October 23, 2009 | 12:01 pm

Random Stuff

Posted by Ilana Angel

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1. I am having a love/hate relationship with my hair this week.  It’s long and it’s bugging me.  Long hair is a lot of work and quite frankly I’m just not feeling it and all I want to do it cut it all off.  I struggle with my grey hairs all the time and wanted to grow them out but got talked out of that and am back to my original color and by original of course I mean the color that my hair dresser felt like slapping on there.  If I hate my hair for one more day it’s gone.  Why can men look so handsome bald?  One more day and it’s gone!

2. I think Mother Nature is going through menopause and rather than hot flashes she is cold all the time and is making the weather in Los Angeles hot so she can cool off.  Listen to me lady, ENOUGH.  It is October my dear and if we don’t get some cooled down temperatures for more than a day I am seriously going to hunt you down and kick your @$$.  Is it too much to ask to wear a sweater in OCTOBER?  This goes against every fiber of my Canadian being.  Low 90’s in the valley today.  Really?

3. My PC bit the bullet last week and after a valiant effort to fix it, she has passed on.  She was replaced yesterday with a Mac.  I always thought that Mac people were snobs and when they hear you use a PC there is a look of pity and disgust that crosses their faces.  There is a weird judgmental vibe with these people and I always thought it was pathetic that they would equate their worth with a computer.  I spent last night playing around on my new Mac and I must say that I have been sucked over to the dark side.  I love this computer and I get what they were all talking about.  I’m converted and hope that I can contain my smugness when I come across PC users.

4. I love my kid.  Really, really love him.  I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh.  I share custody with his dad and so he’s been over there for a couple of days and he comes home today and I am so excited.  I actually get giddy when I know he is coming back.  We talk everyday and text all the time but it’s just not the same as having him here.  He has plans with his friends all weekend and I won’t see him that much but he will be here and that is a great thing.  Maybe this will be the weekend I surprise him with my plan that when he goes away to college I’m going to move off campus wherever he is to be close to him.  Maybe it’s too soon.

5. I am fascinated by the story of ESPN’s Steve Phillips and his mistress.  This will be a made for television movie by Thanksgiving.  His mistress is a loon in the most glorious Glenn Close fashion.  I feel bad for his wife and his children but this guy is a pig and his life is unraveling because of his actions not his girlfriend.  I will never understand how men cheat and think it won’t be found out and are surprised when they get in trouble.  I think women who feel it’s okay to disrespect other women by being with their husbands are sad. I understand how hard it is to find love but taking that away from another women is a situation that can not have a good outcome. 

I wish everyone a great weekend.  Love your kids, call your mom and tell her she is appreciated, cut off all your hair and if you’re in a place with normal weather put on a sweater and a scarf and take a deep breath of the fall air for me.  Shabbat Shalom and keep the faith.

October 22, 2009 | 2:31 pm

Groupies

Posted by Ilana Angel

I woke up early this morning and by early I mean I did not sleep well and was up at the crack of dawn so as soon as the sun made an appearance I went for a walk.  I walked for about an hour and a half and ended up at the Starbucks a few blocks from my home.

I’m in line listening to Rush belt out Tom Sawyer on my iPod when the man in front of me backs up and knocks into me.  I turn off my music to accept his apology and we start chatting.  He is a very elegant man who is handsome in a beautiful suit with kind eyes and looks to be in his 60’s. 

We get to the front of the line and he orders his coffee and says he’d like to buy mine.  I assure him he did not break anything when he backed into me but he insists and buys me a cup of tea.  We chat while we wait and he invites me to sit for a minute so we find a couple of chairs.

He asks me what my name is and when I tell him Ilana he says he thought so and asked me if I actually keep the faith or if it was just a clever title that I made up.  Yes indeed my darlings my 15 minutes have officially begun because I have a groupie and he is adorable.

For people who know me, when they read my blog they hear my voice as they read it and I think it makes sense because they read it exactly as it was written.  It was interesting to hear how it is perceived by someone who does not know me and hears it in his or her own voice not mine.

According to my groupie I am funny and charming but have an edge that is coming across as loneliness.  He said I was entertaining and that I have a romantic view of life, which he admired, and he thought it was impressive that I am so authentic.

When you write from home and send your words out into the universe it’s weird because there are so many people reading your work but you really don’t know how your message is received and while I get lovely feedback from people I also get a lot of nastiness from a lot of nasty people.

I want to give a special shout out to “Harold”.  You made my day and I’m so glad we met.  Thank you for the tea and the lovely conversation.  You are adorable and I appreciate you taking the time to share your morning with me and it was wonderful to have my work recognized. 

I called Harold a fan and he insisted that he be referred to as a groupie, which is just too cute.  I appreciate that “20 years is a drop in the bucket” and I am flattered that you asked me out for dinner. You are a charming and delicious man.

Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I really do enjoy writing it and I’m glad that you are enjoying it.  If it makes you laugh, cry, happy or pissed off it’s all good because it is making you feel something and that means that I’ve done my job as a writer.

Keeping the Faith is a clever name for a blog about being single and looking for love with someone who shares my faith but is also something that I do on a daily basis to deal with the fact that I am single and looking for love with someone who shares my faith.  Whatever your faith is, keep it close.

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October 21, 2009 | 11:13 am

Oy Oprah!

Posted by Ilana Angel

I was at home yesterday and totally excited because I was going to watch Oprah while I worked.  My son had been safely deposited at the mall with his friends so I made a cup of tea, got situated on the couch and then before I could even start my afternoon it was all over as Oprah began to tell me about how 8 woman were infected with HIV by a man some of them met online. 

The saddest story was a women who had been married for 25 years and her only sexual partner had been her husband.  She got divorced, met a man online and contracted HIV.  They were all lovely and my heart broke for all of them but this one woman touched me as she was the mother of one son and her pain was palpable.

How brave they all were to come forward and share what happened to them.  The man who infected them is thought to have infected many more women and is currently serving a 45 year sentence in prison.  I shall keep these women in my prayers and wish them health and happiness.

Can you ever really know what someone’s history is and even if you insist on getting tested and using protection the risks are so high that I wonder what kind of sex life will be available to our children and by children of course I mean it will be 10 years before my son even thinks about it and by 10 years of course I mean I am in total denial about my son and his ever having sex.

If I were to really think about internet dating and list out all the horror stories I have heard and add my own to that list I don’t think I could go out on another date with anyone I met online as I would just be too scared.  To be honest it’s not even just about meeting them online because dating in general is so scary that some days it hardly seems worth it.

I’m not sure what other options are available to meet single people and more importantly ways for women to meet single men who are interested in having relationships not just “hooking up”.  I think that sex is a great thing and really important in a relationship but it’s the one thing that can ruin everything and there is no taking it back once you cross the line.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed that I am single at this stage of my life but if my choices were to be in an unhappy marriage or having to be on the dating hell train I would take the train but with that said maybe what I need to do is get off the train and just start walking because when you focus on getting somewhere quickly you can take a bad turn and end up in the wrong place.

I’m going to have to check with my good friend TIVO before I make plans to spend some time with Oprah again.  Nothing can ruin an afternoon like a joy sucker.  I shall navigate carefully, be thankful that I have an open relationship with my son where he can talk about sex and ask questions and pray that he makes the right decisions for himself and his partner. In 10 years.

I never would have pegged Oprah as a party pooper but she is.  She took my lovely afternoon at home and sucked all the joy right out of it. On Monday night I was hopeful and knew that love was attainable and then by 3:05 on Tuesday I was slapped in the face by reality and by reality I mean I seriously need to get a couple of cats, buy some batteries and call it a day.

I am reading a book about how to properly date online so I will report back next week on what I learned.  My fingers are crossed because at this point I am not too proud to say I need help.  It might be time for a new plan and by a new plan of course I mean that finding a Beshert might require more than just keeping the faith.

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October 20, 2009 | 2:28 pm

Past and Future

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I got a look into the past and a glimpse of the future and experiences like that don’t come along very often.  It was eye opening and I got up this morning determined to make some changes and by make some changes of course I mean I need to not get anymore cats.

The AMPAS is hosting a series featuring the short subject and feature documentaries that won Oscars and last night spotlighted the films of 1998.  “The Personals:  Improvisations on Romance in the Golden Years” and “The Last Days” are brilliant films and I was happy to be there to see them with my son.

The Last Days tells the stores of five Holocaust survivors from Hungary.  I worked for the Shoah Foundation when this film was released and I spent a lot of time with the filmmakers and featured survivors.  It altered my worldview, changed the type of mother that I wanted to be and made me a more aware Jew.

My son saw it for the first time and when it was over he said he understood me better. He then took the program from the evening and had Renee Firestone, a holocaust survivor and educator who is in the film, autograph it for him.  He has known Renee for his entire life but it was as if he were meeting her for the first time.

Seeing The Last Days was a look into not only my professional past, but also the history of my tribe.  It’s been an interesting week of responses to my blog and I’ve been attacked for my desire to marry a Jew and wanting the same for my child.  This film showed me I don’t need to defend or justify my choices to anyone.

The Personals is about a group of senior citizens in New York City who are part of a theater group at a Jewish Community Center.  They talk about dating and finding love when you are in your golden years and it made me laugh and cry.  I saw myself in the movie 40 years into the future.

In one scene there is a lady in her apartment with her cat talking about how lonely she is.  I looked at her, looked at my son, he looked at her, looked at me and we both burst into laughter and by laughter of course I mean I wanted to pull out my hair.  She even looked a bit like me.

I often say how hard it is to meet people when you are in your 40’s but it would appear to be much harder when you are in your 70’s.  What was so interesting is that listening to these elderly women was like eavesdropping in on a conversation between my friends and me right now.

At one point a 77 year old woman talks about a date she had and I swear that I met the exact same guy on JDate and we went out last week!  Dating and sex has not really changed at all over the years. Women want love and men want to score no matter what their age is.

I recommend both of these films.  One is a look at a painful history through the eyes of people who were there and brave enough to share and one is a look at love and dating through the eyes of people who are in their golden years, want to be in love again and fear being alone.

Nobody should ever die because of his or her faith, race or sexual orientation and nobody should have to die alone.  There is someone for everyone and in some cases there are many people for someone and love can be found again after it has been lost. 

I’m sitting on my couch, with my cat, in my pajamas writing my blog and actually have no desire to pull my hair out.  Meeting my Beshert is going to happen.  It will happen for all of us who are looking for it.  All you need is hope, patience and the ability to keep the faith.

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October 19, 2009 | 12:47 pm

Baby Time

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love babies and think they are glorious.  I spent yesterday afternoon with a wonderful friend and her delicious baby.  This particular child is stunning.  (I’m making spitting sounds here as is required when speaking of the beauty of a baby.)  He should be in the picture business.  He is so well tempered and happy that when I held him I could actually feel my ovaries convulsing and begging me to have another baby.

My ovaries were yelling, “Have another one!” as I watched my friend unpack her car.  There is a stroller, a bag the size of a piece of carry on luggage and her purse.  Then, just when you think you’ve got it all ready to go, you need to grab the baby.  I swear I had forgotten exactly what is involved when you are transporting a baby anywhere.

We went into the restaurant for lunch and the unpacking began.  The high chair, the bottle, the formula, the lunch containers of homemade pasta, meat and vegetables, the toys, the bibs, and the wipes. I held the baby and smooched him as we played while his momma got all situated.  She is a pro.  Nothing threw her off her game and she did it all without skipping a beat in the conversation.  I was in awe of my friend and the baby.

I always thought I would have a lot of kids.  When I was a little girl I was certain I would have 5.  I feel blessed to have my son and be a mother and I would not change a thing.  That said, my son was so young when I left his dad that I have never experienced the joy of raising a child with a loving partner.  Now I’m sure that a lot of my friends, when speaking of their fabulous husbands whom they love, would say that in terms of the baby they are useless. Still, there is a different dynamic to having a useless man in the next room as opposed to having one a few miles away.

As a single woman who is creeping up on 44 it’s sad to come to terms with the fact that I will probably not have another baby.  Even though I was not planning on having another one, the knowledge that I actually won’t is hard.  If I met my Beshert in the next year and then decided to have a baby I would be 45 before I gave birth and that is just not appealing.  For me, the thought of filling out college applications and changing diapers at the same time is just not that sexy.  When my ovaries start yelling at me again I will go visit my friend and her delicious boy until they calm down. 

I’m a fabulous mother.  It is the greatest job I have ever had and one that I excel at.  As much of a rock star mom that I am, I will be an even better Grandma.  My son went from a newborn to his Bar Mitzvah in the blink of an eye so before I know it he will be living across the street with his wife and kids and I will have his babies to take care of and by in the blink of an eye of course I mean it will be at least 20 years before he has a wife and kids.  The best part will be that when there are fits of crying, projectile vomiting and diarrhea I can simply walk them home.

To all the parents God bless you. To those who are taking care of children with special needs you have my admiration and respect.  To those who are pregnant and awaiting the birth of their babies I wish you an easy delivery and healthy babies.  To those who are trying to have babies you are in my prayers and I wish for you all that you wish for yourselves.  Hold onto your dreams, love your kids and keep the faith.

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October 18, 2009 | 1:20 pm

Hitler, Palin & Bardwell

Posted by Ilana Angel

After I posted my blog yesterday “GracieP” wrote to say that I was petty, close-minded, threatened by other women and disgusting while “ExWhyZee” let me know my view that Jews should marry Jews made me an elitist who was focused on only one race of people and therefore exactly like Hitler.

The comments made me laugh and by laugh of course I mean cry.  I’m not sure why I cried.  Maybe it was because I’m tired, coming off of a cold, hormonal, overly sensitive or maybe I was simply blown away by the willingness of two strangers to be so nasty.

I spent over 6 years working at Survivors of the Shoah Visual History Foundation where I watched countless hours of Holocaust testimonies by survivors who talked about what they and their families went through simply because they were Jewish.

When I started at the Shoah Foundation my son was 3 months old and I was a secular Jew.  When I left I was reconnected to my faith and made a heartfelt and informed decision that I would embrace Judaism and teach it to my son in a way that would inspire him to embrace it and be proud.

I have a deep and meaningful relationship with God.  I have walked out of Egypt several times during my lifetime and while I don’t always understand why I am challenged, I am made better with every experience.  That I want to be with a man who shares my faith does not make me evil.

I am lucky to live in a country where I can write freely and not be censored.  I am Jewish, I work for a Jewish newspaper and Keeping the Faith is about finding love with another Jew.  No hidden agendas.  I’m sure there are other writers who write about their search for love within their faith.

I went to a birthday party last night for my friend Dawn.  It was a great party with fabulous friends and at one point our conversation was about JDate, vibrators, single person sex vs. married couple sex and using multiple orgasms as a way to treat insomnia. 

For someone who writes about being single it was a blogging gold mine.  I couldn’t wait to write about it and instead of a super funny column I’m posting this because I felt the need to defend myself.  I would never have heard from anyone if I were a Catholic wanting to marry a Catholic.

To the people who decided to make a personal attack on me you are bullies and I suggest you stop reading my articles because you just don’t get it.  You are welcome to have an opinion and I love it that you feel so deeply about my words that you want to share but there is just no need to be insulting.

At the end of the day I love my son and he loves me back.  I love being Jewish and am embraced by my faith.  I love Mike Fleiss and he got in touch!  I’m not mad at these people and would simply say that perhaps they have misunderstood my passion as some kind of fanaticism. 

I’m going to marry a Jew and guess what else?  I believe gay people and inter-racial couples should be able to marry and I hope that when my son is old enough to get married everyone will share the same rights.  I am not Hitler, Palin or Mr. Bardwell.  I’m just a writer.

I’m sorry if I offended anyone.  It is not my intention. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend and to those who have compared me to everyone from Palin to Hitler, God Bless you.  To the people who take the time to read my blog and actually get it, thanks for keeping the faith.

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October 17, 2009 | 12:13 pm

Nice Jewish Guy

Posted by Ilana Angel

I think Jewish men are sexy.  Separate from my physical type I am attracted to a man who shares the same faith, cultural background and traditions that I do.  I can seriously be looking at a super handsome man and he can think I am the sexiest woman ever but if he is not Jewish then the bubble bursts and he is not as attractive.

I don’t know when this became so important to me.  It’s always been my thing to date Jews but the exact moment that it became a deal breaker is something I just don’t remember.  Physical attraction is super important and I believe in chemistry but men become sexier to me when they are Jewish.

My “type” is hard to find in a Jew.  I like Harley riding, head shaving men with tattoos who are tall, solid and have a wicked sense of humor.  If they look like they just got out of prison then that’s the guy I dig.  It’s difficult to find that look in a Jew but I have managed to come across him on occasion.

Now if he is short, menschy, smart, funny and Jewish then he is also my type.  I like the shared history, guilt and family dynamics that we have as a people.  If I meet a man who is not my type physically but he is smart, funny and Jewish then he becomes attractive to me and the more I get to know him the more attractive he becomes.

I think the struggle for Jewish women is that there are not a lot of available Jewish men and we are not the only ones who think they are sexy.  We have to compete with the non-Jewish girls for a limited supply of available stock.  Jewish chicks should have first dibs.  If a Jewish man wants to have a serious relationship then he should have to date 100 Jewish women before he is allowed to date outside the faith. 

Jewish women are stereotyped to be complainers, frigid and loud but Jewish men are stereotyped as rich, smart and funny.  That’s not right and so to even the playing field and have a fair chance we should insist that our fabulous Jewish men date us before they look outside the tribe. 

I recently saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that read “I –heart- Nice Jewish Guys”.  I loved the shirt so I approached her because I wanted one.  She got it online at www.nicejewishguys.net.  She was a very cute girl and I asked her if she was Jewish and she said no.  Whatever.  The fact that she was not Jewish and publicly proclaiming that she loved Jewish men is the subject of another blog.  Important to note that she was not even that cute and I would be willing to bet she cannot make matzah ball soup or find Israel on a map.

This website has the t-shirts but it also has my new favorite thing and something I shall be gifting this holiday season.  It’s a calendar of “Nice Jewish Guys”.  You have got to see it because it’s fabulous.  It’s a brilliant idea and bravo to the creator Adam Cohen who is himself a nice Jewish guy. 

At the end of the day meeting my Beshert is going to take some work.  It’s a jungle out there and I have a lot of competition.  I’m up for the challenge however.  When I get discouraged all I need to do is look at Mr. January on my new calendar and fantasize about the dream that I know can come true as long as I keep the faith.

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October 16, 2009 | 2:21 pm

Dream Come True

Posted by Ilana Angel

Those of you who read my blog daily know that I love Mike Fleiss and by love him of course I mean that I am obsessed with him in a way that could be deemed inappropriate if I were a crazy person.  Mr. Fleiss is the creator of The Bachelor/Bachelorette series on ABC and for someone like me who writes about the search for love this show is pure gold.

I wrote about Mr. Fleiss in the hopes that my blog would somehow get to him and he would reach out to his number one fan and by fan of course I mean reality television crazy person and by crazy person of course I mean someone who has helped make him very rich by watching his shows and insisting everyone else watch them too.

After months of writing and hearing nothing I was starting to think that perhaps he was ignoring me.  Well my darling readers it has happened.  I was sitting at home last night when at 9:23 my phone rang and it was, at last, Mr. Mike Fleiss.  It took about 15 seconds of me telling him to shut up and dropping a couple of F-Bombs before I was able to compose myself and profess my love.

Half an hour later I was sitting in the car he sent for me heading to the set of The Bachelor where they began shooting the new season last night.  Not only did he call but he sent for me and I spent the next 6 hours hanging out with “Mike”.  The only way to properly explain how it felt was to make the most obvious comparison.  It was as if, depending on your age, I were meeting The Beatles, David Cassidy or the Jonas Brothers.

The women they have selected for this season are fascinating.  They are all gorgeous and all need to eat a sandwich. If that’s the competition then all the rest of us should cover our furniture in plastic and get four cats.  I picked out my two top choices, met three women who will become reality television train wrecks and saw some dresses that were so interesting I had to look away before I went blind. 

When the last installment ended I was not really feeling Jake as the new bachelor.  I was pulling for Reid the cute Jewish guy but after seeing Jake last night I know he is going to be great.  He is charming and boyish and has a Tom Cruise vibe.  I can never wrap my head around how pathetic the poor girls are who say they are in love after meeting the Bachelor for 5 minutes but the truth is it only took me 2 minutes to fall in love with Jake. 

Chris Harrison is fabulous.  I thought he would be jaded after so many years of hosting this show but he is a real romantic who is protective of the contestants and the process.  He believes in love, believes in the show and sincerely cares about the people who come looking for love in such a public and unnatural way.  You can bet I will be watching ABC every Monday night come January and my Tuesday blogs will be dedicated to The Bachelor.

It was nice to meet Ed and Jillian and see them so happy.  Thank you to my dear friends Jeff and Michelle who are inspirations that love can be found if you believe and thanks to my darling Mike Fleiss for being so lovely.  You are hilarious and a real mensch and I knew you would call eventually.  It was only a matter of time before you realized that your time was better spent just giving in to our love instead of filing a restraining order.  Love conquers all when you keep the faith.

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