Posted by Ilana Angel
Well it happened. After feeling sorry for myself, crying, and drowning my sorrow in red wine and cosmos, I have rejoined the dating world. It was a surprisingly easy decision. People give the advice that after a break up you need to heal and give yourself time, but the truth is that you never heal from lost love. I was in love, the relationship ended, and life goes on.
When you drink too much and wake up with a hangover, they say you should have a drink to take the edge off. The same applies to love in my opinion. When a man breaks your heart, you need to find another man to heal it. The only thing that can fill a hole carved out by love, is love. So, I’m back in the game, and after a couple of days of online dating, I am drinking heavily.
I have joined JDate and Match.com and it has been painful. There are men dating online who are using the same picture they did 10 years ago. There are men who list The Notebook as their favorite movie, and men who insist they are bringing no baggage into their next relationship. In short, online dating has a lot of men, and a whole lot of lying. Shoot me now.
In searching through the countless men, I realized two important things. One: Beyond frogs, there might be actual toads in my future. Two: Love is grand and I can remember more good than bad, so love is possible. When you are dating, online or otherwise, the most important thing is to know that love is out there. If you believe it is possible, it will in fact be possible.
I feel sad to be starting over. I am 47 years old, have a son with one foot out the door, and I will spend my new dating life just one bad date way from another cat. The sadness is there, but the hope is greater. I have hope that I will find love and during the process not have a date so bad I want to get another cat, bite my nails, cut my hair, or damage my liver too badly.
I am going to stay positive, approach it all with a sense of humor, and pray that I avoid killers, convicted felons, and the toothless. I am also going to publicly state that I am open to fix ups. I know a lot of people, and those people know a lot of people, so someone has got to know a nice Jewish man to fix me up with. How hard can it be? Needle in a haystack hard!
So it begins. I am officially single and looking. I’m a little older, a little wiser, a little thinner, and a little bitter. At the end of the day I am also fabulous, funny, pretty, kind, giving, and sexy. I am going to find a man who sees it, appreciates it, wants it, and is made better because of it. Here we go people. I am taking you all along with me, so lets keep the faith.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me.
5.9.13 at 4:10 pm | Love s certainly a game, but it does not need to. . .
5.7.13 at 7:41 pm | Some questions simply cannot be answered.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (499)
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date. (366)
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch. (277)
April 11, 2013 | 4:09 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I saw an old friend this morning and it renewed my faith in both myself, and my hopes for the future. We have not spoken in a while and it made me sad. We had a difference of opinion on what friendship is, and it caused us to not speak. I had to search deep to find the strength to put aside my ego and reach out. A day turns into a week, and a week into a month, so before too much time had passed, I went over to talk.
We didn’t really speak of what our falling out was about, as much as what our friendship means and why it is slipping away. I did most of the talking, shocking, and simply expressed my hurt at our not speaking. It felt good to tell my friend that not only was I hurt, but I was not giving up. Adult friendships are really complicated and difficult to maintain. With work and kids, time and effort is required to stay connected.
I love this friend. We are very close, and have an unwavering support of the hopes and dreams of each other. Having someone in your corner cheering you on is invaluable and when that voice is missing, it is a deafening silence. In the weeks we have not spoken the voice that channels the words of support, even when it is just in my head, has been missed. It has altered how I approach each day and I needed to get it back.
Feelings are hurt, and that is not quickly forgotten, but it is forgiven, and life goes on. It may be awkward for a little while as we both hold our breath for a minute, but it will be fine. Friendship matters and when you find someone that you trust to hold onto your dreams when you are unable to, you must fight for that friendship. I may have swallowed my pride this time, but over the course of our friendship, it won’t always be me.
Friendship requires faith, forgiveness and hope. When I think of my future, this friend is with me. Sometimes behind me pushing, sometimes in front of me pulling, but always beside me, whispering in my ear that I am going to be okay. The same is true of my role. If you are missing a friend, call them. It does not matter how much time has passed, or if you even remember why you are not speaking, what matters is that you call.
To my friend, thank you. Thank you for listening, for accepting my apology, and for offering your own. Life is short and time has been wasted. We don’t know what form our friendship will take, or how long it will be awkward, but things needed to be said, and in the end there is love. I wish a friendship like this for everyone. It may be good, bad, and occasionally ugly, but it is authentic, important, and inspires me to keep the faith.
April 9, 2013 | 8:12 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am a romantic. A serious over the top, anything can happen, sweep me off my feet, knight in shining armor, bring flowers on a first date, knees buckle at the first kiss, beshert seeking, happily ever after, underdog wins, men make passes at girls who wear glasses, you don’t look fat in that dress, can I help with the laundry, cards for no reason, afternoon delight, die hard romantic. I like romance. I like it, love it, give it and want it.
I will admit that I’ve read a Harlequin Romance or two. I will admit that I believe in fairy tales. I will admit that a romantic comedy is my favorite movie. I will even admit that I go on every date with a part of myself hoping it will be my last first date ever. I believe in love. I’ve seen it, had it, lost it and want it again. I make no apologies for my view of love and what are dreams for, if not to believe in? We are all worthy of finding love.
In talking to a girlfriend, she gently suggested that perhaps I was too romantic. I’m not even sure what that means. Can you be too romantic? She thinks that my views on love and relationships are those of Hollywood moviemakers who create unrealistic expectations for women that will never happen in the real world. Have I been brainwashed by Hollywood? Is it wrong that I think Pretty Woman could be a true story?
If I have been brainwashed into waiting for a romantic life that does not even exist, could I have a viable lawsuit on my hands? Could I sue Hollywood for ruining my shot at love? Perhaps I should invest the time I currently use wallowing in self pity to prepare the greatest lawsuit that Hollywood has ever seen. If there are any lawyers out there who want to help me out, get in touch! If Hollywood is to blame for my broken heart, they must pay.
Oh my God! I could get an email from a gorgeous Jewish lawyer who wants to represent me. We could meet to go over the case, instantly fall in love with each other, win a multi-million dollar judgment, get married and live happily ever after on the island he buys me for a wedding gift in the castle that I built for him. Then Hollywood will actually make a movie about my life that shows there really is no such thing as being too romantic.
I will always believe in romance and that anything is possible. I will watch every romantic movie that Hollywood makes, knowing that even the smallest part of the story could be true and really happen. When a relationship ends, and you are finally able to take off your rose colored glasses, you can see yourself and your ex clearly. It is that clarity which allows us to move forward, strive for more, believe in love, and keep the faith.
April 7, 2013 | 7:28 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Today is my birthday. I am 47 years old. That is almost 50. At 46 I felt like I was still teetering towards the low end of the 40's but I am now officially well into my 40's and actually closer to 50. I don't care about birthdays that much, and truly have no fear about getting older.
I feel blessed to be a mother to my wonderful son. With each year I get older, so does he, and we get closer. He is a remarkable young man and I am proud of not only who he is, but of the job I have done in raising him. He is my greatest joy and greatest accomplishment.
I want this to be a year of growth. By growth of course I mean I want to grow emotionally and do not want the growth to extend to my ass. I am going to work on my emotional well being. I realized I have been taking care of everyone but myself, and I am overdue for attention.
I have a very clear goal of what I want from both my personal and professional lives this year, and I am going at attack both those dreams with guns blazing. It will take time, patience, and some therapy, but I am all in and I am going to get what I deserve because i am worthy.
To everyone who shares a birthday today, I wish for you all the things you wish for yourself. I hope you have a wonderful day, along with a year of health and happiness. Be brave, be kind to yourselves, and remember that you are worthy of all good things, so keep the faith.
April 5, 2013 | 4:22 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I like breasts. I like my own, and can admire others. I think they are remarkable from the perspective of using them to bond with my newborn baby, and remarkable from the perspective of incorporating them into my sex life. Boobs are important and should not be taken for granted, which is why I am constantly fascinated when women don’t respect theirs.
Today, as I wore my new pretty pink floral bra, I decided to take notice of the breasts around me. My boobs looked fabulous, know it, but that was not the case for a large group of women wondering around Beverly Hills. I found myself saying prayers for random boobs because there is torture happening all around us. Today I am here as a breast advocate. Pay attention.
I saw a woman with rather small boobs, but she had them in a bra that was clearly suffocating them in order to give them the appearance of oranges, when they were really grapes. I saw a woman with medium boobs, who was wearing a bra for small boobs, causing them to appear to be cut in half, so she was sporting four apples. Women need a lesson in bras and fruit.
I saw a woman who decided to forego a bra altogether, allowing her grapefruits to swing like monkeys from a tree. Another woman opted to tie a piece a string around her watermelons, which caused me to worry when she passed that I might lose an eye. You don’t put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound, and you don’t wear a tiny bra when you have big boobs.
The only time you should use string to contain breasts, is if you are tying up a chicken for Shabbat dinner. Breasts are important for a lot of women. They help define who we are, and if you think that is not true, ask someone who has lost hers. Breasts matter, as they should, and we need to respect them. Not just their health, but their daily lives, and bra needs.
Women owe it to themselves to get properly fitted for a bra. It will change how you look, and how you feel. Important to also note that unless you are walking down a runway during Paris fashion week, not wearing a bra is not an option. I don’t care how perky you are, get some support. To all the boobs in Beverly Hills, I hope relief is coming for you. Keep the faith!
April 4, 2013 | 9:29 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Last night I went to the airport to meet a friend. I got there a little early so I stopped to get some gas. As I was pumping my gas a car pulled up on the other side of the pump. A man dressed in his pilot uniform got out and I was frozen for a minute. He was beautiful. Not just his uniform, but as a human being, he was beautiful. He had dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and one rather prominent dimple on his right side.
He smiled as he got out of the car and I panicked and went into the store to get a drink. When I came out he was finishing up and looked over at me again. I said to him, “You are really beautiful.” He laughed and responded with, “Well hello, and thank you.” I giggled, may have twisted a piece of hair, and got in my car. He was standing there looking at me, gave me a little wave, and off I went. It was great.
As I killed time waiting for my friend, I was playing around on Twitter. I saw a tweet from @GodPosts that read, “If you are brave enough to say goodbye, God will reward you with a new hello.” I read it over and over again. I then read a tweet from @MarilynMonroeDC that read, “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.” I took these as a sign.
My Rabbi recently told me that God showers blessings on us everyday, and it is up to us to pay attention and catch the blessings. Sometimes our bucket is full, and other times we forget to pick up the bucket, and so blessings land around us and are not noticed. I have many blessings, but lately have forgotten about my bucket. Last night was a series of messages from God that I need to pay closer attention to my life.
This morning I spoke to the Englishman for the first time since we broke up, and it was wonderful. I love him. He is my best friend and I am not going to lose that friendship. He is a blessing in my life, and the life of my child, so while he is not my beshert, he is important, so I reached out. We had a lovely talk and everything is okay. I am going to find love again, as will he, and we will be happy for each other, as friends are.
Sunday is my birthday and I am going to mark the beginning of a new year with a new search. I am going to date, kiss a few frogs, get some priceless blogs, and meet a terrific man because I am a terrific woman. My friend Dannielle sent me a quote on Facebook that read, “Real men don’t date the most beautiful girl in the world, they date the girl who makes their world beautiful.” I cannot wait to meet that man.
And so the search begins. I’m single and dating, which sucks, but also has a silver lining. I have a wonderful son, a wonderful best friend, and a wonderful attitude. I am stronger, wiser, gentler, and kinder this time around. Life truly is a blessing and so I am going to put a smile on my face, be thankful for the lessons I have learned, polish up my bucket, start paying attention to the blessings around me, and keep the faith.
April 2, 2013 | 3:29 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I love my cleaning lady. Her name is Maria and I don’t know what I would do without her. She makes me happy and I look forward to her coming to my home more than any holiday. I am a very neat, organized, and clean person, but she is magic. She comes in and turns my home into a palace. She is brilliant at her job and if I ever lose my job, I will eat Top Ramon everyday if it means I can keep her employed. I really love and respect her.
Maria came to my home today and I just walked in and floated on air from room to room admiring her work. The thing is, I spent 2 hours yesterday cleaning my home so she wouldn’t think I was a slob. I did all my laundry, although she tells me she will do it, I went through my home and straightened up, put things away, and changed the beds. Why is it that I am cleaning up for my cleaning lady? Does anyone else do that?
Not only do I clean up in anticipation of her coming, but I don’t like to be home when she is here. I don’t want to be in her way, and I don’t want her to judge me. She never would of course, but I wonder what she is thinking as she cleans my home. I plan my schedule around her schedule. It is ridiculous really, but that is how I roll. I needed to get out of the house today so I made plans to meet an old friend for coffee.
I have known my friend “Lisa” for about 15 years. Our kids went to preschool together. When my son went on to Day School, her daughter went to a different school and we lost touch. There was never a falling out, we simply drifted apart because when your kids are young you are friends with the parents of your kids friends. I would see her occasionally but as our kids grew up we completely lost touch with other.
Lisa recently found my blog and sent me a message on Facebook to say hello and offer me support about my recent breakup. It was really very kind and I was immediately reminded of what a lovely girl she is. She also happens to be Canadian. I am proudly Canadian and there is just something about my people that is special. Canadians have a certain thing that I can’t quite explain, but if you are Canadian, you get it.
I have a Canadian flag tattooed near my bum so that no matter where I am sitting, I am always in Canada. My son has duel citizenship and although I have lived in America for over 20 years, Canada is home. My family is there, my lifelong friends are there, and my heart is there. I had not seen Lisa in over ten years but spending time with her was like being home. It was as if we had been together yesterday. I love this girl.
We talked about our kids, work, life, and Canada. She is a pistol. Our cup of coffee turned into 3 hours of therapy. It was all very cathartic. She made me laugh, made me think, and actually called me out on a bit of my crap. Being with her made me happy. We have a history together in terms of our kids and being Canadian, but it is also a new friendship as life is so much different now than it was ten years ago. We are now women.
We used to be young mothers raising our kids, but with our kids older, and life being complicated and consuming, we have experiences now that shift how we talk, what we talk about, and ultimately made us friends by choice, not the obligation that comes when your kids are friends. To Lisa, I freaking love you and you made my day. Not just because you got me out of the house for Maria, but because you are fabulous. You truly are.
I left Lisa and went to the mall. I have decided in light of my now being single, I was going to treat myself to some new bras and underwear. A great bra can change how you walk and talk, so in the interest of getting my sexy back, I thought rocking some sexiness under my current uniform of pajama bottoms and the Englishman’s t-shirt might help. I went to Victoria’s Secret to shop with an hour to kill before Maria was finished.
I stopped by Starbucks of course and as I was in line waiting for my latte, I checked my Twitter. I have a bit of a Twitter addiction and really look forward to hearing from those who follow me. Today however, was special. Today I got a tweet from a woman that I have loved for a very long time. I remember watching her on TV and wanting to be her friend. She was funny, sassy, quick witted, and super cool. She is Jackee Harry.
My Keeping it Real blog is all about reality television and my new favorite reality show is Married to Medicine. One of the stars of that show is a woman named Quad and when she speaks, her tone and attitude remind me of the divine Ms. Harry. I tweeted that Quad reminded me of Jackee and today Jackee tweeted back asking who Quad was. Really? I think I actually started clapping while in line at Starbucks. Jackee Harry!
I wrote her back of course and told her who Quad was, then let her know I thought she was divine. She tweeted the obligatory “xoxo” back, which I translated in my head to be, “Hi Ilana. You’re fabulous. Let’s meet for lunch and be best friends.” I just looked at her tweet again and without even realizing what I was doing, I clapped again. I really just think she is so great and I smile when I think about her. Jackee Harry rocks.
It has been a great day. I am currently rocking a gorgeous pink floral bra that makes me feel like a lingerie model, reconnected with my fabulous Canadian friend Lisa, and am one step closer to being best friends with Jackee Harry. I am doing good today and will be better tomorrow. I am a lovely girl and good things come my way all the time. The key is to pay attention, say a prayer, breathe deeply, and keep the faith.