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October 28, 2010

Dating and Being Sexy When You Think You’re Skinny, But Others Think You’re Fat

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/dating_and_sex_when_you_think_youre_skinny_but_others_think_youre_fat_20101/

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I have been doing a little dating lately and it’s been good.  I am currently on Match.Com and am meeting some really lovely men.  I talk a lot about how interesting it is to date at age 44.  Today I’d like to focus on what it’s like to date in the body of a 44 year old real woman.

For a long time I described my body as “average” in my online profile.  The average size of a woman in America is 16, and I fluctuate between a 12 and a 14, so I am actually a little under average in terms of my body, but people seeing me in person would think I was heavy.

In middle America I might be considered average, in other places around the world my ass would be considered perfection, but in Los Angeles, I am obese.  This is the land of skinny, and even in the suburbs, away from Hollywood, it is still Skinnyville.

I went on a date with a dentist who told me I was a little too heavy for his liking.  I also went out with a marketing executive who said I was little smaller than what he likes to date.  Everyone has a type I suppose, but is the type based on a person’s character or how they look?

I have a physical type and also a character type.  In terms of character, my top “types” are honest, funny and tactile.  In terms of physical “types”, I like tall, light eyes, bald, and Jewish.  I imagine people are pissed off that I said Jewish was a physical type but for me it is.

Jewish men have a look.  From Goldberg to Woody Allen, there is a Jewish vibe in how someone looks that I love.  That’s not what this blog is about however, so if you’re offended by my stereotype then just write a comment slamming me for it, and we’ll move on.

I used to be really heavy.  Over the past six years I have lost over 100 pounds.  When my father passed away I weighed almost 300 pounds.  I was divorced, a young mother, and incredibly unhealthy.  My dad died and it was a wake up call.  I did not want to die and leave my son.

The reason I share this piece of information is to give you some perspective.  For me, right now, as a size 14, I am a supermodel.  I am so skinny that if I could walk around naked all day and flaunt it, I would.  I am the skinniest I have ever been as an adult and I love it.

I’m not a hide under the covers and shut the lights kind of girl.  I have an embracing and healthy view of my body.  Perhaps it’s because I used to be heavier, or perhaps it’s just because I am a grown up, and sexual, and I judge myself from the inside out.

I have more self-confidence than most.  I happen to think I am fabulous.  I am funny, smart, a great housekeeper, a brilliant cook, a patient listener, and a supportive partner.  I am romantic, enjoy touch, and think sex is an important part of being a grown up.  I’m a catch!

I happen to be the perfect girl, trapped in a “fat girl’s” body, and unless a man digs fat chicks, I’m not going to get a chance which is a drag.  I don’t think I’m fat.  I know I am viewed as a fat chick by some and it’s cool.  I would love to be a size 8 but that’s just not my destiny.

I am confident in how I look but at the same time it’s hurtful when I am judged by my weight.  Having a few extra pound does not mean you are a slob.  I hike once a week, walk everyday, and take care of myself.  I don’t do it to look good, but to feel good.

If a man is looking for a girl who is pretty, caring, funny, supportive, loving, helpful, dedicated, loyal, tactile, sexual, entertaining, nurturing and in possession of an incredible ability to keep the faith through thick and thin, then he needs to look past weight.

I will love him, love his kids, be his dream girl, respect him as a human being, allow him to be a man, and make his life better.  I will never suck in my stomach, always make myself look nice, and if I want a sandwich instead of a salad, I will have one, with fries instead of fruit.

I will always cook healthy in my home and splurge when I am out.  I will continue to search for a man who will love me and my fabulous size 14 ass. I will always be fantastic, and bravo to the man who realizes my ass will not always be a size 14, and picks his type from the inside out.

My online profile body type has been changed from “average” to “a few extra pounds” so the interest may die down and it’s okay if it does.  I’d rather hear from 1 really great guy than 12 posers.  At the end of the day it’s not about my size, as much as it is about keeping the faith.

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