Posted by Ilana Angel
I like Facebook. It keeps me connected to many people, and has allowed me to reconnect with some I never thought I would see again, due to distance and time. Not to mention the fact that I am addicted to my farm!
It was a very proud moment when my son invited me to be his Facebook friend. When his friends started to invite me to be their friends too, I about lost my mind. I was so happy they trusted me to be a part of their world.
My son has a ton of friends on Facebook, and most of them are kids I don’t know. They go to his current school, his old school, his USY group, his camp friends, his friends friends. They spend a lot of time on there.
While I am my son’s Facebook friend, and can see his page, I also have his password. I go into his account periodically to look around, and make sure everything is cool. I check messages and postings, by him and the other kids.
There are so many articles and news stories about bullying, and kids simply being mean to each other, it is my obligation to monitor his correspondence to ensure that not only my son, but his friends, are ok.
This weekend, a girl I do not know, sent a disturbing message to all the kids. She had invited them to join two Facebook groups, both of which were very mean spirited, and focused on banning gay marriage. The girl is 13 years old.
It makes me very sad because she is young, and I assume the feelings she has on the subject where taught to her by her parents. I am constantly shocked by people and how they perpetuate hate, when they have the power to show their kids a better way.
I support gay marriage. I support gay rights, in the same way I support human rights. There is no difference to me between gay or straight. We all deserve the same. That is what I believe, and what I teach my son.
I was not sure what to do. Do I tell my son to “un-friend” her on Facebook? Does that not make me intolerant, just like her? It was the first time that I was torn about having too much information, and wondered if I should not have checked his messages.
In the end, my son handled it. He and his friends said they thought she was wrong and they ignored her request. They don’t agree with her and if anything, they think she is an idiot and feel sorry for her, which makes me sad for her.
My son is smart and responsible. While he knows a ton of people, his core group of friends are really wonderful. I love them, and equally as important, I trust them, and want to believe that will always be the case.
I don’t want to feel so comfortable and secure in the knowledge that they are great kids, that I get lazy, and miss signs of things I should be seeing. I am blessed we are close and talk, but I don’t want to be naïve.
We need to trust, but still question. I am blessed that my son is open with me and shares parts of his life that I don’t see. I am also nervous because he is 14, and will be in high school in the fall. I imagine the most difficult time is yet to come.
I will keep my eyes and ears open. I must watch over him so he feels safe and respected, without forcing him to pull away because he feels smothered. The next few years will require extra prayers and strength. Made easier I hope, by my keeping the faith.
12.19.13 at 2:57 am | My son has a free schlepping service.
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (423)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (263)
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played. (255)
February 13, 2010 | 10:30 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
As I watched the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, I was overcome with pride that I am a Canadian. For a moment, it made me wish my strategically placed tattoo of the Canadian Flag were in a place where everyone could see it.
I moved to Canada when I was 3 years old. My father worked for the NCR Company and with each promotion, throughout his 30 year career, we moved to a new city. I have lived in:
Langley, British Columbia
Toronto, Ontario, and
Halifax, Nova Scotia.
I love Canada. I love butter tarts, ketchup flavored potato chips, Red Rose tea, and gravy on my french fries. I am happy that my son is also a Canadian citizen. Even after 18 years in Los Angeles, Canada is my home, and always will be.
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command
With glowing hearts we see thee rise
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada
we stand on guard for thee
God keep our land, glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee
I am thrilled that the world is getting a chance to see how great Canada is, how wonderful her people are, and the beauty of Vancouver and the surrounding areas.
Good luck to all the athletes. May God keep you safe, and my prayers and support to the Olympic team of Georgia.
To all those competing, take a deep breath, give it your all, savor the moment, and keep the faith!
February 12, 2010 | 4:54 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have decided to no longer watch Millionaire Matchmaker. I simply cannot watch it without getting annoyed. My dilemma, is that I have gotten so many emails from my regular readers asking me to not give up, and blog about it one more time.
I love you my darlings, and I respect that you spend time reading my blog. The truth is, I just tried to watch this week’s episode, and lasted about 2 minutes, before I wanted to throw something at the television.
When Patti Stanger dismissed a wedding planner, because she had never done a “celebrity” wedding, it was over. I do not understand why this show is still on television, why people watch it, or why she thinks she is a celebrity.
As I was trying to stop my eyes from burning, I realized that I know who the perfect client is for Patti Stanger and her team. They simply must set up Lori Gottlieb!
If Patti Stanger can find someone to marry Lori Gottlieb, I will not only watch her show, but I will let everyone know it is the greatest show ever! If she can find a match, who has also read Ms. Gottlieb’s book, she will be the greatest matchmaker to have ever walked the face of the earth.
I think Patti and Lori should hang out. They have so much in common, they could be BFF’s. To those who wrote to ask that I blog one more time about the train wreck that is Millionaire Matchmaker, forgive me. I just can’t do it. I really tried. In the end, it turns out that even I have my reality television limits.
Shabbat Shalom. Have a wonderful weekend, and to anyone who celebrate Valentine’s Day, enjoy. To those searching for love, buy yourself some flowers and get a box of chocolates. Next year we will all be in love, if we just keep the faith.
February 11, 2010 | 9:28 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love television and the movies. I am not ashamed to admit that I read People, US Weekly, and many of the other entertainment based gossip magazines. I like the pictures, and find the fodder entertaining. Do you ever think about celebrities, and wonder what kind of friend they are?
For a long time I have felt that if George Clooney were to ever meet me, he would immediately profess his undying love, meet with a Rabbi to begin the conversion process, go ring shopping, and we would be married and live happily ever after, for as long as we both shall live.
I was having a discussion with friends about Jews marrying Jews. We were talking about how many Jewish men marry outside their faith, and someone said they thought women do it more often. I mentioned that I personally knew more men than women, who chose to have an interfaith marriage.
Someone then used Scarlett Johansson as an example of a Jewish woman marrying outside her faith. I was surprised. Not that Scarlett married someone who was not Jewish, but that she was Jewish at all. I was the only person there, who did not know that Scarlett was Jewish.
I went online to see for myself, and there it was, her mother comes from a Jewish family in the Bronx. I read up on her and it turns out that she is quite interesting, and a great role model for women. I’m willing to bet she is loyal, and wouldn’t advise her friends to settle for “Mr. Good Enough”.
She has a career that consists of both hits and misses. She transitioned from being a child actor, into adult roles, very successfully. I do not know her, but I think I would really like her. She seems great, and I’m happy for her and her successes, both professionally and personally.
I would like to go out for drinks with Scarlett Johansson. Actually, Scarlett and Sarah Silverman. I think that would be a fun night. I told my son about my made-up night out with the girls, and he said I should also invite Natalie Portman, so we would have a full table of “4 hot Jewish chicks.”
For every one really bad, stereotyped Jewish woman, (Patti Stanger), there are fabulous Jewish women like Scarlett, Natalie and Sarah to be fabulous role models. I hope that my son will one day meet a wonderful, smart, and funny Jewish woman to share his life with.
While I’m waiting for that to happen, I am going to work on getting these three ladies together for a drink. If I can get one, it will create a domino effect and they will all join in. So, Scarlett, call me. I will be standing by, waiting for the call, and keeping the faith.
February 11, 2010 | 1:10 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love Valentine’s Day. I love Cupid and the idea that he can shoot an arrow, and create love where it never existed. As a child, with the last name Angel, I got Cupid themed gifts all the time. I loved the little fellow, and hoped that one day he would get me straight through the heart.
I have friends, both single and married, who loathe Valentine’s Day. They think it’s over commercialized, and resent that they are forced to show love on this particular day. I can appreciate there is a lot of pressure to have the day be special. What is really interesting, is to see the day through the eyes of my 14 year old son, and his friends.
They are going to a Valentine’s Day party this weekend, and are talking about who will be asked to be a Valentine. It’s sweet, but you can sense the underlying pressure. It’s the beginning of the end for these kids. Over the next year they will be sucked into the chaos that is love, and there will be no turning back.
One of my son’s friends just broke up with his girlfriend. They are 14 years old. The pain on this boys face is palpable. We chat on Facebook everyday, and it’s crushing to see how sad he is. Sidebar: I am so proud that my son and his buddies are my Facebook friends. A lot of moms don’t make the Facebook cut!
To hear this boy speak of how heartbroken he is, is sad and fascinating. He is convinced that he will never feel this bad, ever again. I want to hug him and explain that it will be okay, and at the same time it’s difficult to not laugh. The poor guy has no idea. This is nothing my dear, sweet boy. Just wait!
I was thinking about how hard it is to have a broken heart when you are young. You cannot imagine that you will ever feel better, or will ever love anyone the same way. You panic, and try to figure out ways to get them back. There is a naïve quality to being young and in love.
Who am I kidding? Those feelings are the same whether you are 14 or 44. When my son’s pal talked about how he was feeling, he used the same words I have used as an adult. Love is the greatest feeling in the world, and at the same time, the most horrible feeling ever.
For Valentine’s Day this year I will be with my son and his heartbroken friend. We are going out for sushi and a movie. It will be a great day, and I will be with two fabulous young men. It will be my job to listen, be supportive, and keep the idea of love alive for these kids.
As parents, we want to share our experiences, and give our children realistic expectations. We want their lives to be better, to take away their pain and heartache, so they have nothing but happiness. We can do that in a lot of areas, but sadly love is not one of them.
Love can be divine, delicious and grand. Sometimes it is bitter, vicious and crushing. We say the most wonderful things to the people we love, and at the same time, we hurt the ones we love more than anyone else. There are no boundaries to the heights, or depths, that love can take us.
I am going into the Valentine’s Day weekend with hope. Hope that Cupid will find me. Hope that my son will be brave enough to love and be loved. Hope that his friend will recover quickly from his broken heart. Hope that when I find love, through the good and bad, I will keep the faith.
February 9, 2010 | 4:28 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Last night I watched The Bachelor on ABC. The fact that people are brave enough to go on television and search for love is fascinating to me. By fascinating, of course I mean it’s a train wreck, and I can’t get enough.
For every 15 people on this show, maybe 3 are actually looking for love, not fame. The search for those three people is worth all the time we invest watching. The end of the season is fast approaching, and I can’t wait.
We are down to the last four women. Ali, the mean girl. Tenley, the divorced Disney princess. Gia, the gorgeous model. And Vienna, the eloping, money stealing, posing naked, can’t drive, has a weird relationship with her dad, soldier disrespecting, Florida swamp girl. (My favorite.)
We start off in NYC with Gia. She is really pretty. So good looking, that you almost forget how annoying her voice and laugh are. Almost. She talks about her insecurities, which makes her more beautiful. One would imagine a girl who looks like this, must be so secure. In the end, she is just a girl, and quite endearing.
She takes Jake on a boat ride around Manhattan. They seem awkward to me. I think he is into how she looks, but there is not a lot of substance. She might be a little too trophy, and not enough wife. There would not be a lot of deep conversations, but there may be a table flip or two. I just don’t feel it, and think Gia has another broken heart in her future.
Of all the parents we meet, Gia’s mom is the one I like the most. I love how much she loves her kids. She would be a great mother-in-law. Plus, you’d get summers on the Jersey Shore, and we all know that is fabulous.
If he picks her, it will be like Harrison Ford and Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. It could work. In the same way that blueberries go in a bagel, or mayo on a corned beef sandwich. It’s weird, but some people like it.
We are now in Massachusetts with Ali. I’m not a fan of this girl, which is a change. She was my top pick early on. By not a fan, of course I mean I want this chick to be gone. Jake looks at her differently than he looks at the others. I think of all the girls, he loves her the most. That’s too bad because she is evil.
Ali takes Jake for a tour of her dead grandmother’s house. It sounds disturbing, but was actually quite romantic and sweet. They then go to her mom’s house for dinner. No real connection between Jake and Ali’s family.
When he is talking to her mom, he does not ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage, but talks about how he would want to know how she felt. She gives him her blessing. Then Ali tells him that if he asked her to marry him right then, she would say yes. She does not care about Jake. She is all about being on television. I want her gone.
Off we go to Oregon to meet Tenley and her family. They meet in the park, and go for a walk. Tenley tells Jake she hates to talk about her ex. Really? She does not stop talking about her ex-husband for the entire visit. Not only does she not stop talking about it, neither does her family.
I’m so over this chick. She is going to do a dance for Jake and mentions 3 times that her ex-husband never cared about her dancing. How many times do you think they all refer to her Ex? A total of 16 times. Obviously they don’t like talking about him.
When Jake is talking about the dance, he calls it a “lyrical routine”. Really? Clearly Jake watches So You Think You Can Dance. Love it. Now we see Tenley’s dad and Jake having a private chat.
The dad admits that they’ve watched The Bachelor in the past. Cute. Then Jake does it. He asks Tenley’s dad for her hand in marriage. The dad gives it. It’s the only parent he asks for permission to get married from. Interesting.
We are now in Florida with Vienna. They have the easiest vibe, but they make out the least. They go on a boat ride through the swamp and have a good talk. They then head home for dinner. Vienna has an almost uncomfortable closeness with her dad. She is having a private chat with her dad, and tells him she loves Jake.
Vienna’s dad takes Jake out to the shed for a talk. He lets Jake know she is to be treated like a princess. I swear they were playing the music from Deliverance in the background. Maybe it was my imagination. Jake does not ask for his blessing in terms of asking for her hand in marriage.
They are making out in a bedroom when the dad barges in. He tells them to keep 12 inches between them. She tells him she needs a few more minutes, and he tells her he will be right outside, and leaves the door ajar.
Come on now Daddy. She’s been married, and posed naked for a calendar. She can be alone in a bedroom, for a minute, with the cameras rolling.
We are back in Los Angeles and the rose ceremony is coming up. There is a knock at Jake’s door and it’s Ali, the evil witch. She is crying and whining, and says that if she stays she will lose her job. Sound familiar Ed? I’m not buying this for one minute.
We now watch 15 of the most passive aggressive minutes in television history. She is trying to get him to tell her she will be the one, and he won’t do it. If it were me going to ask a man to beg me to stay, I would probably brush my hair and wear something cute. That’s just me.
She tells him she can’t decide what to do, and will let him know at the rose ceremony. She leaves in tears after lingering in the doorway, incase he starts pleading for her to not go. Instead he tells her that whatever she decides is ok with him.
She leaves and collapses in the hallway crying. Really? Did she forget her room key? It is so dramatic and fake. This chick is a loon and she is playing games. Your 15 minutes are up Ali. Bye Bye.
Chris Harrison is talking to Jake about Ali needing to leave. Jake admits that he is falling in love with more than one girl, and he does not want the pressure of telling her to stay, when he is not sure she is the one he wants to marry. The girls all come in, and Ali tells Chris she wants to talk to him. Cue the soap opera music!
Now Ali is sitting with Jake. She is wearing a dress that does not fit, and shoes she cannot walk in. She looks miserable and her whining voice is annoying. She is crying, wiping snot all over and hands, and then putting her hands all over Jake. She is once again playing games in terms of getting Jake to beg her to stay.
Jake tells her that he does not want her to go. She talks a lot about the other three girls, but never talks about her job. Never says it’s her dream job, that she is up for a promotion, or that she even loves the job. She does say that she loves him though.
She wants a guarantee. She is imploding as we watch. Derailing herself, and it’s fantastic. My dreams have come true. Ding, Dong the witch is dead! Ali has decided to leave and go back to her job. He tells her she was not on the line tonight, but she sticks with her plan, and decides to go. Blah. Blah. Blah. Get out!
She is crying as she gets in the limo, and says she thinks maybe she made a mistake. She cannot believe what she has done. Jake is fake crying and trying really hard to force a tear that simply won’t come. He finally gives up, and wipes his eyes as if he were really crying. It is so entertaining I can hardly stand it.
For the first time in Bachelor history, there is no rose ceremony! Gia, Tenley and Vienna are the final three. When Chris tells them Ali has left, they all smile. No looks of shock or sadness. Just a smile that translates into big sighs of relief. Jake caught a break when Ali left on her own. One less chick to dump.
Next week we go to St. Lucia for three dates, and three fantasy suite opportunities. As we are getting a sneak peak, they show Jake in his room answering the phone, and it’s Ali. Sheeeeee’s Baaaaaaack!
If he lets her come back I’m going to be pissed. You get one shot sister, and you blew it. Get lost. We have the St. Lucia trip, the Women Tell All Special, and then the finale. Hard to believe there are only three weeks left.
If Ali is still in the running I’m going to boycott. Do you hear me Mike Fleiss? I’m not kidding. I will boycott your show and not watch it. I’m serious. It’s Ali or me.
Important to note that by not watching it, of course I mean that I will not stop watching it, but rather will watch it with a bad attitude. I’m all business Mike.
This show never gets old, and I cannot wait to see what happens. I am delighted to say that I have been invited to the taping of the Women Tell All Special next week. I predict the final two will be Vienna and Tenley.
I watch this show season after season hoping for another Trista and Ryan. March 8th will be the wedding of Jason and Molly. They took an unconventional route, but found their fairytale.
Maybe Jake will be the next one to find love. All it will take from this point on, is not getting sucked into the darkness by Ali, great editing, and the ability to keep the faith.
February 8, 2010 | 1:15 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I wrote a blog last week about a book written by Ms. Gottlieb. She says women should be settling for Mr. Good Enough, instead of holding out for Mr. Right. I got a lot of emails telling me I misunderstood the message, and needed to read the book to be able to properly speak about it. Well my darlings, I read large sections of the book this weekend and I want to say, clearly and with complete conviction: this book is ridiculous.
First of all, I want to point out that if you order the book on Amazon.com, the first review is by a gentleman named Evan. Important to note that he is Ms. Gottlieb’s dating coach and has a vested interest in sales of the book. He also wrote me at The Jewish Journal, to tell me I was unfairly judging a great book. I think for him to write anything about this book, without saying who he is upfront, is unethical.
This book makes no sense to me. I think it gives mixed messages and encourages women to settle for something less than what we have always thought we wanted. Why do we need to settle? I am 43, single and searching. The only thing I will not budge on, in terms of finding a partner, is religion. I want to marry a Jew, and other than that, I am open. I have written several times that I am smart enough to know that the man of my dreams may come in a package that I am not expecting.
As for women holding out for a certain height, weight, or eye color, that implies that we would not give a man a chance because his eyes were brown, not blue. That is offensive to me. Ms. Gottlieb’s book is written with the assumption that women are stupid. This is a woman who dumped a man because his name was Sheldon. Why would we listen to dating advice from someone so shallow?
Evan wrote me on my blog to tell me that Ms. Gottlieb never told anyone to settle, and that the publisher made her use the word “settling”. In the Huffington Post, Ms. Gottlieb herself writes: ” I suggest settling specifically for women in their thirties who don’t want to be alone for the rest of their lives.”
Perhaps Evan contributed to the book, but never actually read it himself. He spends a lot of time defending a book that makes no sense. No matter how you try to explain the book, the bottom line is that Ms. Gottlieb tells us that women, who are not willing to settle, will be alone. She is alone and in her 40’s, so how great of a dating coach in Evan?
You are alone Ms. Gottlieb. If your book has truth to it, why have you not settled for Mr. Good Enough, and having a healthy relationship right now? Dating is hard. The older you get, the harder it becomes in some areas, yet easier in others. You seem to be buying into your own rhetoric, and there has been so much press and success around the book, that even if you were willing to admit that some of it was silly, there is nothing you can do now to take it back.
Bella DePaulo wrote a book called “Singles Out”. (I have not read this book.) She wrote an email to Ms. Gottlieb questioning the validity of her article in The Atlantic, and Ms. Gottlieb responded with an article in the Huffington Post. She writes to Ms. DePaulo: “If your definition of a fulfilling life is one that consists of three cats and physical contact only with uncommitted partners or the masseuse at Burke Williams, then put down the Atlantic and go stock up on kitty litter.” Ouch.
Ms. Gottlieb sounds a little angry and bitter. She is not married, has no real prospect to get married any time soon, and she has decided that because she is miserable, every other woman who wants to get married and is not, must be miserable too. At the core of her book, she is giving the message that it’s better to get married to anyone, than to not get married at all.
There are some things in the book that have value, but they are hidden under all the silly things. I invite Ms. Gottlieb to be interviewed for my blog. Let’s have lunch Lori. If I am wrong, and have judged your book unfairly, I will be the first to admit it, and I will write on my blog saying so. Perhaps we can learn something from each other.
In my humble opinion, I think perhaps the key to you finding love, and getting married, is to stop settling, and focus your energy on keeping the faith.
February 7, 2010 | 12:06 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Even if you don’t like football, today is a great day. The Super Bowl is a game that is worth watching. It is a day that is full of the American dream and people around the world watch, and live a little piece of the dream along with us. You become invested even if you don’t follow the regular season.
I love the video packages they do on the players, showing their personal journey to the Super Bowl. I am not ashamed to say that those videos make me cry. When they talk about how they struggled to get there, I feel for them and want to see them win.
By the time I’ve seen a few of the video packages, I’m torn over who I want to win because I see how important it is to all of them, regardless of the team they are on. This is not just a game for the men who play. It is a lifetime of chasing the holy grail. I am not a hardcore football fan, but I have decided I am supporting the New Orleans Saints.
The one bad thing about New Orleans winning the Super Bowl, is that we will have to listen to the Kardashian family talk about it like they were somehow responsible for the win. They will figure out a way to make it about them. It’s almost enough to make me go with the Colts.
I have the romanticized view that if the Saints can win the Super Bowl, New Orleans can overcome anything. This is a city that has earned the right to take center stage for an event that is full of joy not pain. The Saints carry the weight of their city, and each of the residents, on their shoulders as they enter the stadium, and I hope they win.
I love it that Peyton Manning is the Quarterback for the Colts, but is from New Orleans. I love it that Archie Manning, his dad, was the Quarterback for the Saints back in the day. I love it that even though the Saints have never won the Super Bowl, the city has never abandoned their team.
There must be a little piece of Peyton that is torn today. He is a Colt and his job is to help them win the championship. He has worked hard and deserves to be there with his team. His heart however, belongs to the city of New Orleans, and a part of him must want them to be victorious.
If the Saints win, it will be a story that we will all remember. Men will tell their sons about the year the Saints finally won the Super Bowl. It will be a story of redemption and faith, hope and promise. They will win for a city that has stood by them for years, with no glory.
If I were brave, I would gather up my single girlfriends, go to a sports bar, and watch the game surrounded by men in their team jerseys and have a field day looking at all the eye candy. In the end, I’m not that brave and will watch at home.
It is a great day for football and for the country. It sounds so grand and over the top, but it’s true. The world’s eyes are on upon our nation today as they all watch a battle which will determine the ultimate champions. It is exciting and inspiring.
Enjoy the game, the commercials and the food. To the Indianapolis Colts I wish you the best and congratulate you on making it to the end. To the city of New Orleans and their beloved Saints, I hope you win. It is your time. Be strong, stay focused to very last second and keep the faith.