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April 13, 2010

DWTS:  I want Kate Gosselin to go home, more than I want to have dinner with George Clooney

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It’s Tuesday morning, which means that I am going to give my weekly Dancing With the Starts Recap.  Just when you think there will be nothing interesting to talk about, here comes the train wreck and there is so much to say I can hardly stand it.

Whoever is dressing Brooke Burke, you are putting her in the wrong dresses.  Each week she looks lopsided, with her right boob clearly larger than the left.  It is very distracting and I can’t believe she does not notice, and ask that it be corrected.  Fix your boobs Brooke, not cute.

Erin Andrews is insanely unappealing, and the lack of chemistry between her and Max is staggering.  They were in People magazine this week, they are making the rounds on talk shows, where they say how great working together is.  Whatever.  She is annoying, he does not like her, and I’m not buying it.

Evan Lysacek: He’s going to the finals.  He is a great dancer, and while he loses a bit of his spark when he speaks, he is cute and deserves to be there in the end.  I can’t help but wonder, why is nobody in his life insisting he cut his hair, and get rid of his ridiculous hair cut.

Niecy Nash:  She is cute.  Not a great dancer, never going to be a great dancer, never going to make it to the finals, but who cares.  She is not offensive.  She is middle of the road, and entertaining.  Whenever she goes, it will be her time.  She is okay, and that’s enough.

Aiden Turner:  This man could possibly be the most boring man on the planet. He is handsome, for sure, but has no personality, and is painful to watch.  He needs to go home.  I get that ABC wants to have one of their soap stars each season, but come on. Give us one that has a drop of charisma next time.

Nicole Scherzinger:  This week they stapled a bed sheet onto Nicole and she looked fabulous.  Apart from that being offensive, and just not fair, this chick is not going anywhere.  She’s in the finals, and we all know it.  Her fake interest in what the judges are saying is perfection.

Jake Pavelka:  When he speaks, it’s as if he’s still on The Bachelor.  He talks about elimination as if he were waiting for a rose.  He is white toast.  That said, when you’re presented with so many weird things, sometimes a piece of white toast is perfect.  I like him, he is a great dancer, and he should stay.

Chad Ochocinco:  The sexual energy between Chad and Cheryl Burke is insane.  They look like sex.  He is adorable and beautiful, and I like watching them.  Cheryl has this vibe with all her partners, but is the first time it’s been fun to watch.  They are a hoot, and I hope they stay.

Pamela Anderson: It’s a shame Pam does not get that people are watching her.  She is her own little world, and not giving herself to the audience.  She is so funny and cute, but we are just not seeing that.  She needs to play to the audience more, because she is turning people off with her stand off vibe.  Show America it’s okay to like you Pam.

Kate Gosselin:  SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SHUT UP AND GO HOME! SERIOUSLY!!!

I love this show, but seriously, Kate Gosselin needs to go home.  Every week that she is on the show, America is going to be less supportive of her getting her kids.  She is painfully unappealing, and needs to realize that the longer she stays, the worse it will be for her later.  Go home Kate.

To put it all into perspective: if I were given the opportunity to have dinner with George Clooney, or have Kate off this show, it would be a really hard decision for me.  I love you George, but she is making my eyes bleed, and I really need her to go home, so I am keeping the faith.

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