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June 17, 2011

Battle of the Blogs: Old vs. Young & Battle of the Bulge: Skinny vs. Not Skinny

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/battle_of_the_blog_old_vs_young_battle_of_the_bulge_skinny_vs_fat_2011061/

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I commented on another writer’s blog earlier in the week and rather than read my opinion, try to learn from it, or perhaps allow herself to solidify her own point of view, the writer decided to challenge me to a battle. She is young and inexperienced so it’s kind of cute.  By cute of course I mean not cute at all, and now I find myself responding to silliness.

Tamara Kagel’s bio says she is a writer.  She calls herself as a “struggling” writer, which could mean she is not making any money, or simply struggling to write. I will let you read her two blogs, You Should Be Skinny and Date Down or Date Slim, and you can decide what struggling means.  As a writer who is not struggling, I am happy to send my readers her way.

Ms. Kagel wrote articles, which in my opinion are an unfortunate way for one woman to view another.  She lives in a world that she says I do not understand, but fails to realize I have already lived in that world and rather than learn from someone who has experienced it, she has become the mean girl who picked a fight.  The thing is, I’m too old and too smart to fight with her.

Rather than read and let it go, its now personal and I am the old lady to her youth and the fat broad to her thin self. There was an opportunity for real dialogue and growth. I invited her to lunch thinking we could chat, she would see we are not as different as she believes we are, and perhaps collaborate and write something really important together.

Instead of simply accepting my offer to meet, she wrote a very, very long Open Letter to Ilana Angel.  Tamara, you start your letter to me saying you appreciate my sharing my “personal struggles”,  but that your opinion remains unchanged.  I was not trying to change your opinion and my life is not a struggle.

I write a lot of different things.  I am a writer.  Thisparticular blog, “Keeping the Faith” is about my life, the world I live in, the world I am raising my son in, and my search for love.  I don’t struggle to write it, or struggle to have my voice heard.  To label this blog as simply a place where I talk about my “struggles” is rude and shows a lack of respect.

I will let people read your articles on their own and form their own opinions. You will get great numbers this week so you’re welcome.  To clarify, I did not say your soul was ugly.  I do not know you and plus I would never say such a thing.  I said how you view women is ugly and a weight on your soul.  Your disrespect of other women is what is ugly, not your soul.

You said I am preaching women should love their bodies and regardless of what size they are, someone will love them.  Not exactly what I said but whatever.  If you had been fat and were now thin, and could say with certainty that life was easier for you now, I might take you more seriously. You are a skinny girl who has always been skinny, who is passing judgment on something that no first hand knowledge of.

You write as if you are an expert on this subject when you are not.  You read an article at CNN and built a blog about it.  That’s a great thing, but your tone, and lack of any sympathy or empathy on the subject made you look mean.  You are adamant that you don’t want to change your opinion on the subject of women and weight, which is just a silly thing to say.

You say I am in denial and even have the balls to refer to a blog I wrote about a date I had.  You know nothing about me, or my date, and took from the article what you wanted, in order to manipulate my situation to prove your point.  My date had issues that had nothing to do with me and again rather than supporting another woman, you tried to make me feel bad about myself.

Your letter says we do a disservice to our children by not preparing them for the real world.  Honestly Tamara, you have no idea what you are talking about.  I am a mother and I am raising my son to believe in himself because that is my job. I am helping a boy become a man.  He has respect for himself and for women.  You should be ashamed of yourself for that one.

You made a point of saying we move in different circles. You are young, I am old, you are thin, I am fat, and we fish in different dating ponds.  I don’t agree, but let’s assume you are correct.  Who cares?  This is not about age or size because I am not old or fat.  This is about the fact that you have painted yourself into a corner.  God help your kids if they don’t get the skinny gene.

You want so badly to point out the areas where we are different, rather than where we are the same.  We are more alike than you think, or are willing to admit.  You are young and fabulous and the world is your oyster.  Here’s the thing Sweetie, I have eaten the oyster I can safely say that you are in for a rude awakening if you place these views on your children.

I could write a million things about your theory on “top tier” men but I am certain you will not get it.  You are unable to see that your view of men, women and relationships will change as you get older, wiser and more experienced.  That makes me sad for you.  You think you are being attacked for speaking the truth but you are completely missing the point.

You wrote, “Faith is an amazing thing.  But sometimes, faith can be a poor substitute for logic and reason.”  This speaks volumes to me about who you are.  I feel bad that a beautiful and vibrant woman has these views. When I started this blog I was annoyed with you and now at the end of this blog, I feel sadness and pity for you that this is the voice you want to share.

I wish you well with your writing and the new relationship you have begun.  I imagine lunch is off the table but the offer is still there should you ever want to hang out with an out of touch old lady.  You’ll need to come to the valley of course as driving over the hill is a struggle for my old, fat bones.  Be kind to yourself when others are not Tamara, and remember to keep the faith

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