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October 10, 2013

Dating 101 – Timing is Everything

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/dating_101_timing_is_everything/

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I have a date with Coach tonight and I am looking forward to it.  He is a lovely man. He listens, values my opinion, thinks I am beautiful, makes me laugh, and through his life experiences I am not only able to respect his bravery and grace, but also value my own experiences in a new way. I have a crush on this man and I look forward to spending more time with him.

We are dating and have removed our online dating profiles.  I suppose it is a silly gesture to some, but it is romantic to me.  That we want to respect our getting to know each other in a way that does not include advertising ourselves to others matters to me.  The conversation we had while making this decision was sweet and I am smiling now as I think of it. 

Before I met Coach I was chatting on JDate with a man we’ll call “Jake”. He reached out to me and we ended up having a really great banter over instant message and email. Jake is funny with a nice smile. A successful man who has the world’s cutest dog. Honestly, I think I spoke to him initially because I was in love with his dog. 

After several exchanges online I gave Jake my phone number and told him to call.  He never called. It was baffling to me because I could not understand how someone I had such a great banter with would then not call.  I actually felt bad about it and cancelled my JDate profile before Coach and me decided we would go offline. The truth is Jake hurt my feelings.

If I could have exchanges with Jake that made me actually go online to look for him, and he couldn't be bothered to call me, what was I doing?  Then I met Coach and we started to date.  Not only did we date, but he courted me, got to know me, let me know my opinion mattered, and made me realize I didn’t need to mend my heart, simply open it up again.

On Tuesday I got a message from Jake on the email people use to contact me about my blog.  He wrote me a lovely note telling me he wished me well with Coach, was a schmuck for not calling, and should it not work out he’d like to meet me for a drink.  It was sweet and it mattered.  I hope people will be kind and for a man I assumed was unkind to correct me, was nice.

I am worthy of great love and Jake’s email got me thinking about timing.  I have been looking for someone.  My heart was broken and so I was wounded and somewhat fragile.  I was certain I needed a man to swoop in and tell me what to do.  In the end it was a gentle giant who simply walked up, held my hand, and led me out of the dark.  The time was right.

Six months ago I would have written to Jake and told him he really needed to call me because I was desperate.  Three months ago I would have told Jake he was an asshole for not calling because I was bitter.  Today, right now, I am able to thank Jake for taking the time to write because I am hopeful.  I never wear a watch, but am feeling gratitude for good timing.

I am at a point in my life where I am clear on what I want.  I am smart enough to not settle for someone, secure enough to know I can be patient, hopeful enough to know he will come, and jaded enough to know when I am dealing with smoke and mirrors.  When it comes to affairs of the heart timing is everything and my time is now, so I am keeping the faith.

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