June 5, 2012
Exhaustion Sets In
I am officially exhausted. I actually fell asleep today at the dentist. I was sitting in the waiting room, wondering why my dentist does not serve cocktails, and I dozed off. The hygienist who was going to clean my teeth had to give me a shake because I was out. I have been this tired since my son was a baby and I wanted to stare at him instead of sleep.
I remember when my son was little, I was working full time, on my own, getting virtually no sleep, and spent a lot of my time crying because I was so tired. As I drove home from the dentist today I started to cry. I was so tired I was not sure I even remembered how to drive so I pulled over and started bawling. It would have been funny if not so sad.
I am a single mom who works full time and writes on top of that. I am also a friend, girlfriend, daughter, and sister. I do it all, do it well, and try not to complain because in the big scheme of things I am blessed. That said, I am very, very tired. I would love to take a couple of days off to stay in bed but I simply do not have the time. No time to rest is pathetic.
Exhaustion is not a good thing and I find myself feeling a little sorry for myself. I looked at my laundry today and started to cry, wondering how it was possible that a house with only two people in it had so much laundry. I looked at the dishwasher and the thought of emptying it made me cry so I considered serving my son dinner over the sink with no plate.
It’s one of those days where I should hide from the world because my exhaustion could cause me to snap. I need to crawl under the covers and sleep, knowing that tomorrow will be better. The thing is I need to pick up my son, make him dinner, write a column, post a blog, and work on a project for one of my clients. I will not get sleep in the near future.
Have you ever been so tired that you can’t sleep? I am exhausted, yet I sat in bed last night unable to sleep. My mind was spinning about a million things yet I could not focus on anything. I need a vacation and the word vacation is up for interpretation. A night at the Four Seasons with room service would be a glorious vacation right now. Just one night would do it.
There is no guarantee I would sleep at the Four Seasons but I’m thinking being awake there probably has some relaxation value. I am now delirious with fatigue and not sure what I am writing so I better go. I hope you all sleep well. As for me I’d be happy with an hour. By hour of course I mean 8 hours. Not going to happen but I’m keeping the faith.