June 23, 2013
Dating 101: I’m Jewish, Not Really
For the love of God, I honestly do not know how much longer I can date. It is required of course because I want to meet someone, but with each bad date I am one step closer to channeling my inner lesbian and dating women, or perhaps just getting a box of chocolate, a cat, and calling it a day. Are all single men my age group stupid? Are men so clueless that they believe lies will not catch up with them eventually?
I only date Jewish men. I write about it, talk about it, clearly state it in my online dating profile, and if people know anything about me at all, it is that Jewish is my thing. Being Jewish is how I define myself. It shapes my worldview, role as a mother, and connection to God. I love religion and believethat life is easier when you have faith, and faith does not need to be based in religion. It is just a belief in something.
I have faith in people, in myself, in the future, and in the lessons of the past. I define my faith through Judaism because it is where I am most comfortable, my most authentic self, and my happiest. Both of my parents are Jewish and even though I was born into this religion, as an adult I choose to be Jewish not because it is my only option, but because it is in my heart. Say what you want about me, but don’t mess with faith.
I have seen all kinds of lying on my dating journey. Men have lied about their height, weight, age, job, children, and marital status. I have learned to laugh at it most of the time, but it is frustrating, hurts my feelings, and frankly, pisses me off. There is simply no reason to lie. If you want to just get laid, are married, are a hobbit, or make minimum wage, there is someone out there who will love you, so be honest and you find that person.
I was written to this week by a man who is 52, works in real estate, is divorced with 1 grown child, and listed his religion as “spiritual but not religious”. I don’t need to be at the same level of observance as someone I am dating, but I do want them to be Jewish. I asked this man if he was Jewish, as I clearly state it is important to me, and he told me that he was in fact a Jew. He said he was not religious, but raised Jewish.
We met for a drink and he was lovely. He was charming and super funny, with a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor, which I love. After about an hour, we were having a great time, had chemistry, and were very comfortable. We ordered another drink and settled into a rhythm as we got to know each other. It was then that he told me he had a confession to make. I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t, so I told him to share.
He told me he thought I was great, did not expect us to get along so good, thought I was prettier than my pictures, quick witted, and both conservative, yet a little wild. He said that he felt there was something worth pursuing between us, and in the interest of full disclosure, he wanted me to know that he was not really Jewish. He just said he was because he did not think it would be a big deal if things were good between us.
Really? We are going to lie about God now? Of all the things men lie about, I now need to add religion to the list? Had he written me and said he was not Jewish, but felt we should meet anyway, I would have politely turned him down. My mother always told me not to play with matches unless I was prepared to deal with a fire, so I don’t put myself in a position where I might be faced with a fire. I am not a bad person, I’m just really honest.
I could write all day about faith and what it means to me, but this is not about faith, it is about men lying. Stop. I know that women lie too and I am certainly not implying that they don’t, but come on. Saying you are Jewish to meet someone is lame. I would have found out. Lucky for him and his penis that he came clean and I didn’t find out while the gold cross he wears on a gold chain was dangling above me and waving between my boobs.
That would have resulted in a little thing us Jews like to call circumcision. Oy dear! I thanked him for telling me truth, and was gracious and kind. By gracious of course I mean I told him it was a douchebag move. I also told him that while I was flattered, I was also horrified by the lie. My quest continues and I will keep calm and hope it gets better. I will find my prince eventually, and he will be Jewish, so I am keeping the faith.