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JewishJournal.com

September 12, 2009

Finding your Beshert is not an urban myth

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/finding_your_beshert_is_not_an_urban_myth_39090912/

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I write a lot about finding my Beshert and I get plenty of feedback from people sharing their opinions.  Men mostly tell me that I am searching for something that does not exist. while women let me know that even though they believe there is a Beshert for everyone, it is reserved for the few and the lucky. 

For those of you who think finding your Beshert is an urban myth, it is not.  I know this because my friend just found hers.  In fact, her being able to locate her Beshert is even more special because they are both in their 50’s.  It’s inspiring because once you’ve been around the block a few times you get stuck in a routine and finding someone who can match up with all the grooves you’ve created is very rare. 

Over the course of a lifetime there are different types of love. Teenagers experience puppy love.  In your 20’s there is a cocky sense of entitlement love.  In your 30’s there is a hurry up and happen desperate love.  In your 40’s there is a jaded take what you can find love.  In your 50’s there is an I will be ok on my own but will open my heart with no agenda love.  Harsh descriptions I suppose but we all know that on some level they are accurate.  I believe that a Beshert can be found at any of these stages if you allow them to show themselves and are open to seeing them.

50’s love sounds like it would be the easisest one to find but in the end it’s probably the hardest because it is a stage where it is easy to just give up on love because you know you will be ok on your own. My friend “Elaine” is 54 and her boyfriend “Jerry” is 58.  Elaine is divorced with a teenage daughter who just went off to college at Sarah Lawrence.  Jerry has been married twice, has three kids and the responcibilites that come with those experiences. 

Elaine saw him online and decided to take a chance and write because he looked and sounded like someone she should know.  She just knew.  When he wrote her back however, he thought he had too much on his plate and while he was indeed on an online dating site, it made him question whether or not he was really ready.  Even with all that, they agreed to go out and Elaine immediately thought he was gorgeous and quickly developed a crush on him.  Their connection made her so nervous that she tried to kill the relationship before it began but by the time she got into full sabotage mode he was completely smitten and wouldn’t let her go. 

They have so much in common with their matching views on life, similar neuroses and emotional needs and a series of little coincidences that only make sense to them as a couple that it could not be ignored.  It’s as if they were destined to be together.  What is that called?  BESHERT!

I have known Elaine for years and I love her.  She is funny, smart, great at her job and a wonderful mother.  She has had her heart broken and I respect her so much for never giving up on the possibility of love.  I adore Jerry for not letting her go when she panicked and being brave enough to not allow his baggage to determine where he was going. 

Finding your Beshert is possible.  Anything is possible.  The trick to finding love is keeping your eyes and your heart open.  All that is required of you is that you pay attention, not be afraid, never give up and always keep the faith.

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