October 12, 2009 | 12:40 pm

Sick and Single

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I once wrote that the hardest thing about being a single parent was that I had a ton of pictures of my kid growing up but not many of us together.  That has always been a sad thing for me.  Today however I have found another thing that is really hard about being a single parent.  My new struggle is being sick and single.

I woke up this morning not feeling well.  By woke up this morning of course I mean that I never actually woke up because I did not sleep.  I feel the beginnings of a cold coming on.  I feel tired and achey but I am hopeful that I can nip it in the bud.  That said it is going to be a slow moving day.

I got out of bed, made my son his lunch, packed him up for school and got him there with a minute to spare before the bell rang.  When I got back I sat in the car for 5 minutes mustering up the energy to walk up the three flights of stairs to my apartment.  If I didn’t have so much work to do I would have sat in the car all day until I needed to pick him up this afternoon.

So now I’m home, in bed, writing my blog and would love a cup of tea.  The thought of actually getting up to make it seems like a lot of work and I’m not sure it’s worth the effort.  I poked around the Internet to check if my symptoms were the swine flu and it turns out I have what is simply the beginning stages of a cold.

Maybe I should start a service where you can hire someone to come and take care of you when you are sick and single.  I could employ a stable of gorgeous supermodel men and playmate worthy girls and you can rent them for a day.  They can make you tea, pick up your used tissues from the floor, tell you that you’ll be fine, run a hot bath and prepare soup.

This could be my million-dollar idea.  It would almost be worth waking up under the weather if it meant that a George Clooney type would come take care of me.  At this point I want a cup of tea so badly that I would take a George Wentz type if he would make it for me.

I hope I feel better soon and by soon I mean now.  I’m going to post my blog and drag myself up to make a cup of tea.  I will spend the day preparing a business plan and by preparing a business plan of course I mean lay in bed, take lots of vitamins and hope I’m back to my old self in time to get my son from school.  Wishful thinking I suppose but totally possible if I keep the faith.

October 11, 2009 | 1:51 pm

Toronto Maple Leafs

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love hockey.  I think it is the greatest sport in the world to watch and those who play are superior athletes.  It’s fast and exciting and if you’re really lucky there is a great fight.  Like we say in Canada, if there isn’t any blood its just figure skating.

This has nothing to do with being single I just wanted to make it clear to my friend Adam that the Toronto Maple Leafs are going to win the Stanley Cup again in my lifetime and by win it of course I mean a few times.  If Chicago can break their World Series curse then we’ve got it in the bag.  It will happen Adam and when it does I hope we win against Pittsburgh. xoxo

Now, on to the joys of being single and by joys of course I mean there is no joy in dating and by dating of course I mean spending time getting totally cute only to be stuck with someone who is as entertaining as a root canal.

My friend Elissa wanted to talk about the angst of pursuing the unattainable and posed the question why do women want what we can’t have in terms of men?  What I have learned my darling friend, and by learned I mean the hard way, is that if we want someone we can’t have they are probably not what we really want. 

I have faith that when I meet the man I am supposed to be with it will make sense and it will not be about wanting something I can’t have but more about getting something that I deserve.

Perhaps we choose men that are unattainable because we are really not ready for love and know inside it will not work so we are protecting ourselves.  I’ve done it myself more times that I care to remember.  If you like someone and those feelings cause you angst then he is simply not the right man.

As for being too shy to pursue someone, you have got to let that go.  I am a firm believer that it is okay for a woman to make the first move.  We are responsible for our own happiness and if you see someone you like then let them know.  With risk can come great reward.

There are no rules in the game of love.  You owe it to yourself to pursue all opportunities for happiness.  Be brave and bold and go for what you want.  There will always be rejection and perhaps embarrassment along the way but the best part is that when it’s the right one it will be glorious and you will be so glad you were confident.

I’m not a dating expert or a therapist but I am a woman who has been dating for a long time.  A pathetic admission but whatever.  I’ve had my share of love and heartache and each failed relationship gets me closer to my Beshert.  Perhaps it’s a little naïve and romantic but in the end all I have are my dreams. 

I will find him and if having these romanticized views of love gives me the strength to keep dating and searching then it’s all good.  Sometimes you’ve got to believe in the dream in order to keep the faith.

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October 10, 2009 | 12:46 pm

Facebook

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love Facebook.  I love that I can check up on my son and his friends, I am a master farmer, my family can see pictures and stay connected, old friends have found me and reconnected.  I really do love Facebook and by love it of course I mean I am obsessed with it.  I posted on my page last night that I had nothing to blog about and my friends came to the rescue with some interesting topics.

Michelle:  I agree that dating during the holidays is a nightmare!  Between the Jewish and secular holidays it feels like there is no time between September and December to have a date.  Then there is the pressure of actually having a date for the holidays.  My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving which is the time I crave family and love the most.  So yes Michelle, holidays are tough and as we approach this festive time of the year I want to thank you for the reminder that I am dateless.  Kiss your sweetie and snuggle up in your beautiful home and bask in the glory of your love.  I’m not saying I’m envious of your bliss, I’m sincerely happy for you and by happy of course I mean thankful that I look great in green.

Laurel:  Interesting theory that if I open myself up to a lesbian relationship I will double my chances.  The good news is that I’m sure my mother can now tell me all the things I need to know about being a lesbian and the bad news is that Michelle gave me the statistics on available women and it would appear that it may not be that viable of an option.  Thanks for trying Laurel and to Michelle, you are quickly becoming a joy sucker.  If you were tall, blond and gorgeous I could hardly stand to be your friend.  Wait a minute, you’re both tall, blonde and gorgeous.  Whatever.

Elissa:  Your ideas were great and I am dedicating my blog tomorrow to your suggestions.  We always want what seems impossible to have and when we finally get it we often see that we really didn’t want it or even worse, we want it badly then lose it.  As for men being available or not, remember my dating hell known as “Richard”? If I start writing now for tomorrow I will have 24 hours to find a way to properly express myself without sounding bitter.  LOL, yeah right. 

Danielle:  I have a couple of go to men that I consult for the male perspective but they are useless more often than not.  I seriously need to get a new straight, single and searching for love male friend in my life to help me navigate the waters and by navigate the waters of course I mean marry me.

Faigy:  Your suggestions were poignant and lovely.  It is the end of Sukkot and I loved the analogy of reaping what we sow and the temporary nature of a Sukkah and how it can all be directly linked to the search for love.  It occurred to me when reading your post that if I am going to write about keeping the faith I need to focus more on using my faith to help me understand what it is that I am searching for.

I have wonderful friends and thanks to Facebook I am able to reach out and get some great things to blog about.  You can join my blog on Facebook at Keeping The Faith Singles Blog fan page.  I wish you all a Chag Sameach.  May we all have peace, love and unending faith.

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October 9, 2009 | 1:14 pm

Week in Review

Posted by Ilana Angel

1) I had a nice evening with my recycled date.  He is a gentleman and a Republican.  Who knew you could be both at the same time?  I want to give a shout out to Bryan and Luke the “wine guys” at Whole Foods, Coldwater Canyon and Riverside.  If you ever need help selecting a wine, these guys rock and know their stuff.

2) I think it’s amazing that Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize.  Maybe next year they can give it to Ellen Degeneres for bringing peace to American idol.  I wonder if Obama will take family members of some of the kids who have died in Afganistan while he’s been in office with him to Oslo.  I love this man but come on.  Are they kidding? 

3) Thank goodness I have finally regained my eyesight after the troubling week of Dancing With The Stars.  I am thankful that Debi Mazar went home and my cat seems to have recovered from the voodoo curse that she placed on her.  I cannot wait for next week and I hope Aaron Carter is the one to go and starts crying when they tell him.  That will be brilliant television.

4) Mike Fleiss?  Hello?  Papa can you hear me?  Is this thing turned on?  This is my official last shout out to Mike Fleiss.  I’m certainly not going to beg Mike. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE call me.  I shall leave him in peace and move on with my life.  I can’t help but be a little disappointed but I’m 43 and single so I will adjust.

5) My mother is safe and sound in Canada.  Here is a little part of a conversation we had:  “Hi Mom”.  “Hi Sweetie. I love you and want to come back already”.  “You are always welcome and can come whenever you want”.  “Thank you my Sweetie. Did you know that you can buy movies of lezbies that show what they do?“  Seriously, I love this woman. The chances of my getting my mother lesbian porn are as slim as Obama ever winning a Nobel Prize for Peace.  Wait a minute…….

6) This weekend my son has a football game and I am really looking forward to it.  He has also been invited to a special service and brunch at the Temple where had his Bar Mitzvah as someone who read Torah this year and I am so proud of him. 

This was an interesting week for me.  There was stress with work, a disappointing discovery about a friend, a visit to my past that was unexpected and a look into my future that was surprising.  My son has been with his dad for two days and I can’t wait for him to come home.  Shabbat dinner with my boy will put it all into perspective and allow me to embrace both the good and bad. 

I am tired.  I look forward to Shabbat so I can start a fresh week on Saturday evening.  I am blessed and my life is truly wonderful, but man oh man, this has been a week where it was a struggle for me to keep the faith.

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October 8, 2009 | 1:32 pm

Sexual Relations

Posted by Ilana Angel

I went out for dinner and drinks with a couple of my girlfriends last night.  We had a lovely time at our neighborhood dive bar where they have the best garlic bread and make a fabulous Cosmopolitan which has been my favorite drink for as long as I can remember. 

Drinks and dinner somehow just taste better when you are with your girlfriends.  We talked about kids, work, life and men.  It’s good to hear other women’s take on what is going on in your life, talking about what we all want and how we balance what we have.

There are certain elements of a relationship that I really miss.  Little seemingly silly things, but I value them.  Holding hands, having a song, secret signals to tell your partner it’s time to leave a party.  None of them are of significant importance, but I like these things.

The ladies and I talked about dating and relationships which inevitably leads to talk of sex.  Three women, six drinks, a spunky waitress and tables so close you can hear the people next to you breathing leads to an interesting discussion.

We talked about when was an appropriate time to have sex with someone new you are dating.  I hear a lot about the 6 date rule but I have friends who had sex on the first date and ended up marrying them.  You just never know what will work for you and every circumstance is different so there should be no rules.

There is a subtle distinction between a sexual relationship and a relationship that is sexual.  You must time sex properly or you risk going down the wrong path.  Sexual relationships are not hard to find but having a relationship that is sexual, takes commitment and work. 

I think for women we look for a relationship that is sexual while men want to start off with sex and work into a relationship.  It’s all very interesting considering I have my third date with recycled man this evening.  We are ordering dinner in, sharing some wine and getting to know each other better.

I’m looking forward to seeing him and happy to be hanging out at home.  There is a thin line between being a floozy and a good hostess so I will be careful.  In the end I know he will be a gentleman so as long as I’m a lady we won’t get into any trouble.

The theory that wisdom comes with age does not apply to dating.  I am fumbling through the process the same way now as I did in my 20’s and 30’s.  You never know what will happen so all I can do is stay true to myself and keep the faith.

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October 7, 2009 | 1:14 pm

Flipping Out

Posted by Ilana Angel

Is anyone watching Flipping Out on Bravo, Tuesday nights at 10 pm?  I have spent the morning trying to figure out how to write about this show and somehow tie it into my blog about being single and the only connection I could come up with is that Jeff Lewis is gay and I am in love with him which is my pattern and by pattern of course I mean I could be single because I love gay men.

I think Jeff Lewis is hilarious and I enjoy him.  I would like for the two of us to hang out and I think Jenny is divine and when she turns into Deb its television perfection.  It really is a well crafted sitcom that is disguised as a reality show and I could watch it all day.  It is cast perfectly and should get an Emmy for comedy writing.

It begs the question, am I so nervous about trusting a man and falling in love again that I hang out with gay men so my heart is somehow protected from getting broken?  Have I reached a point of such fear that I am purposely surrounding myself with men who are safe?  Could I be saying I put myself out there when really I am hiding? 

Nope.  Not me.  I am finally able to trust my ability to make good choices.  I am 43 and fabulous.  I have never looked or felt better.  I am comfortable with who I am as a human being and according to the text books and by text books of course I mean the ladies of The View, I am in my sexual prime.

So yes, I love Jeff Lewis.  That does not mean I am hiding from love but rather that I am capable of opening my heart.  Being single in your 40’s is really hard.  I am at a point in life where I can be free and uninhibited but at the same time I am a mother and balancing the two is more difficult than I ever imagined it would be.

I’m doing fine.  Life is great, my son is great, work is great and dating is, well,  it is what it is.  Keep the faith.

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October 6, 2009 | 12:31 pm

Dancing with the Stars

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love this show.  I watch it every week and think to myself that I need to start taking ballroom dancing lessons.  I’m trying to bribe my son into being my partner but still no luck.  It’s a beautiful thing to learn and a great form of exercise and I’m sure a great way to meet gorgeous men and by gorgeous men of course I mean men that I can set up with my other gorgeous male friends.

Dancing with the Stars airs on ABC on Monday nights at 8 for the competition show and Tuesday nights at 9 for the results show.  Watching it makes me happy.  It is time in front of the television that is easy.  The costumes are beautiful and I adore Tom Bergeron and how Jeff Probst keeps winning an Emmy over Tom is one of the great mysteries of the world.

So last night while watching the show two interesting things happened.  First, I set up another date with my recycled man.  He really is intriguing so we’ll see what happens there.  Thursday night people, cross your fingers.  The other thing is that while watching my beloved and peaceful Dancing with the Stars I actually yelled at the television and on more than one occasion wanted to pluck my own eyes out.

Let’s start with Samantha Harris.  How is it possible that this woman has a job on television?  I’m sure she is lovely but she is so annoying and not funny that I don’t care how nice she may or may not be.  I can barely stand to watch her and actually want to mute the television when she is on but I can’t bring myself to miss out on the train wreck that inevitably happens every time she opens her mouth.

Donny Osmond was weird last night and I’m thinking it probably had something to do with vicadin.  Debi Mazar and her Satan eyes put some kind of a spell on my cat who would not stop crying when she saw her as if she was getting some kind of a message through the screen.  Aaron Carter forced me to look away and put my head between my legs to stop the nausea.

Don’t even get me started on Paula Abdul who was in the audience.  I LOVE HER and she should be a judge on that show.  If American Idol can go to four judges then so should DWTS and they need Paula on there fast!  That would be one of the greatest casting moves in the history of television.

I’m not sure when Dancing with the Stars changed from a peaceful and wholesome night of television to my favorite reality show but it has happened.  It was subtle and quiet and now I’m hooked.  Not for the beauty of the dancing but for the sheer horror of watching people crash and burn on live television.

Facing addiction is hard.  Dating someone new and having to face the skeletons in your closet is a hard thing and I honestly don’t know how to approach my dating life with this issue.  They say that admission is the first step to recovery so here we go.  My name is Ilana and I am addicted to reality television. Whew!  That was hard but I feel so much better and if I practice it a few times I will be able to share my shame with recycled man on Thursday night.

DWTS results show tonight!  I am hoping that Kelly Osbourne stays as she is my favorite.  I’m going to work on my addition and hope that I can come to peace with my reality television demons.  All I can do it keep the remote close by, thank the heavens for the invention of TIVO and keep the faith.

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October 5, 2009 | 11:37 am

Random Stuff

Posted by Ilana Angel

1.  I had a really great time with my recycled date last night.  He is a charming and funny gentleman.  We went for drinks and had a lovely time getting reacquainted.  He is smart, grounded, grown up, articulate, formal and adorable.  I look forward to seeing him again and that is a great thing that I have not felt about anyone for a long time.  A nice date is in fact possible…who knew?

2.  My mother is home safe and sound and when she called I started to cry.  I really miss her and I woke up this morning and went into her room to check on her and it was sad that she was not there.  It begs the question do we have such a great relationship because she lives 3000 miles away?  I love her and crave time wtih her so if I saw her every day would it not be as good as is often the case with adult children and their parents? 

3.  I got some interesting feedback on my posting about my leaving the Booster Club at my son’s school.  One woman compared me to Sarah Palin and let me know I left the school hanging just as Palin did Alaska.  Really?  I am thrilled that so many people read my blog and I am open to the feedback both positive and negative.  That said, some people are just sad and clearly have too much time on their hands.

4.  I think I am almost at the point of giving up on Mike Fleiss.  By giving up of course I mean that I will never stop thinking that every time the phone rings it will be him.  I imagine that the filming of the new Bachelor is just around the corner and so he is busy.  I hope he knows that it’s not a Kathy Bates – James Caan in Misery type of love it’s more of Kevin Costner – Ray Liotta in Field of Dreams kind of love.  The thing is that love needs no explanation Mike Fleiss.  Call me.

5.  My son started playing football this weekend and he was amazing.  I really love this kid.  He did a great job as the quarterback and completed some great passes.  I look forward to spending Saturday mornings this fall watching him play.  That said, I have been divorced for 13 years and my ex-husband has been re-married for many of those and I will never get used to his wife prancing around events pretending she is the my kid’s mom.  This woman is so completely inappropriate that I am amazed each time I see her.  I introduced myself to a couple of parents at the game on Saturday and they were surprised that I was his mother and not her.  I suppose that’s normal when a step-parent is involved in your child’s life but in this case it’s just creepy. 

6.  My friend Jeremy, the one who thinks sex is more important than love, and I hung out this weekend and he is full of endless insight into how men think.  I wonder if it’s just him or if he really does think like most men do. We went for lunch yesterday and I broke a nail.  I told him I needed to go get a manicure before my date and he insisted that men don’t care and never notice stuff like that.  I then rubbed his head with both a long nail and a broken one and he liked the long nail better.  He said however that while the long nails felt better, it was only because it was presented as a comparison and if he never felt the long nail he never would have missed it.  I can’t decide if Jeremy is a golden ticket in to the mind of men and can help me understand them better or if I should immediately forget everything he tells me the moment he says them.  I might need to have a weekly “Guess what Jeremy said now” blog.

I hope you all have a good week.  It is FINALLY fall in Los Angeles and the cool weather is divine.  Be happy, love your kids, enjoy your work, drive safe and keep the faith.

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