Posted by Ilana Angel
I am so romantic that some could argue my views on love are unrealistic but if I am unrealistic it would imply that I somehow need to settle for something less than what I want and deserve and I don’t think anyone should ever settle and by settle I don’t mean compromise I just mean settle.
The simplest explanation of why I am not in a relationship is that I have been trying to force a square peg into a round hole which results in a broken heart and have now come out of that ready to share my life and I hope I am able to be open so when I find love I can recognize it.
I really put myself out there so if I were not trying I could not complain about not finding someone but I do try and can only assume that if I’m trying this hard and it’s not working I am doing something wrong and there has got to be an easier way.
Since I do a lot of dating through the Internet I recently got a book called “The Daternet” which was written by Courtney Lauren Kanner and Jeremy Stephen Howard and it looks at Internet dating from the perspectives of men and women which it turns out are opposite. Who knew?
It is a funny and brutally honest look at dating online and I found myself looking around when I read it because it was as if they had been watching me date. You can get it on Amazon and I highly recommend it for anyone who has ever been on an online date or plans to ever go on one.
It is my new online dating guide and I hope I can get through a date without pulling it out as a reference guide during dinner. This book showed me it is time for an intervention. I need help and when a nice Jewish woman wants to meet a nice Jewish man there is one place to go.
The time has come for me to accept the obvious. If I really want to meet my Beshert I need to befriend the enemy and for those of you who read my blog on a regular basis you know that the enemy is JDate. It’s time to suck it up and make peace.
Now while I do on occasion speak unkindly about JDate the fact of the matter is that I believe in JDate and actually recommend it to people and even though I complain about it I’m on it and paying for a membership so clearly I believe on some level there is hope and it can work.
I need to embrace JDate and therefore I ask the powers that be at JDate to help me. Step in and show me what I’m doing wrong and how I can increase my chances for love. I read your success stories and it’s working for a lot of people so there is no reason it could not work for me.
By working for other people of course I mean that I want proof. Who are these people? Has anyone ever met them? Are they actors from Russia that we would never run into on the street to ask them about their getting together? I’m going to need proof.
I’m in the business of keeping the faith and so is JDate so it would appear that we should be able to help each other. They can help me find love and I will write about my experiences and hopefully get a few people to come onboard the JDate Hell Train, I mean Love Train!
Let’s talk. This is a self-imposed intervention. I cannot promise JDate they will love everything that I write but I can promise that I will be honest and if there is an issue I will be clear that I hate the player not the game and JDate is the game and to be honest it’s the only game in town.
So here we are. Call me. Let’s make a plan and try a social experiment. I challenge you to help me find love. I will play the game, follow the rules and try it your way. I am going to put my dating life in the hands of JDate with the hope that they can help me keep the faith.
5.22.13 at 6:34 am | I am forever touched by this young man.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me.
5.9.13 at 4:10 pm | Love s certainly a game, but it does not need to. . .
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (393)
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date. (385)
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch. (326)
November 4, 2009 | 12:36 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I would like to take a break from my single girl ranting to talk about my disgust at the voters of Maine for rejecting gay marriage. I can remember a time when 2009 was supposed to be the future and all would be equal yet here we are living in the greatest country in the world and not all of our citizens are treated equally and it is beyond embarrassing.
As you all know I am searching for love and hope to get married one day and let me tell you something, when I look at the relationships of people in my life I covet the loving and successful partnerships of my gay friends and it is important to note their relationships are not successful because they are gay they are successful because they are loving and decent people.
For the last 13 years I have had a not so secret crush on Andy Nicastro. Andy is gorgeous, smart, funny, seriously addicted to reality television and my Beshert. I have wanted to marry Andy forever and by marry him of course I mean that he is completely unavailable and unavailable men are my thing and by unavailable of course I mean he is gay.
Andy and his better half Patrick have been together for 16 years and by better half of course I mean better half. I would actually marry either one of these men. They have a loving and caring bond that is beautiful and I just cannot understand why so many people think it is wrong. Here are two people who are putting in the work to have a successful relationship and they are rewarded by being singled out as lesser human beings.
I have two other friends Bill and Bill, I know it’s cute that they are both named Bill, who have been together for 11 years. They have a delicious little boy who is being raised by two loving and caring parents and he will grow up seeing what it is for two adults to love and support each other and his parents cannot get married because a bunch of people who live in the dark ages and have never met them said it was wrong.
These two men are both school teachers which means that they are heros and work really hard to help mold the future of this country for virtually no money and we can tell them that we appreciate their work as teachers but in the same breath tell them they are not worthy of the rights that the rest of us have.
What kind of message does that send to their little boy and to all of our children? There are kids being raised in horrible situations and learning that is ok and yet these men are not allowed to get married? I would rather have my son have the relationships of Andy and Patrick and Bill and Bill as a role model of what he should seek for himself over the dysfunctional marriages of many of my heterosexual friends.
This is the future people and to those with closed minds and dark black hearts it’s time you opened your eyes and realized that you are ruining it. Figure it out people and do it quickly and we will forgive you and by forgive you of course I mean when we kick your @$$ it will be quick but our patience is running out so get it together already.
To Bill, Bill, Leslie, Michelle, Scott, Paul, Patrick, Andy and all the fabulous gay people in my life I love you and will not get married until we can all get married and by not getting married of course I mean I won’t unless he’s a gorgeous Jewish doctor in which case I know you would all take one for the team and insist I marry him because you are all givers like that.
To my darling Andy, I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and one day I will dance at your wedding. It’s important for you to note that when they allow gay marriage it does not mean that you need to marry someone who is gay and so perhaps when I dance at your wedding it will also be my wedding and I will be wearing a white dress and Patrick can give me away as a show of peace that you and I are finally together. Oh a girl can dream and anything is possible if I keep the faith.
November 3, 2009 | 12:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been in love with my child since I was a little girl. Long before I got married or pregnant or knew if I was having a boy or a girl I loved this person with all my heart. I used to dream about being a mother when I was young and always assumed I would have a bunch of kids but there was another path for me and since I was blessed with only one child God gave me one that is perfect.
My life has been an interesting journey marked by moments of joy and tears. This child has made the joy appear in vibrant color and the tears pass quickly because he replaces them with laughter. It has been just the two of us for a long time and it was my son who reminded me that I was not only a mother but a woman and I needed to start putting myself out there.
My boy and I had a great night. We did homework, made dinner, hung out, watched TV, farmed on Facebook and just chilled at home. I love to watch him sleeping. He is beautiful and it’s the only time all day that he is quiet. He has all the best parts of me and his dad in him and at certain angles it’s as if I’m looking at my own father as a young man and it is wonderful.
He will be 14 in January and I can see him changing every day. Not only physically but emotionally and mentally. I am watching him grow from a child into a young man and it is glorious and scary. Every day brings a new challenge, a new worry, a new goal and a new smile.
I don’t know why I’m feeling so mushy but I just want to say that I am thankful for this remarkable child. I am honored to be his mother and pray I am doing a good job and when he looks back on his childhood I hope he understands that I did the best I could to give him a life filled with love, hope, joy and faith.
To my darling son you are my sunshine and my heart and I want you to know that with each day of my life I love you a little more than the day before. I can’t wait to take you to college, dance at your wedding and spoil your kids. You are the single most important person that I have ever known and my world is better with you in it. The entire world is better with you in it.
I wish you health and happiness and I hope that all the dreams you have for yourself come true. Be happy, healthy, safe and kind. Be respectful, honest, generous and patient. Believe in yourself and set your goals high because everything is possible if you keep the faith.
November 2, 2009 | 3:10 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Dating is a drag. It takes so much time and effort to meet someone, decide if you want to go out with them, decide if it should be a coffee, drink, dinner or a walk, finding something to wear, meet at a place or be picked up and then when it finally all gets sorted out you realize that you are going to meet a complete stranger and hope that he is safe, kind and honest.
It really is horrible and yet I continue to do it and the more disappointed a date is the more I am determined to not give up or be broken by a series of men who are not worthy and by not worthy of course I mean that they should be ashamed of themselves for being so dishonest. For some reason my last few dates have been with the type of men that make me think I should get another cat and call it a day.
I’m trying to figure out how it is possible that I don’t give up and a different type of woman would have surrendered already and I know many who have. But not me! Men say they are single when they are married, divorced when they are separated, tall when they are short, funny when they are not and say they are looking for a relationship and by relationship of course they mean they are looking for a really meaningful 45 minutes.
The best time in the course of dating is the pre-date because you have not met in person and there is a freedom and safety that comes with the phone where you can talk and share and get a sense of a person and by sense of that person of course I mean you get what they give you but it’s almost old fashioned in the simplicity and you can convince yourself that you can believe what they tell you in a small window of time where the possibilities are endless.
Last night I spent a long time talking to a man I met on JDate and I had such a nice time. He was charming and made me laugh and it was a discussion that was more meaningful than it would have been at a Starbucks or over a drink because the phone removes some nerves and by nerves I mean that I am my most comfortable sitting on my couch talking freely.
This gentleman and I are having dinner on Thursday night which means that for the next 4 days I can be excited about the possibilities that I might have a nice date with a nice man. This will be a great 4 days that will, based on my recent history, be the best part of the date. Or maybe, just maybe he is lovely and we will have a nice time.
Pre-dating is a time to be optimistic that you will have a great date and whether it is or isn’t, it is a reminder to keep the faith.
November 1, 2009 | 12:37 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s been several years since I watched the Disney classic Pinocchio and so it’s hard to remember exactly what he looks like but I’m almost certain that he and I went on a date this week. The poor little fellow just could not control himself and by the end of the night his nose was so big I offered to drop him off at Cedars for some much-needed medical attention.
Lying is a fascinating thing and watching someone do it when you know and they know they are lying is entertaining beyond measure. My son has never been much of a liar and when he does occasionally tell a lie it is so obvious that it’s sometimes hard for me not to laugh. I can see the wheels in his head spinning and when he lands the big punch he is so surprised by what he just said that the shock registers on his face and it’s all over.
There are different types of lying and some are actually good. If you withhold information from someone because it may hurt them it’s a lie but when done with loving intentions it can be okay and women have that form of lying mastered because we protect each other and our friends and family and so even though it’s a lie it can be good and by good of course I mean that lying is never really good but sometimes necessary.
The most fascinating lie is the dating lie. It’s the kind of lie that you can never take back or undo. When you tell someone you are 5’10” and are really 5’7” there is no going back. When you tell someone you are divorced and then tell them you need to cancel dinner because you have a meeting about your divorce there is no going back. When you tell someone you just bought a new car then have your mom call and say she needs her car back there is no going back.
I will never fully understand the dating lie. It seems like an area of life that one should try to be honest about because if you lie and then discover that you really like that person there is no going back because you have now established yourself as a liar and as Maya Angelou says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
If you are reading this Pinocchio don’t call me because my phone was stolen by aliens when I was abducted last night and I have moved to Alaska to become a fisherman and I’m really a man and I’m married and pregnant and going in for surgery tomorrow so I can enter the witness protection program. I’m sure you understand. Best of luck and while I don’t think it will help, keep the faith.
October 31, 2009 | 12:26 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Here is a recap of my week. Full articles are available at www.jewishjournal.com/keepingthefatih.
1. If Aaron Carter does not get booted off of Dancing With the Stars this week I am going to have to stick my hand down my throat and remove my own kidney. Seriously. Enough. Go home Aaron and as a gift to those of us who have had to watch you for so long you should cry like a baby when you go. Thanks.
2. My son went to a party this week that ended when the police were called in. I can honestly remember when he was a baby and his bum could fit into the palm of my hand and now he is taller than me and going to huge parties. I don’t l know how it happened so fast but I do know that I love this child more every single day of his life and while I’m scared of the changes I welcome the adventure.
3. I’m still on JDate and there is nothing more to say about that.
4. I went to a funeral for the lovely Bill Basch who was a survivor of the Holocaust and was reminded that we must never forget this horrible chapter in the history of the world, Jews and all who were persecuted. I encourage you to visit the USC Shoah Foundation institute at www.college.usc.edu/vhi where you can learn, donate and remember.
5. There was a shooting at Adat Yeshurun Temple in North Hollywood this week and they are still looking for the shooter. This just breaks my heart and makes me fearful for our children that this is the world in which we live. God Bless those who were injured. God Bless us all.
6. On a lighter note I learned this week that there are hundreds of condom choices and the correct amount of time to invest in condom shopping is at least 25 minutes.
7. I went on two dates this week with “Brad” from JDate. He is funny and charming and we have a really great connection and I like him a lot but he has young children, has been divorced for 5 minutes and is at a different place in his life than I am in mine and it begs the question if you make a list of things that you want and you meet someone who has a about 50% of those things do you invest and see if it can work or do you stick with what you know you want and move on?
It has been an interesting week. I’m dealing with the growing pains of my teenager, growing pains of my dating life, and growing pains of my @$$ because I was so busy this week I didn’t work out everyday. I hope next week is different. Not better, just different. Shabbat Shalom and keep the faith.
October 30, 2009 | 1:23 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
When was the last time you spent 20 minutes shopping for one thing? A couch? A car? A present? For me it was a pair of shoes. I wanted gorgeous chocolate brown high heals for my son’s Bar Mitzvah and it took me about 45 minutes to find the perfect pair and it was worth every minute and every penny. I figure it’s got to be something important if you are going to spend a lot of time looking for it.
Yesterday I was at Rite Aid picking up a prescription for my son’s allergies and there was a line of people waiting and for the record the Rite Aid at Coldwater and Fulton always has a line and the people who work there are never smiling but I go there even though it’s annoying because it is close to home and there is a Starbucks next door so if I get a cup of tea before I go in it is a little less painful.
So I’m waiting in line looking around and see that next to the register is a shelf of condoms and I never noticed how many different types of condoms there are but let me tell you something, there are a lot. I’m looking at the selection and frankly amazed at all the options when a man walks up and starts to study the choices but it was weird because he was not picking up the boxes just reading the front of the packages and he was really focused occasionally crouching down and then standing up and scratching his head.
I was in line for 15 minutes and he was looking at condoms the entire time and I was fascinated and wanted to ask him what he was thinking, what the big decision was or if he needed any help then I got to the front of the line and was disappointed because I wanted to know how long he would stay there and what he would buy so I waited a few minutes to see if he bought anything but he was still just looking and thinking.
Good for him that he is practicing safe sex, or perhaps just dreaming about the day he can practice safe sex. It’s a curious thing to spend over 20 minutes looking at condoms and by curious of course I mean odd. The amount of choices I imagine would require some time and consideration but if it were me I might do my research online and then sweep in for the purchase.
To the interesting and conscientious man who spent so much time researching condoms I wish you well, commend your dedication to making sure you get the perfect item and remind you that when you utilize your purchase, keep the faith.
October 29, 2009 | 1:30 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
May God Bless and keep close all those involved in the shooting this morning at Adat Yeshurun in North Hollywood. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you and the Jewish community as a whole.