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August 14, 2012

Coming Home For a Good Cry

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/coming_home_for_a_good_cry_20120814/

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Montreal

Yesterday I drove with my son from Toronto to Montreal.  We blasted RUSH and Justin Bieber and I will tell you that both artists sound just a little better in Canada.  We zoomed along the 401 and life was grand.  I cried for the first hour after we left Toronto having left my brother.  After I recovered I was settle into the time with my son.

My mother called me 5 times while we drove to see where we were.  That was cute compared to my older sister who called me 12 times. By cute of course I mean a little annoying and very funny.  We stopped about an hour outside of Montreal to get a drink and I called home to tell them I was going to be there soon.  That is when I started crying again.

I have not seen my older sister since my son’s Bar Mitzvah 3 and a half years ago. We talk most days, but it has been a long time since I held her close.  She may be the funniest person I know.  She is kind and warm, has a nurturing heart, and will take the shirt off her back to give it to you if you give any indication that you like it in any way.  She is lovely.

My sister asked me to call her when I was 10 minutes away but I decided to not call and just surprise her.  As I pulled up to the house, there was my mother, waiting outside. I knew it would happen this way.  The moment I told her I was an hour away, she went outside to wait for me incase I was off on the time it would take to get to her.

My son jumped out of the car to hug her and it was very sweet.  I parked and when I got out of the car she was right there waiting for me.  I held her close and she hung on tight to take it all in.  She smelled my hair and touched my face so as to memorize it all so when I left she could remember.  I did the same thing.  I love her completely.

To sit at the kitchen table with my mom and sister is divine.  We laugh, cry, go down memory lane, remember our childhood, and talk about my Dad.  I woke up at 6 am local time and sat on the couch waiting for someone to wake up.  I don’t want to waste a single minute that I am with them.  My visit is very short and so seconds are important.

We are going to Old Montreal today for lunch and to stroll around.  It will feel like we are in another country on holiday and I will cherish the memories of this day.  Tonight I am taking everyone out for dinner and it will be wonderful.  Tomorrow I am going to visit my Dad and I am nervous.  I have not been to his grave in years, which is sad.

I am going to sit and talk with him.  Tell him all about my son, assure him the family is okay, and that while we are sad and miss him, we are holding it together.  I will laugh and cry.  I will thank God for our time together and at the same time question why he needed to go.  My father passed away when he was 63, which is tragic.  I want him back.

I am going to be in Montreal for only 3 days which is silly, but I am grateful for the time.  It is so hard when you work and have a life and family away from your family.  I am blessed to have the time here, but wish it could be more.  I love these people because they are family, but also because they are wonderful people.  They are my heart.

I have cried three times today for no apparent reason.  I looked at my sister making tea and I cried.  I watched my nephew drive off to work and I cried. I watched my son laughing with my mother and I cried.  It is very emotional to be here and my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving. It is so hard to not live close to my family.  I miss so much.

Over twenty years ago I left Toronto for Los Angeles for holiday.  I was only coming to spend the summer and now here I am, all these years later, with a family of my own, in a city far away from the people I love most in the world..  I may not return to Canada to live, but I must come more often.  I am going to wipe my tears and keep the faith.

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