December 3, 2009 | 4:43 pm

Jewish Porn

Posted by Ilana Angel

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There is an interesting, entertaining and disturbing article in Details Magazine, www.details.com, by Christopher Noxon titled “THE RISE OF THE HOT JEWISH GIRL”, that talks about how American men are lusting after Jewish women.  Who knew that J.I.L.F.’s were the new M.I.L.F.’s ?

In a poll, “Jewish girls” were ranked the second hottest “kink”, which is fascinating to me.  By fascinating, of course I mean that if it’s true, why is it so hard to meet anyone?  What is even more intriguing, is that the first place kink winner was “freckles” which I am covered with.  How is it possible that I cannot meet a decent guy when I am so desirable?

One could argue the poll is not a big deal since it was conducted by a porn blog, and are the men who are reading a porn blog the type of men I am hoping to meet?  Probably not.  In the article, Noxon says Jews represent 2.2% of the population. That makes me a hot commodity, which is good, but I am being sought after by men with a porn fetish, which is bad.

The article opened my eyes to a whole other side of being Jewish.  Did you know there are Jewish porn sites, and Jewish porn stars? I honestly did not.  Are you aware that according to the article, 13% of the members of JDate are “unaffiliated”.  I think if you’re not Jewish, you should not be on JDate.  There are a gazillion other sites to go on to meet people.

Someone should start a site for Jews with porn fetishes.  Specifically, a site for non-Jews, who like to date Jews with porn fetishes.  If we could somehow separate out the degenerates, and give them their own Jewish dating site, it would be a win win for everyone, and ultimately make it easier to meet what we are looking for.

Come to think of it, I get most of my emails on JDate from men who are not Jewish.  I will go so far as to say that if you are a convicted felon, and on JDate, then we have probably already gone out.  I tend to attract men with a past, and have honestly gone out with 5 men on JDate who have been convicted of non-violent crimes.  I must be a huge hit in prison.

Perhaps there should be a class that these Jewish loving porn people can teach to nice Jewish boys, to show them that Jewish women rock, and they should consider finding a wife within the tribe, instead of going the non-Jewish route.  I would be happy to help get a cross-country speaking tour set up, so if anyone moves ahead with that, call me.

I happen to know I won’t find my Beshert in the porn industry.  Call me crazy, but I think that one is a sure thing.  I suppose it is possible I could meet my soul mate ,and he could not be a Jew.  When you think about how many Jews there are, the odds are that he probably would not be. When you add that it’s mostly non-Jewish men who are attracted to Jewish women, then becomes a total long shot.

I invite the porn industry to rally around nice Jewish girls, and help them find their Jewish Beshert.  An online class, a lecture series, a book, whatever you think will do the trick.  Maybe JDate can have a chat room for Jewish men to be counseled by porn lovers, on the joys of a Jewish woman.

Mazel Tov to Mr. Noxon on a great article.  And if I may just clarify, hard-core porn star Joanna Angel, who is quoted in the article, is no relation.  I’m just saying.  Someday my Jewish prince will come and hopefully he won’t work in the porn industry.  While I’m waiting, I will keep the faith.

December 2, 2009 | 1:40 pm

Sex

Posted by Ilana Angel

It really is quite interesting how much sex is a part of our daily lives.  If we pay attention we see that it is something people talk about, think about or joke about, a lot.  In the last 36 hours these are the conversations I have had about sex:

1) My son and I talked about sex and while I won’t go into any details, it was a great talk.  He is a teenager and that he comes to me to talk about sex and ask questions makes me happy and proud.  Uncomfortable on occasion, but mostly happy and proud.

2) A friend of mine had sex with a guy she has been dating for a few weeks and she is tormented, as women are, about whether it was the right time, what would he think of her and what did it mean for their relationship.  Having sex with someone new for the first time is a big deal for women and for men it’s just another activity like watching the game or washing the car. 

3) I had my regular visit to the gynecologist and it was the standard rapid fire set of questions about my body and my sex life which ended with the Doctor giving me her “Don’t worry you’ll meet someone great soon” head tilted look, which by the way is more uncomfortable than the actual exam.

4) I have been on 2 dates with a man named “Jim” and we were talking on the phone trying to figure out when we would be able to go out again when he asked me when I was planning to have sex with him and if we could fast track it because he “really needed to get laid”.  Charming. 

5) I watched the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and though chicks aren’t my thing, I appreciate a woman’s body and these women were stunning and I found myself thinking about what it would be like to have a body like that for just a week and what I would do with it and with whom.

6) For the past 10 years I have had a friendship and flirtation with a man I met in Seattle on business.  He is charming, funny, handsome, Jewish, a fabulous dad and a genuinely good guy.  He is lovely and I’m thinking it might be time for a trip to Seattle for a grown up weekend with a grown up man who I like and respect.  Maybe the key to having a tryst is to do it with someone far away so there is no chance for a relationship so it can’t mess with your head because it’s just a great thing with a great guy. 

7) A girlfriend of mine who has been married for 20 years and is in a seemingly happy relationship told me that she has not had sex with her husband for almost a year and was thinking of surprising him with sex for his birthday.  I could make a joke on this one but the shock prevents me from even trying.  No sex for a year is not a successful marriage if you ask me.  I’m just saying.

For the next 24 hours keep sex in the front of your mind and I think you will be surprised by how prevalent it is in your daily exchanges.  At the end of the day it turns out sex is not something that we need to save for the end of the day.  Be safe, free, wild, intimate, aware and always keep the faith.

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December 1, 2009 | 4:21 pm

World AIDS Day

Posted by Ilana Angel

World AIDS Day is observed every year on December 1st. The World Health Organization established World AIDS Day in 1988. World AIDS Day provides governments, national AIDS programs, faith organizations, community organizations, and individuals with an opportunity to raise awareness and focus attention on the global AIDS epidemic.

Educate yourself.  Educate your children. 

Presidential Proclamation—World AIDS Day

A PROCLAMATION

Our Nation joins the world in celebrating the extraordinary advancements we have made in the battle against HIV and AIDS, and remembering those we have lost. Over the past three decades, brave men and women have fought devastating discrimination, stigma, doubt, and violence as they stood in the face of this deadly disease. Many of them would not be here today, but for the dedication of other persons living with HIV, their loved ones and families, community advocates, and members of the medical profession. On World AIDS Day, we rededicate ourselves to developing a national AIDS strategy that will establish the priorities necessary to combat this devastating epidemic at home, and to renewing our leadership role and commitments abroad.

Though we have been witness to incredible progress, our struggle against HIV/AIDS is far from over. With an infection occurring every nine-and-a-half minutes in America, there are more than one million individuals estimated to be living with the disease in our country. Of those currently infected, one in five does not know they have the condition, and the majority of new infections are spread by people who are unaware of their own status. HIV/AIDS does not discriminate as it infiltrates neighborhoods and communities. Americans of any gender, age, ethnicity, income, or sexual orientation can and are contracting the disease.

Globally, there are over 33 million people living with HIV. While millions have died from this disease, the death rate is slowly declining due, in part, to our Nation’s global effort through the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) program. However, HIV remains a leading cause of death worldwide. Women and children around the world are particularly vulnerable due to gender inequalities, gaps in access to services, and increases in sexual violence. While the statistics are distressing, new medications and scientific advancements give us reason for hope.

Tackling this disease will take an aggressive, steadfast approach. My Administration is developing a national HIV/AIDS strategy to bolster our response to the domestic epidemic, and a global health initiative that will build on PEPFAR’s success. We will develop a strategy to reduce HIV incidence, improve access to care, and help eliminate HIV-related health disparities. We have already ensured that visitors to our shores living with HIV are not marginalized and discriminated against because of their HIV status. We have also secured the continuation of critical HIV/AIDS care and treatment services. Today, we recommit ourselves to building on the accomplishments of the past decades that have dramatically changed the domestic and global HIV/AIDS landscape.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim December 1, 2009, as World AIDS Day. I urge the Governors of the States and the territories subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, and the American people to join in appropriate activities to remember those who have lost their lives to AIDS, and to provide support and comfort to those living with this disease.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.

BARACK OBAMA

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November 30, 2009 | 12:42 pm

Diamonds

Posted by Ilana Angel

Diamonds are my birthstone and I remember when I turned 13 and my dad gave them to me for the very first time. They were very tiny stud earrings that I instantly fell in love with.  I still have them and wore them at my wedding and at my son’s Bar Mitzvah.  They are as special to me today as they were 30 years ago.

Now I imagine that most women like diamonds but I could be wrong so for the sake of argument let’s assume that this is true and women love them and dream about getting them mostly in the form of a ring for their left hand.  It is a symbol of love and hope and Prince Charming with a happily ever after ending.

I am wondering if it is because I am a woman who wants a fairytale that I cry at every single commercial that is currently running for diamonds.  I seriously cannot watch one of these ads without crying and what is worse is that when I see that there is another one coming I cannot bring myself to change the channel.

The one with the ice skating, the one where the hearing guy learns how to sign to his hearing impaired girlfriend, the one where they are stuck at a red light in the snow, the one where the man is rubbing the belly of his pregnant wife, the one with the grandchildren surprising grandma, each and every one of them makes me cry.

I bet if you made 100 single women and 100 men in love watch these commercials and them took a survey, none of the men would say they were inspired to buy a diamond for the woman they loved but the women would say they were inspired to buy a bar of chocolate, bottle of wine, box of Kleenex and rent an assortment of chick flicks.

Between the holidays, the barrage of diamond commercials and the impending new season of The Bachelor, it’s enough to make a girl want to eat an entire pizza and then bake a cake in the shape of a diamond ring and eat that too and then deal with the guilt of eating everything by drinking an entire bottle of wine to drown the shame.

At this point in my life it would appear that the scenario that seems most possible for me getting my next diamond will be one from my grandchildren and when you consider that my kid is 13 that means I will get a diamond in about 20 years and by 20 years of course I mean I don’t need to bother covering my grey hair anymore and should head off to an animal shelter.

The holidays are a festive time filled with joy and at the same time it’s a rather sad time for people who are alone.  I don’t mean people without a spouse or partner alone, but without anyone alone.  I am blessed to have a wonderful family, friends and child so while I am alone I am not lonely and that is a blessing.

It is officially the beginning of the holiday season and if you recall my goal when I started to write my blog was to be in a relationship by the end of the year and have a date for New Year’s Eve so I’ve now got 31 days left to seal the deal.  It could still happen and by could of course I mean I hope it does.

I am looking for a date not a diamond so there is still plenty of time.  I need to stay positive, embrace JDate, stay away from animal shelters, invest in some L’Oreal, stay away from cake and change the channel when a commercial for diamonds come on.  All it will require is some luck, some patience and my keeping the faith.

*****Check out my new television blog at www.thewrap.com starting today.

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November 27, 2009 | 1:11 pm

Black Friday

Posted by Ilana Angel

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my son.  We drove to be with our friend Laurel and her family in Carlsbad and with horrible traffic it took a whopping 3 hours to get there but we had a ton of food and laughs and left well rested only to have the drive back take 2 ½ hours.

When we got home we plopped down on the couch to watch a little television and before we knew it we were attacked by commercials for Black Friday and there was nothing for us to do but jump in the car and head out to the Camarillo outlets and do some shopping. 

We left home at midnight, got there at 12:35, found parking at 1:15 and just arrived home at 8 AM.  It was a long night but what a great time we had.  We shopped, hung out, talked and laughed and it was truly a night we will both remember.  I cherish our adventures because he is growing up fast and soon his adventures will include me less and less.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoy the long weekend.  Safe travels to everyone who is heading out or coming back.  It is officially the beginning of the holiday season and I hope it is safe, happy and peaceful for us all. 

I will be back with a fresh blog on Monday and will tell you all about my date from Saturday night.  This one could be interesting and by interesting of course I mean I am going to keep the faith.

Shabbat Shalom

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November 26, 2009 | 3:43 pm

Happy Thanksgiving

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am thankful for my son.  He is a remarkable and fabulous young man and I am truly blessed to be his mother and friend. I remember my entire pregnancy, when he was a baby, when he told me loved me for the first time, when he started school and when he became taller than me yet I can’t remember a lot of things from before he was born. 

My life started in a new way when he came into it and I am so thankful.  Last night we went to see KISS in concert.  As they started to play Detroit Rock City my son took my hand and told me that he loved me and that he was glad I came with him.  He then continued to hold my hand through most of the song.  It is a memory I will treasure forever.

I am thankful for my family.  We are all a little crazy but wonderful people and I love them with all my heart.  I am thankful for my mother who has taught me so much and every time my son tells me he loves me I am reminded to pick up the phone and tell my mom I love her.

With my family far away the holidays are hard because I wish I could give my son the experience of a big family but it’s just us so we will go to friends and in the end they’re like family and one could argue more special because we choose them.  I look forward to meeting my Beshert and having my family grow.

I am thankful for my blog at the Jewish Journal.  It is my pleasure to write and share my journey and it is a wonderful thing that I can talk about my life and my search for love and also be able to share my opinions because where else could I say I hope to find love and that Donny Osmond is a homophobic pig who should be ashamed of himself?  The Jewish Journal baby!

I am thankful for JDate.  Yes you heard it correctly my darlings I am thankful for JDate.  I am meeting some nice men and putting myself out there and learning about myself and what I want at this stage of my life and I am also getting a front row seat with a perfect view of what it is that I don’t want so they are stuck with me because I’m in it and I believe.

Take a moment out of your day to say thanks for all the service men and women who are protecting us while we get to be with the ones we love and pray that they all get to come home safe and sound.  Say thanks to the members of the IDF and their families as they fight to protect Israel.  These are brave and heroic people who deserve out gratitude and praise.

I hope you all have a very happy, healthy and peaceful Thanksgiving full of family, football and shopping.  If you see a soldier say thank you,  If you see someone on the street asking for help, then help them.  We are blessed and it is only when we share our blessings that we are able to receive blessings.  Be safe and keep the faith.

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November 25, 2009 | 1:36 pm

Donny Osmond? Whatever!

Posted by Ilana Angel

My son is going to the KISS concert tonight at the Staples Center and in a feeble attempt to be the coolest mom ever I am going with him.  We will be a group of 4 kids and 4 moms and I will be the crazy old lady in full KISS makeup who appears to have no sense of rhythm as I will be listening to Celine Dion on my iPod while I drown out the sound of KISS.  The things we do for our kids and for our kids of course I mean for ourselves as we try to be cool and stay young.

For my loyal followers you know that I love television and write about it quite often.  Well my darlings I am going to branch out and will be blogging all about television at www.thewrap.com starting this week.  It will be my no holds barred opinion about the shows that I love and hate and while I am not one to be completely open with my opinions I will try really hard to be honest.  Keeping the Faith will continue as it is my blogging baby and I’m not giving it up until there is a ring on my finger and by ring on my finger of course I mean that I would be happy to have a date that does not make me want to pull all my hair out and chew on glass.

Do you think that there is any possibility that JDate is black listing me?  Perhaps I have made one too many hell train references and so they are secretly sabotaging my search for love.  I hate to sound paranoid but I wrote to 3 men on the train and not one wrote back, not even an acknowledgement that I wrote so I wonder if they even got the email.  I have listed my preferences in terms of who I am looking for but the people who write are either in their 20’s or 60’s so I can’t help but wonder.  JDate, why so angry?  It would behoove you to have me find love because then I will get off the hell train and onto the love train.  I’m just saying.

I am disgusted that Donny Osmond won Dancing With The Stars and while I know it is supposed to be about dancing let’s get real people, this was about the popular vote and it would appear that the popular vote in America is made up of a bunch of homophobes.  His opinion about homosexuality is crazy and stupid and therefore, in my humble opinion, Donny Osmond is crazy and stupid.  When he started to sing Puppy Love for a split second I forgot he was a moron but then it all came back to me.  I wanted very much for Kelly Osbourne to win and am disappointed that a bunch of loons in middle America took it away from her because they are insane.

Steve Mcpherson has not called me and it is crushing because I thought for sure the blog from yesterday would seal the deal.  My darling Mr. McPherson, you need me and I will continue to remind you that you need me until you call me and by call me I mean hire and by hire me all I really mean is meet with me.  I’m very good at selling myself and not in a prostitution kind of way although one could argue that working in the entertainment industry requires you to sell yourself and so as long as I am selling myself and not my soul then I guess that’s good.  Call me before I kick into full on stalking mode and pull out the Extreme Home Makeover single mom card.

I am going to do my KISS research now so I can properly paint the face of my child so that Gene Simmons himself will be impressed.  I am dreading 2 hours of pounding rock and roll but I will spend the day with joy in my heart that I am able to share this experience with my son and the knowledge that Steve is going to call me today.  It will happen because this is a week of giving thanks in addition to keeping the faith.

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November 24, 2009 | 11:27 am

ABC on ABC

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night started out with a 21 year old writing me on JDate to ask if I wanted to date his dad who it turns out is only 40.  As I came to terms with this new phase of my dating life I was thankful for the ABC Television Network and by thankful of course I mean it’s time.  Time for Steve McPherson and I to have a meeting.

I have conducted endless hours of in depth market research in my state of the art research facility with the help of my two assistants, Pinot and Merlot, and after digging around the abc.com website we have concluded that what they really need is a blogger and I am the one person who is uniquely qualified for that position.

I laughed, cried, cheered and booed while watching Dancing With the Stars, Find My Family and Castle and realized that I really do love television and some of the best television is on ABC and maybe people don’t know it’s there or don’t understand how really great it is and what they need is a guide to walk them through.

How great would it be if you could go to abc.com every day and read a funny recap, what’s coming up, why to watch and what you are missing if you don’t? There could be a video diary with interviews and behind the scenes chats with the stars of the shows.  It would be both a dictionary and a cheering section for ABC.

The most important thing to note about my new job at ABC is that I would have to talk to attorneys, assistants, agents, publicists, managers and celebrities and the chances of my meeting a nice Jewish man through those channels may be the way to go so ultimately, the job is not only about helping the viewers of ABC but it’s about me and my search for love.

Now I don’t want to make a big deal out of it by asking my loyal followers to boycott ABC until they create this job for me because that would just set an ugly tone for my negotiations and by ugly tone of course I mean when I asked my people if they would boycott on my behalf they refused to miss an episode of V or the outcome of Dancing With The Stars.

To Mr. McPherson I say that at the very least we should have a meeting and you should hear my ideas because they are really good and I want to be a part of ABC.com and it would be great for both of us and if you don’t call me I will be forced to write about you every day until you call and that will just be uncomfortable.

Additionally, if I don’t hear from you by let’s say the end of next week, I will not only write about how you are ignoring me but I will pull the single mother, raising her son on her own, struggling to make ends meet while teaching her child about faith card and it will be a complete Extreme Home Makeover moment which we both know will be brutal.

Help me to help you Steve McPherson and by helping you of course I mean help me Steve McPherson.  It’s not just about my working for you and doing a job that I would love and be proud of, but it’s about finding me a nice Jewish husband and that is a mitzvah so do it for that reason in addition to the fact that I will make ABC.com a must visit site.

At the end of the day it’s out of my hands and all I can do is pray that this blog will get to you.  Pray and beg.  Pray, beg and dangle my son’s Mickey Mouse off my balcony until you call me.  To my followers I understand you not wanting to boycott and thank you for voting for Kelly.  I hope she wins tonight and either way you can be sure I’ll be talking about it tomorrow.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and if you have any contacts to the fabulous Steve McPherson make sure you tell him that he should hire me to blog.  It’s time that Angel’s Blogging Central was a part of abc.com.  That’s right people ABC on ABC is going to happen.  It’s just a matter of time and all I need to do is keep the faith.

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