Posted by Ilana Angel
I have not posted a blog since last Sunday and I must say that I have really missed it. Take a brutally busy week with work and my son and throw in a few bad dates and I just needed to step away from it all for a minute or two.
My blog is about being over 40 and starting on the road to love again and I get a lot of comments about the limitations that I place on myself by dating only men who are Jewish and I’m not sure why I’m even writing this because whenever I talk about my faith and desire to marry within it I get hate mail.
I don’t plan on having any more children and by plan of course I mean my fingers are crossed but I have a teenage son and before I know it he will be getting married and I want him to continue our faith and have Jewish children so it would be hypocritical for me to marry outside our faith.
Let’s talk about my dating this week and please note that I know that there are flakey, rude, unfocused and lying men in all faiths but for some naïve reason I feel I will get a better quality of man if I’m with a Jew but in the end a man is a man regardless of faith and even though these men are all Jewish I imagine it would be the same even if they weren’t.
Pinocchio, who told me he was divorced when really he was separated and said he was sober for 20 years when really he smokes pot called to tell me that his divorce was final and he wanted to go out to celebrate and by celebrate I’m sure he meant smoke a joint. When I told him that I was happy for him but did not think our going out to celebrate was a good idea he told me I was a liar because I said I would not date him unless he was divorced and implied that he somehow got the papers in order so that we could go out.
I explained that it was not just the divorce that was stopping our going out so he assured me that you can be sober and smoke pot. Now I’m not sober nor do I have any issues with addiction but I have seen every episode of Intervention and am certain that if you smoke pot you are no longer sober. He then wished me a good life and hung up on me.
I then got a call from the Israeli. I could not contain my surprise and he could sense it and asked me if everything was okay so I told him I was surprised to hear from him since we’ve had 1 date and 4 conversations in 3 months and his response was “I move slow. What’s the rush?”
Is that not classic he’s just not that into you? I think one date in 3 months is beyond moving slow. He asked me out for Saturday night and while I think he is lovely I’m just not feeling it because If there was something there he would have called and now I worry I’m over-thinking it.
I got 4 emails this week on JDate from men in their 20’s and I don’t get that at all and it’s never going to happen but bless them for writing. I got 2 emails from men over 60 and again lovely to be contacted but it’s never going to happen because I just cannot see myself with someone much younger or older.
I forced myself to spend time on JDate and found a man that I thought was super attractive and had a great profile with lots in common with me and I wrote him and what was weird is that he looked at my profile everyday for 4 days, sometimes up to 6 times, but never responded so I guess at the end of the day there is no rhyme or reason to dating because it’s a game that has a ton of rules yet no guidelines and you never know if you are playing right or fair and just when you think you’ve got the hang of it the rules change and you are disqualified.
I’m getting back on the horse this week and by horse of course I mean the JDate hell train because with risk comes reward and I am a firm believer that if I put in the effort I will be rewarded with love. It may just be a greater love of myself but love is love and it’s all about keeping the faith.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me.
5.9.13 at 4:10 pm | Love s certainly a game, but it does not need to. . .
5.7.13 at 7:41 pm | Some questions simply cannot be answered.
5.5.13 at 3:19 pm | The hardest lesson to learn is to be quiet and. . .
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me. (367)
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (362)
5.7.13 at 7:41 pm | Some questions simply cannot be answered. (279)
November 10, 2009 | 1:49 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Keep the faith that tomorrow I will be back to Keeping The Faith.
November 9, 2009 | 3:23 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I’m taking the day off.
See you tomorrow.
Have a great day and remember to keep the faith.
November 8, 2009 | 12:15 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am volunteering today at my first Holiday Boutique of the 2009 holiday season. Regularly scheduled blogging will resume tomorrow.
If you’re in LA and feel like shopping come on by.
8831 Venice Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90034
Have a great day everyone.
November 7, 2009 | 11:58 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Here is a recap of my interesting week.
1) I went on a date with a classic Pinocchio. This guy lied about everything and it was fascinating to watch because his nose was actually growing the entire time we had dinner and he was as amused by his lies as I was because every time he lied he got a look in his eyes that showed he was proud of himself for pulling the wool over my eyes. It really was entertaining and by entertaining of course I mean painful. If you are reading this Pinocchio know that I am not an idiot and you in fact are.
2) I had another date with someone that I had a lovely rapport with over email and on the phone. He made me laugh and I really enjoyed his personality. I wrote about how the pre-date portion of dating was the best because you could be hopeful and optimistic because you connected and it allows you to think he might be the one and until you meet him and realize you were wrong it’s as if love is within your grasp. In the end there was no connection but we had a lovely time and the pre-date was the best part.
3) I had a glorious week with my son. He is growing up so fast and is taller than me and stronger than me and so not afraid of me. I used to be able to tell him “I’m counting to 3” and he would jump to do what I said. Now I can sit on my couch and count to a million and he could care less. He is a teenager and spreading his wings and it’s wonderful to watch and by wonderful of course I mean scary. My days of counting to 3 are over and I’m sad to see them go.
4) I love my friend Andy and his divine boyfriend Patrick and I was disgusted by the voting in Maine this week on gay marriage. I honestly do not understand how anyone in the world would have their life altered by a loving gay couple getting married. It is a very strange thing and in the end all I can do is love and support my friends and feel sorry for those who just don’t get it.
5) I made peace with JDate this week and am going to try to change my view of the JDate Hell Train to the JDate Love Train. It’s going to be really hard but I’m open and willing and they want to help me find my Beshert so we’ll see what happens. After a week that included two JDate dates I’m not sure they can do it and but God Bless them for trying and God Bless me for believing.
My week ended last night at services where I was recognized by a reader. He came up to me and asked if I was the girl from the Jewish Journal and I must tell you that I love it when that happens. I truly get such a kick out of it and what made it even better was that he was totally cute. A handsome and charming man and he made my night. I’m not sure if he’s single or not but if he was, call me. Meeting a man in Temple? Who knew?
I learned this week that life is short and I need to let go of things that are out of my control. I learned that I have tremendous faith and it makes me strong. I learned that when people are angry and mad they say things they don’t really mean. I learned that some people never change. I learned that I cannot date a man who carries a purse or drives a Miata. I learned that in the end only God knows the complete truth and he is on my side. Life this week was full of twists and turns and I maneuvered myself through by keeping the faith.
November 6, 2009 | 2:01 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
If you read my blog yesterday you saw I made peace with the enemy and offered an olive branch to JDate. It took them about 5 seconds to get in touch with me and offer their friendship. I’m not surprised it happened so fast because the power of the blog is undeniable and it makes sense that we all get along. They have accepted my challenge to help me locate my Beshert out in cyberspace and by cyberspace of course I mean Brentwood so let the games begin.
My new BFF”s at JDate have assured me that the people they feature in their “Success Stories” section are in fact real people and not actors from lands far away pretending to be happy but with that said they did not send me any copies of marriage licenses and all I have is their word but if we are going to forge a friendship I can’t start calling them liars on our first day.
Not only are the people in the success stories real life JDaters but apparently so are all the people featured on their billboards and marketing materials. Really? If all those people are real JDaters then I think they need to do a search of people in Los Angeles and start using regular people not these uber pretty “real” people. I’d like to see an ad with the man who is 5’4”, weighs 300 pounds, describes himself as tall, dark and handsome and uses a profile picture that is 12 years old because he looks “exactly the same”.
There appears to be no real screening process for online dating sites and if your credit card is accepted then so are you. Next to the “Success Stories” section there should be a “The Brutal Truth” section where we can go and tell our stories about people who have lied about their height, age and marital status. It’s a shame that I’m so wary because there are good people dating online and a few rotten apples are trying to ruin the tree so it’s good that JDate and I are now friends because they can talk me off the ledge.
Do I sound bitter? I must tell you that I’m really not bitter so much as I’m frustrated and by frustrated of course I mean exhausted. I’ve been trying to meet my Beshert for a long time and have been honest and open when putting myself out there and yet it is not happening for me and I’m about done and by done I mean I am so ready to find love I am now in cahoots with JDate and the only thing more surprising than my being alone at 43 is that I am asking JDate for help.
Enough with the whining and complaining and let’s get down to business. I am here and waiting for some guidance. It’s all well and fine to write and say that you accept the challenge but talk is cheep my friends so let’s make it happen. It’s a new day and I am ready to go.
I believe in you JDate. I believe in myself and I have faith that you can help not only me but all of us who are keeping the faith.
November 5, 2009 | 1:32 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am so romantic that some could argue my views on love are unrealistic but if I am unrealistic it would imply that I somehow need to settle for something less than what I want and deserve and I don’t think anyone should ever settle and by settle I don’t mean compromise I just mean settle.
The simplest explanation of why I am not in a relationship is that I have been trying to force a square peg into a round hole which results in a broken heart and have now come out of that ready to share my life and I hope I am able to be open so when I find love I can recognize it.
I really put myself out there so if I were not trying I could not complain about not finding someone but I do try and can only assume that if I’m trying this hard and it’s not working I am doing something wrong and there has got to be an easier way.
Since I do a lot of dating through the Internet I recently got a book called “The Daternet” which was written by Courtney Lauren Kanner and Jeremy Stephen Howard and it looks at Internet dating from the perspectives of men and women which it turns out are opposite. Who knew?
It is a funny and brutally honest look at dating online and I found myself looking around when I read it because it was as if they had been watching me date. You can get it on Amazon and I highly recommend it for anyone who has ever been on an online date or plans to ever go on one.
It is my new online dating guide and I hope I can get through a date without pulling it out as a reference guide during dinner. This book showed me it is time for an intervention. I need help and when a nice Jewish woman wants to meet a nice Jewish man there is one place to go.
The time has come for me to accept the obvious. If I really want to meet my Beshert I need to befriend the enemy and for those of you who read my blog on a regular basis you know that the enemy is JDate. It’s time to suck it up and make peace.
Now while I do on occasion speak unkindly about JDate the fact of the matter is that I believe in JDate and actually recommend it to people and even though I complain about it I’m on it and paying for a membership so clearly I believe on some level there is hope and it can work.
I need to embrace JDate and therefore I ask the powers that be at JDate to help me. Step in and show me what I’m doing wrong and how I can increase my chances for love. I read your success stories and it’s working for a lot of people so there is no reason it could not work for me.
By working for other people of course I mean that I want proof. Who are these people? Has anyone ever met them? Are they actors from Russia that we would never run into on the street to ask them about their getting together? I’m going to need proof.
I’m in the business of keeping the faith and so is JDate so it would appear that we should be able to help each other. They can help me find love and I will write about my experiences and hopefully get a few people to come onboard the JDate Hell Train, I mean Love Train!
Let’s talk. This is a self-imposed intervention. I cannot promise JDate they will love everything that I write but I can promise that I will be honest and if there is an issue I will be clear that I hate the player not the game and JDate is the game and to be honest it’s the only game in town.
So here we are. Call me. Let’s make a plan and try a social experiment. I challenge you to help me find love. I will play the game, follow the rules and try it your way. I am going to put my dating life in the hands of JDate with the hope that they can help me keep the faith.
November 4, 2009 | 12:36 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I would like to take a break from my single girl ranting to talk about my disgust at the voters of Maine for rejecting gay marriage. I can remember a time when 2009 was supposed to be the future and all would be equal yet here we are living in the greatest country in the world and not all of our citizens are treated equally and it is beyond embarrassing.
As you all know I am searching for love and hope to get married one day and let me tell you something, when I look at the relationships of people in my life I covet the loving and successful partnerships of my gay friends and it is important to note their relationships are not successful because they are gay they are successful because they are loving and decent people.
For the last 13 years I have had a not so secret crush on Andy Nicastro. Andy is gorgeous, smart, funny, seriously addicted to reality television and my Beshert. I have wanted to marry Andy forever and by marry him of course I mean that he is completely unavailable and unavailable men are my thing and by unavailable of course I mean he is gay.
Andy and his better half Patrick have been together for 16 years and by better half of course I mean better half. I would actually marry either one of these men. They have a loving and caring bond that is beautiful and I just cannot understand why so many people think it is wrong. Here are two people who are putting in the work to have a successful relationship and they are rewarded by being singled out as lesser human beings.
I have two other friends Bill and Bill, I know it’s cute that they are both named Bill, who have been together for 11 years. They have a delicious little boy who is being raised by two loving and caring parents and he will grow up seeing what it is for two adults to love and support each other and his parents cannot get married because a bunch of people who live in the dark ages and have never met them said it was wrong.
These two men are both school teachers which means that they are heros and work really hard to help mold the future of this country for virtually no money and we can tell them that we appreciate their work as teachers but in the same breath tell them they are not worthy of the rights that the rest of us have.
What kind of message does that send to their little boy and to all of our children? There are kids being raised in horrible situations and learning that is ok and yet these men are not allowed to get married? I would rather have my son have the relationships of Andy and Patrick and Bill and Bill as a role model of what he should seek for himself over the dysfunctional marriages of many of my heterosexual friends.
This is the future people and to those with closed minds and dark black hearts it’s time you opened your eyes and realized that you are ruining it. Figure it out people and do it quickly and we will forgive you and by forgive you of course I mean when we kick your @$$ it will be quick but our patience is running out so get it together already.
To Bill, Bill, Leslie, Michelle, Scott, Paul, Patrick, Andy and all the fabulous gay people in my life I love you and will not get married until we can all get married and by not getting married of course I mean I won’t unless he’s a gorgeous Jewish doctor in which case I know you would all take one for the team and insist I marry him because you are all givers like that.
To my darling Andy, I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and one day I will dance at your wedding. It’s important for you to note that when they allow gay marriage it does not mean that you need to marry someone who is gay and so perhaps when I dance at your wedding it will also be my wedding and I will be wearing a white dress and Patrick can give me away as a show of peace that you and I are finally together. Oh a girl can dream and anything is possible if I keep the faith.