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September 13, 2010

Dating is Impossible, Online Dating is Brutal and I Will Never Be Good at It

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/dating_is_impossible_online_dating_is_brutal_and_i_will_never_be_good_at_it/

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Eleven years ago I was working at Survivors of the Shoah Visual History Foundation.  During that time I worked with a man on a few events.  I never met him in person, but we had fun on the phone, and he was a great help to me.  He was lovely.

About a year and a half ago, after my boss at the Jewish Journal read one of my blogs about a particularly bad date, and he suggested I go out with a guy he knows.  He was Jewish, rode a Harley and my boss vouched for him being a good guy.  The date never panned out.

A few days ago I was feeling frustrated with my dating through JDate.  I cannot get a date to save my life.  I write to men and get responses back that my blog is great reading, but they don’t want to go on a date because they are not interested in getting written about. I am praying there is a man out there who is strong enough to take on both me and my blog.

It’s tough because I want to meet someone to spend time with, and am convinced he can be found on JDate, but as a blogger who shares her life on a Jewish website, finding love on another Jewish website turns out to be near impossible.  Jewish geography is not so great.

I decided after several weeks of nothing happening on JDate that I would do a test.  I activated my profile on another dating site for a 4 hour period.  In that time I got over 100 people looking at me and 12 emails.  I wrote back to one man, sent my number and then deleted my profile.

The gentleman called me and we have a nice chat.  This is where it gets weird.  It turns out he is the guy I knew eleven years ago at the Shoah Foundation.  I had never met him so I had no idea what he looked like. It’s such a small world that years later he would write me on a dating site.

Even stranger is that he is also the same guy my boss at the Jewish Journal thought I should go out on a date with.  What are the chances that a) I would meet this man in person because of an online dating site and b) that he would the same guy my boss wanted me to meet.  Very weird.

We met yesterday for a coffee.  At one point when I was waiting for him, a man came in looking around for someone and I thought if this is the guy I am going to stab myself in the throat with my straw.  There is a moment of panic when you see someone in person that you met online.

I eventually found him and was pleasantly surprised.  He looked like his pictures, was charming and funny.  It was nice to meet and talk about our history.  It’s a small world and six degrees of separation is possible with everyone.  It felt like I was meeting an old friend.

Our conversation was very nice, but somehow not as easy as it had been on the phone.  I could not get a read on him in terms of his body language and it was a little odd.  I went into the date thinking he dug me and wanted to meet me, but left the date thinking he was not that interested.

Maybe he was tired or nervous.  Maybe he was not physically attracted to me.  I don’t know.  I thought he was great and while I’m not sure it was a love connection, I would want to get to know him better and spend time with him, but I don’t think it was mutual.

I hate dating.  It’s stressful and exhausting.  I never leave a date thinking I was not good enough or pretty enough.  My self-esteem is off the charts.  I do leave however feeling disappointed when it doesn’t go well because I know I will need to do it all again if I want to meet “him”.

I don’t know if he will call me.  In the end I didn’t impale myself with a straw so that is a blessing.  My Beshert is out there.  Maybe I’ve met him already or maybe I will stumble upon him when I least expect it.  Either way, I will stay hopeful and focus on keeping the faith.

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