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April 12, 2010

Can Single Women Date With No Expectations?

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/can_single_women_date_with_no_expectations_20100412/

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If I had a dollar for every time my friends and me talked about going on a date with no expectations, I would be a millionaire.  Women like to give that advice to each other.  The problem is, and I am speaking for only myself, it is impossible to date without expectations.

I am romantic.  Every great love affair starts with a date, and every great date, ends with the hope of a great kiss.  I am searching for someone. I am not looking for something, but someone.  I used to think the goal was to get married.  It’s not.  The goal is to share my life with a wonderful man.

My problem with dating is not that I don’t trust men.  It’s more about not trusting myself.  I am responsible for my choices, and I have made some in the past few years, that were not good.  Tennyson wrote: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.  Really?  I’m not sure I agree.

It’s possible that those who believe this saying to be true, have never really been in love.  It could also depend on how you lost the love.  If someone leaves you, and crushes your heart, then it’s not worth it.  If someone dies, and is taken from you to soon, then it was totally worth it.

The biggest problem with dating is lack of honesty.  We spend so much time assuming to know what the other person is thinking or feeling, that if we just had the courage to ask them, and they had the courage to reply honestly, there would be much happier couples.

While I certainly have hopes and dreams about my dating life, and the man I will meet, I have only one expectation.  I have the same expectation not only with my romantic relationships, but with every single relationship in my life.  Be honest.  I will be honest with you, and I expect you to be honest with me.

I am honest in my writing, and in my business.  I am honest with my friends and my family.  I teach my son to be honest, as it will be the key to his success, and being respected.  Being honest is easy.  If you tell the truth, you never need to worry about what you said coming back to haunt you, because your story will always be the same.

It’s hard to be honest when dating.  There are so many dating experts that will tell you what to do, but ultimately, no matter whose advice you take, what books you read, or whether you follow your heart, at the end of the day, dating sucks ass, and there is nothing you can do to change that.

Let’s talk about last night.  I had another date with “Ari”, and let me just say, I really like him.  He feels very comfortable to me.  He is not like anyone I’ve ever dated before, and so maybe is that is what is so appealing.  I’m not sure what it is exactly, but I like him.

He is smart, which is very attractive.  I like how he thinks.  He is funny and a bit of a smartass.  He challenges me, and makes me a little nervous, which is somehow appealing.  I make fun of his accent, he makes fun of my Hebrew, and we share an ease that comes from time, even though we just met.

I have not been interested in anyone for a long while, so I am second guessing myself.  It’s a horrible feeling.  I am strong and independent, yet he makes me feel all girly.  It’s lovely when a man can make you flutter, and at the same time, it is beyond annoying to a control freak like me.

Do I call, or do I email?  Do I go on other dates, or do I wait and see if there is something here?  Do I take down my profile from online, or leave it there and advertise myself?  Do I sleep with him, or wait until we are in an exclusive relationship?  There are a million questions, and no right answer.

It’s insane that women put them selves through all this.  We had a great date, yet I’m wondering what he thinks about me, when clearly he digs me.  What is hilarious about the whole thing, is that while I am thinking about all of this nonsense, he is thinking about what he will have for lunch.

Ari, if you’re reading, and I know you are, hello.  Thank you for a lovely evening.  I think you are wonderful.  Honestly.  I write a blog about being single, and who I date, so here we are.  Thanks for giving me permission to share our dates with the masses.  You’re a trooper.

I’m a horrible dater Sweetie.  I never now if what I am doing is right or wrong.  I have no idea if you will read this and think I am adorable, or crazy.  It really could go either way.  All I can do is put it all out there, and assure you that I am indeed, both adorable, and crazy.

I am going to a dinner party in honor of my birthday on Friday night.  I would love for you to come with me, and meet some of my friends.  It will be a fun evening, and I imagine it will be just a little bit better if you’re there with me.  While you think that over, I’ll just wait here, and keep the faith.

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