October 27, 2009 | 9:36 am

Baby Steps

Posted by Ilana Angel

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There are days when I think I am actually getting better at understanding how men think and therefore one step closer to meeting my Beshert but then something happens that blows that theory right out of the water and even though I take two steps forward I end up getting pushed four steps back and so in the end it’s better to take your time with baby steps because even though it may take longer to get where you’re going the setbacks will be smaller.

I decided I was going to be brave and write someone on JDate so I took an hour out of my life, did a search and sorted through the masses to find someone intriguing and yes I rejoined JDate after I said I never would but don’t judge because it’s a necessary evil and by evil of course I mean that it can work and if I give up I could be quitting just before I’m about to meet a great guy and I’m trying so you need to be supportive and by you I mean those who are rolling their eyes wondering why I put myself back on the hell train.

So I find someone I think is interesting and send him a note.  He is divorced with kids, lives in Santa Monica, handsome, tall, looks like he’s in his early 40’s though he says he is 53 and he wrote about his kids in a way that was charming and kind.  He really did appear to be a good guy so I send the note and he writes back right away to tell me that he is going out of town for 2 days and can we chat when he gets back.  I wish him safe travels and plan on talking to him when he gets home.

Then last night I’m on JDate reading an email when I see that someone is trying to IM me and even though the name of the person looking at me is the name of the guy I wrote the day before the picture is not of the same guy.  I look closely and realize that it is in fact the same guy only he has aged about 20 years and even better than that, upon closer investigation it would appear that he is now 2 inches shorter and has lost most of his hair.     
                                                                         
I figure he posted a picture and got some attention then panicked that he was presenting himself as someone he wasn’t anymore but forgot that people already saw his old profile and even though he thought better of it and came clean he now just looks creepy and I feel duped.  I can totally understand the panic in putting yourself online and I get that there is stress with picking a photo and writing about yourself but I will never understand the lying because the truth always comes out in the end and isn’t it better to be a little shorter, balder and older than a liar?

I know these issues are not specific to JDate it just seems worse to find them there because I would expect Jews to behave decently and perhaps that’s naive and silly because we are all just people and human nature is the same but there is a certain expectation and therefore disappointment in it being a Jewish site because it just does not have to be that way and I would hope that Jewish men would be the exception to the rule which is silly because I only date Jewish men and here I am dealing with this and to be fair women do the exact same thing.

I wish my old, short, bald, lying new friend success with his search for love and I will go back to the drawing board because sometimes you just need to wipe the slate clean and start over and even though starting over can be daunting if you focus on the big picture you can laugh at the setbacks and take a baby step forward while keeping the faith.

October 26, 2009 | 12:47 pm

JDate Update

Posted by Ilana Angel

Recycled man called to say hello and that he was sorry he had been out of touch and that he’d like to talk to me.  Te recap, we went out on 1 date 5 years ago then he recently found me on JDate and we went out on a couple of dates.  He was funny and lovely and we had a great date then I never heard from him again until now 3 weeks later.  Is he kidding me?  It only takes a minute to call and say you are busy or something is going on in your life.  You can’t call 3 weeks later as if you had spoken yesterday.  I should have known better than to go out with someone who voted for Bush.  Twice!

I got a call last week from the girlfriend of “Richard” to let me know that she forgave him and they were living together and were going to get married.  I seriously think this chick is a loon and the weirdest part is that I found myself feeling sorry for Richard.  This is a nice guy who got off track due to some personal setbacks and I will never understand how a man can go online and meet a woman and date her while he has a girlfriend.  To recap, I was the one he dated and I found out he had a girlfriend when she called me after seeing my number so many times on his cell phone bill.  I hope Richard takes care of himself.  She forgave him for cheating but he needs to forgive himself and move on.  I never condone cheating and I still feel sick that I contributed to this woman’s pain but she is crazy and I think this is not a normal cheating situation.  I wish Richard and Crazy well and I thank God that I never crossed a line there.  It’s good to be a lady.

Mr. Israel has vanished.  To recap, we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks because my mom was visiting and went on one date before he was leaving for Israel to visit his family for the holidays and we left it with our going out when he came back and I never heard from him again.  It was never going to be a love connection but it was a nice date and we enjoyed each other’s company and for him to vanish is just flakey and a reflection of him not me.

I met all three of these men on JDate.  Interesting.  I think it’s time for a change and I’m not sure what the change is because I honestly think JDate can work I just have not figured out how to make it work for me.  I’m going to think this one over and get back to you.  In terms of JDate it may require more than just my keeping the faith.

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October 25, 2009 | 2:25 pm

Growing Pains

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night started off normal enough with my son and I having dinner and talking about our plans for the evening.  My son was going to a birthday party for one of his buddies so I would drop him off and head out to a work thing then have dinner with friends and pick him up at 11.

Important to note that I’m not a fan of the home where the party was and I did not want him to go at all because I worry things can get out of control when there is such lax supervision but he is almost 14 and should not miss out on stuff because of me so I put my concerns aside and let him go. 

When I dropped him off I told him to text me a couple of times so I know he is okay and I realize that may be over protective but he is my only child and if he checks in I feel better and he does it even though he thinks it’s lame because he knows it makes me happy and by makes me happy of course I mean that he understands that if I don’t hear from him I will drive over there and he will be mortified.

He called at 10:15 to see if he could sleep over at the party and when I told him no there was a flash moment of him thinking I was the meanest mother ever but it passed and I let him know I’d be there at 11.  He called back just before 11 and let me know one of his friends moms was going to bring him home so I did not need to schlep over.  Score.  He’s coming home and all is well.

Five minutes later he walks in the front door and he is covered in blood.  I of course flip out only to have him explain that it is fake and from some Halloween thing they were doing which is annoying to me but simply the funniest thing in the world to my son which is even more annoying to me.

He then tells me that the police came to shut down the party which made sense because I was wondering why he agreed to come home without a fight or begging.  Turns out the birthday boy had invited about 20 kids and double turned up and the neighbors called in the cops.  His first police shut down party and he’s not quite 14.  It’s the beginning of the end.

I can remember the day he was born, the first time he told me he loved me, the time he ran away from home when I would not make macaroni and cheese for breakfast, the first time he asked me to dance, the first time his heart was broken and now he is a young man who was at a party where the police were called in.  How did time go by so fast?

It’s an odd day when you realize your baby is growing up.  It does not matter how hard you prepare it’s always going to be hard.  I can see my future filled with nights at home waiting for the front door to open.  It’s exciting to watch him become a man and scary to watch my baby growing up.  I can only trust that I have raised a decent human being and that it will all be okay if I keep the faith.

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October 24, 2009 | 11:56 am

Reality TV Guide

Posted by Ilana Angel

It’s time for an update on reality television and by update I mean that I think I should have my own reality show and by have my own show I mean I am trying to find a way in which I could hang out with Mike Fleiss all day and not have it appear that I am creepy, crazy cat lady who follows him around like a lost puppy unless the show were about the life of a crazy cat lady who has given up on dating and spends her nonexistent free time searching through JDate in the hopes that maybe she missed the one frog who had potential.

Today I am going to the set of The Bachelor, Monday nights on ABC starting in January, to interview Chris Harrison about love and faith and the paths that some people take in order to find a partner.  He has really seen it all hosting The Bachelor and I look forward to hearing what his take is.  I can’t wait for this season to begin.  The girls are beautiful, there are a couple of train wreck chicks that will be perfection to watch and Jake is the first Bachelor in a while that I feel is sincerely looking for love.

Survivor, Thursdays on CBS, is the same thing every season but I watch in case there is someone compelling and this time around it is Russell.  Not the attorney Russell who left this week due to illness but Texas Russell who is the most vile and disgusting player to ever be on the show and in my opinion, the sexiest.  I love this guy.  He is playing the game brilliantly and he has the ultimate bad boy image of the guy you know you should stay away from because he will break your heart but you can’t help yourself and by can’t help yourself of course I mean he reminds me of men I have loved and clearly I need to try something new and by something new I mean Russell, call me.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta is divine and these chicks are seriously crazy.  It’s one of those things that if you watch your eyes will start burning but you can’t turn away.  Their boobs and diamonds appear to get bigger each week and they are always fighting and I seriously doubt that they consider their kids at any moment during the filming of this show and if I behaved as they do my kid would be mortified and by mortified of course I mean he is totally mortified by me but he is almost 14 and that is my job right now and he should not take it personally and neither should I as it’s a rite of passage.

Dancing With The Stars, Mondays and Tuesdays on ABC.  The only thing I can really say at this point is that Aaron Carter simply MUST GO HOME.  I will vote for everyone else to make it happen and by saying that I will vote for them of course I mean that I have been voting for them and for some reason America is keeping him there and he makes my eyes bleed.  I want Ms. Osbourne and Mr. Osmond to be in the finale and then I want Kelly to kick Donny’s @$$.  That is good television.

I hope you all have a great day in your own reality.  I will report back tomorrow about my trip to reality heaven.  Thanks to Leslie Zimmer for a lovely time with your group and a shout out to the fabulous Laura Ex.  You are the best Laura and I love you. 

Keep it real and keep the faith.

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October 23, 2009 | 12:01 pm

Random Stuff

Posted by Ilana Angel

1. I am having a love/hate relationship with my hair this week.  It’s long and it’s bugging me.  Long hair is a lot of work and quite frankly I’m just not feeling it and all I want to do it cut it all off.  I struggle with my grey hairs all the time and wanted to grow them out but got talked out of that and am back to my original color and by original of course I mean the color that my hair dresser felt like slapping on there.  If I hate my hair for one more day it’s gone.  Why can men look so handsome bald?  One more day and it’s gone!

2. I think Mother Nature is going through menopause and rather than hot flashes she is cold all the time and is making the weather in Los Angeles hot so she can cool off.  Listen to me lady, ENOUGH.  It is October my dear and if we don’t get some cooled down temperatures for more than a day I am seriously going to hunt you down and kick your @$$.  Is it too much to ask to wear a sweater in OCTOBER?  This goes against every fiber of my Canadian being.  Low 90’s in the valley today.  Really?

3. My PC bit the bullet last week and after a valiant effort to fix it, she has passed on.  She was replaced yesterday with a Mac.  I always thought that Mac people were snobs and when they hear you use a PC there is a look of pity and disgust that crosses their faces.  There is a weird judgmental vibe with these people and I always thought it was pathetic that they would equate their worth with a computer.  I spent last night playing around on my new Mac and I must say that I have been sucked over to the dark side.  I love this computer and I get what they were all talking about.  I’m converted and hope that I can contain my smugness when I come across PC users.

4. I love my kid.  Really, really love him.  I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh.  I share custody with his dad and so he’s been over there for a couple of days and he comes home today and I am so excited.  I actually get giddy when I know he is coming back.  We talk everyday and text all the time but it’s just not the same as having him here.  He has plans with his friends all weekend and I won’t see him that much but he will be here and that is a great thing.  Maybe this will be the weekend I surprise him with my plan that when he goes away to college I’m going to move off campus wherever he is to be close to him.  Maybe it’s too soon.

5. I am fascinated by the story of ESPN’s Steve Phillips and his mistress.  This will be a made for television movie by Thanksgiving.  His mistress is a loon in the most glorious Glenn Close fashion.  I feel bad for his wife and his children but this guy is a pig and his life is unraveling because of his actions not his girlfriend.  I will never understand how men cheat and think it won’t be found out and are surprised when they get in trouble.  I think women who feel it’s okay to disrespect other women by being with their husbands are sad. I understand how hard it is to find love but taking that away from another women is a situation that can not have a good outcome. 

I wish everyone a great weekend.  Love your kids, call your mom and tell her she is appreciated, cut off all your hair and if you’re in a place with normal weather put on a sweater and a scarf and take a deep breath of the fall air for me.  Shabbat Shalom and keep the faith.

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October 22, 2009 | 2:31 pm

Groupies

Posted by Ilana Angel

I woke up early this morning and by early I mean I did not sleep well and was up at the crack of dawn so as soon as the sun made an appearance I went for a walk.  I walked for about an hour and a half and ended up at the Starbucks a few blocks from my home.

I’m in line listening to Rush belt out Tom Sawyer on my iPod when the man in front of me backs up and knocks into me.  I turn off my music to accept his apology and we start chatting.  He is a very elegant man who is handsome in a beautiful suit with kind eyes and looks to be in his 60’s. 

We get to the front of the line and he orders his coffee and says he’d like to buy mine.  I assure him he did not break anything when he backed into me but he insists and buys me a cup of tea.  We chat while we wait and he invites me to sit for a minute so we find a couple of chairs.

He asks me what my name is and when I tell him Ilana he says he thought so and asked me if I actually keep the faith or if it was just a clever title that I made up.  Yes indeed my darlings my 15 minutes have officially begun because I have a groupie and he is adorable.

For people who know me, when they read my blog they hear my voice as they read it and I think it makes sense because they read it exactly as it was written.  It was interesting to hear how it is perceived by someone who does not know me and hears it in his or her own voice not mine.

According to my groupie I am funny and charming but have an edge that is coming across as loneliness.  He said I was entertaining and that I have a romantic view of life, which he admired, and he thought it was impressive that I am so authentic.

When you write from home and send your words out into the universe it’s weird because there are so many people reading your work but you really don’t know how your message is received and while I get lovely feedback from people I also get a lot of nastiness from a lot of nasty people.

I want to give a special shout out to “Harold”.  You made my day and I’m so glad we met.  Thank you for the tea and the lovely conversation.  You are adorable and I appreciate you taking the time to share your morning with me and it was wonderful to have my work recognized. 

I called Harold a fan and he insisted that he be referred to as a groupie, which is just too cute.  I appreciate that “20 years is a drop in the bucket” and I am flattered that you asked me out for dinner. You are a charming and delicious man.

Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I really do enjoy writing it and I’m glad that you are enjoying it.  If it makes you laugh, cry, happy or pissed off it’s all good because it is making you feel something and that means that I’ve done my job as a writer.

Keeping the Faith is a clever name for a blog about being single and looking for love with someone who shares my faith but is also something that I do on a daily basis to deal with the fact that I am single and looking for love with someone who shares my faith.  Whatever your faith is, keep it close.

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October 21, 2009 | 11:13 am

Oy Oprah!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I was at home yesterday and totally excited because I was going to watch Oprah while I worked.  My son had been safely deposited at the mall with his friends so I made a cup of tea, got situated on the couch and then before I could even start my afternoon it was all over as Oprah began to tell me about how 8 woman were infected with HIV by a man some of them met online. 

The saddest story was a women who had been married for 25 years and her only sexual partner had been her husband.  She got divorced, met a man online and contracted HIV.  They were all lovely and my heart broke for all of them but this one woman touched me as she was the mother of one son and her pain was palpable.

How brave they all were to come forward and share what happened to them.  The man who infected them is thought to have infected many more women and is currently serving a 45 year sentence in prison.  I shall keep these women in my prayers and wish them health and happiness.

Can you ever really know what someone’s history is and even if you insist on getting tested and using protection the risks are so high that I wonder what kind of sex life will be available to our children and by children of course I mean it will be 10 years before my son even thinks about it and by 10 years of course I mean I am in total denial about my son and his ever having sex.

If I were to really think about internet dating and list out all the horror stories I have heard and add my own to that list I don’t think I could go out on another date with anyone I met online as I would just be too scared.  To be honest it’s not even just about meeting them online because dating in general is so scary that some days it hardly seems worth it.

I’m not sure what other options are available to meet single people and more importantly ways for women to meet single men who are interested in having relationships not just “hooking up”.  I think that sex is a great thing and really important in a relationship but it’s the one thing that can ruin everything and there is no taking it back once you cross the line.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed that I am single at this stage of my life but if my choices were to be in an unhappy marriage or having to be on the dating hell train I would take the train but with that said maybe what I need to do is get off the train and just start walking because when you focus on getting somewhere quickly you can take a bad turn and end up in the wrong place.

I’m going to have to check with my good friend TIVO before I make plans to spend some time with Oprah again.  Nothing can ruin an afternoon like a joy sucker.  I shall navigate carefully, be thankful that I have an open relationship with my son where he can talk about sex and ask questions and pray that he makes the right decisions for himself and his partner. In 10 years.

I never would have pegged Oprah as a party pooper but she is.  She took my lovely afternoon at home and sucked all the joy right out of it. On Monday night I was hopeful and knew that love was attainable and then by 3:05 on Tuesday I was slapped in the face by reality and by reality I mean I seriously need to get a couple of cats, buy some batteries and call it a day.

I am reading a book about how to properly date online so I will report back next week on what I learned.  My fingers are crossed because at this point I am not too proud to say I need help.  It might be time for a new plan and by a new plan of course I mean that finding a Beshert might require more than just keeping the faith.

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October 20, 2009 | 2:28 pm

Past and Future

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I got a look into the past and a glimpse of the future and experiences like that don’t come along very often.  It was eye opening and I got up this morning determined to make some changes and by make some changes of course I mean I need to not get anymore cats.

The AMPAS is hosting a series featuring the short subject and feature documentaries that won Oscars and last night spotlighted the films of 1998.  “The Personals:  Improvisations on Romance in the Golden Years” and “The Last Days” are brilliant films and I was happy to be there to see them with my son.

The Last Days tells the stores of five Holocaust survivors from Hungary.  I worked for the Shoah Foundation when this film was released and I spent a lot of time with the filmmakers and featured survivors.  It altered my worldview, changed the type of mother that I wanted to be and made me a more aware Jew.

My son saw it for the first time and when it was over he said he understood me better. He then took the program from the evening and had Renee Firestone, a holocaust survivor and educator who is in the film, autograph it for him.  He has known Renee for his entire life but it was as if he were meeting her for the first time.

Seeing The Last Days was a look into not only my professional past, but also the history of my tribe.  It’s been an interesting week of responses to my blog and I’ve been attacked for my desire to marry a Jew and wanting the same for my child.  This film showed me I don’t need to defend or justify my choices to anyone.

The Personals is about a group of senior citizens in New York City who are part of a theater group at a Jewish Community Center.  They talk about dating and finding love when you are in your golden years and it made me laugh and cry.  I saw myself in the movie 40 years into the future.

In one scene there is a lady in her apartment with her cat talking about how lonely she is.  I looked at her, looked at my son, he looked at her, looked at me and we both burst into laughter and by laughter of course I mean I wanted to pull out my hair.  She even looked a bit like me.

I often say how hard it is to meet people when you are in your 40’s but it would appear to be much harder when you are in your 70’s.  What was so interesting is that listening to these elderly women was like eavesdropping in on a conversation between my friends and me right now.

At one point a 77 year old woman talks about a date she had and I swear that I met the exact same guy on JDate and we went out last week!  Dating and sex has not really changed at all over the years. Women want love and men want to score no matter what their age is.

I recommend both of these films.  One is a look at a painful history through the eyes of people who were there and brave enough to share and one is a look at love and dating through the eyes of people who are in their golden years, want to be in love again and fear being alone.

Nobody should ever die because of his or her faith, race or sexual orientation and nobody should have to die alone.  There is someone for everyone and in some cases there are many people for someone and love can be found again after it has been lost. 

I’m sitting on my couch, with my cat, in my pajamas writing my blog and actually have no desire to pull my hair out.  Meeting my Beshert is going to happen.  It will happen for all of us who are looking for it.  All you need is hope, patience and the ability to keep the faith.

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