figured I should get something. Flying solo sucks.

I know he is having a wonderful time because he texts to check in.  I am trying really hard to not bother him.  I thought I would keep my texting to only when I thought about him, but it turns out that is constantly, so I am biting my tongue, biting my nails, and just letting him be.  I thought I was doing well until I got a Facetime call late last night. Oh dear.

Facetime is the greatest invention of all time when you are a mother missing your child.  To see his face was remarkable and it took every single ounce of strength to not cry at the sight of him.  We chatted for about 5 minutes as he told me about his day. It was magic, and also a revelation.  As I studied his face, I saw that he is a young man and not a baby anymore.

It took a Facetime call for me to see the man he is becoming and not the baby he was.  He is independent, articulate, strong, fearless, and smart.  I need to take pride in that because I made him that way.  I have worked tirelessly to not put my fears on him and I see now that I was successful. My son has been telling me for months that he is not a baby anymore.

It took Facetime to show me that he is right. I will falter of course, and lapse back into seeing him as a little child, but I will get better.  If I digress and slip back into my old ways I will simply ask my son to Facetime me from his room so I can see the young man again.  I love Facetime.  I’m getting my mother an iPhone so we can Facetime too.  It is absolute magic.

Technology is really great. When speaking of technology, one could include online dating, which is not great, but still technology.  A bit of a transition stretch, but I have to tell you about the man that just asked me out on Match.  He wrote me a rather longwinded email about his hopes and dreams, then wrapped it up with a declaration of our being a perfect match.

I cannot image his ridiculous email ever getting a girl to go out with him, but what was particularly fascinating is that I have already gone out with him. I’ve had this happen before, but this guy is special.  When we went out we ran into a couple of my girlfriends.  They stopped by our table to say hello and ended up joining us for a drink.  He then hit on one of them.

Yes, while on a date with me, he hit on my girlfriend.  Clearly I did not make a good first impression if he was looking to move on while still out with me.  I wrote him back on Match and reminded him that we went out already.  I also reminded him he hit on my girlfriend and was not only suffering from memory loss, but all these years later he was still a schmuck.

I sent the email, waited to get confirmation that he had read it, then blocked him from ever contacting me again. Not everyone is going to make a good first impression, myself included, but to not remember me at all is lame and in this instance, I am certain it is more about him being an idiot than me not being memorable.  Once a schmuck, always a schmuck.

With my son away for a couple more weeks I am dating more, which is both good and bad.  Good because they only way I will meet someone is by putting myself out there, and bad because each bad date makes me think I am better off on my own. I take comfort in knowing I can spot a schmuck. Tomorrow I will Facetime with my son and continue to keep the faith.

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