November 20, 2009
Cesar Milan: Love Whisperer
After spending countless hours and insane amounts of money searching for love I have discovered what has been missing from my plan. It turns out there is one sure fire thing that opens the door to meeting men and I feel quite comfortable saying that it is guaranteed to also work for men wanting to meet women. What is this magical thing you ask? A DOG!
As you know I own a cat and we all know that the quickest way to turn a man off is to say you have a cat and I’d be willing to guess that nine times out of ten when a man says he is allergic to cats he really isn’t allergic so much as he thinks on some level you are a crazy cat lady so he lies as a way to quickly run for the hills.
Cesar Milan is the world famous Dog Whisperer and I wonder if he has ever thought about branching out to also become a Love Whisperer because this man has a gold mine within his grasp and all he needs to do is start holding singles mixers for people with dogs who are looking for love and voila, he is the Dog/Love Whisperer.
Last night I dog sat for Parker who is a Labradoodle who belongs to my friends Michelle and Jeff and let me just say that I love this dog. She is so sweet and may be the best dog ever. She is gentle, has a great personality and I like hanging out with her. She follows me around like a dog, which is so cute and not surprising since she is in fact a dog.
When we went for a walk every single person that passed us stopped to say hello and touch her fluffy head. People smiled and asked about her and asked how my day was and wished me well and were kind and sharing and it was as if Parker brought out the best in people which was lovely and I felt all was well in the world.
When a man stopped his run to say hello to Parker and the sweat was glistening on his brow and his muscles were twitching and his hair fell into his eyes as he looked up from his crouched position of patting Parker life was good and by good I mean I heard violins and he had to ask me what kind of dog she was three times before I heard him over the fire works.
My friend Laurel has a Chihuahua whose name is Daisy and she is a dainty little girly girl who wears clothes. She looks like the complete opposite of Parker yet the reactions are exactly the same. Everyone stops to talk when you have a dog no matter what kind of dog you have.
The animal magnetism is only there with a dog because when I put my cat Fiddles in a baby bjorn and took her for a walk around the block people not only did not stop to talk to us but actually crossed the street to get away and gave me the “Oh my gawd look at the crazy cat lady” look.
I am offering my dog watching services to Parker and Daisy anytime they want to hang out and by hang out of course I mean I am going to blatantly use their cuteness to meet men and if that means that I need to steal them and pass them off as my own then I am going to do it and Michelle, Jeff and Laurel will have to sacrifice their dogs to my love life.
Should Cesar decide to branch out into matchmaking, and even though I am a fake part time dog owner, I will be the first one to sign up with Parker and Daisy. To all the beautiful dogs who are in shelters right now waiting for people to save them, your day is coming so keep the faith.