Posted by Ilana Angel
Dating is a drag. It takes so much time and effort to meet someone, decide if you want to go out with them, decide if it should be a coffee, drink, dinner or a walk, finding something to wear, meet at a place or be picked up and then when it finally all gets sorted out you realize that you are going to meet a complete stranger and hope that he is safe, kind and honest.
It really is horrible and yet I continue to do it and the more disappointed a date is the more I am determined to not give up or be broken by a series of men who are not worthy and by not worthy of course I mean that they should be ashamed of themselves for being so dishonest. For some reason my last few dates have been with the type of men that make me think I should get another cat and call it a day.
I’m trying to figure out how it is possible that I don’t give up and a different type of woman would have surrendered already and I know many who have. But not me! Men say they are single when they are married, divorced when they are separated, tall when they are short, funny when they are not and say they are looking for a relationship and by relationship of course they mean they are looking for a really meaningful 45 minutes.
The best time in the course of dating is the pre-date because you have not met in person and there is a freedom and safety that comes with the phone where you can talk and share and get a sense of a person and by sense of that person of course I mean you get what they give you but it’s almost old fashioned in the simplicity and you can convince yourself that you can believe what they tell you in a small window of time where the possibilities are endless.
Last night I spent a long time talking to a man I met on JDate and I had such a nice time. He was charming and made me laugh and it was a discussion that was more meaningful than it would have been at a Starbucks or over a drink because the phone removes some nerves and by nerves I mean that I am my most comfortable sitting on my couch talking freely.
This gentleman and I are having dinner on Thursday night which means that for the next 4 days I can be excited about the possibilities that I might have a nice date with a nice man. This will be a great 4 days that will, based on my recent history, be the best part of the date. Or maybe, just maybe he is lovely and we will have a nice time.
Pre-dating is a time to be optimistic that you will have a great date and whether it is or isn’t, it is a reminder to keep the faith.
12.19.13 at 2:57 am | My son has a free schlepping service.
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (460)
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played. (401)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (265)
November 1, 2009 | 11:37 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
It’s been several years since I watched the Disney classic Pinocchio and so it’s hard to remember exactly what he looks like but I’m almost certain that he and I went on a date this week. The poor little fellow just could not control himself and by the end of the night his nose was so big I offered to drop him off at Cedars for some much-needed medical attention.
Lying is a fascinating thing and watching someone do it when you know and they know they are lying is entertaining beyond measure. My son has never been much of a liar and when he does occasionally tell a lie it is so obvious that it’s sometimes hard for me not to laugh. I can see the wheels in his head spinning and when he lands the big punch he is so surprised by what he just said that the shock registers on his face and it’s all over.
There are different types of lying and some are actually good. If you withhold information from someone because it may hurt them it’s a lie but when done with loving intentions it can be okay and women have that form of lying mastered because we protect each other and our friends and family and so even though it’s a lie it can be good and by good of course I mean that lying is never really good but sometimes necessary.
The most fascinating lie is the dating lie. It’s the kind of lie that you can never take back or undo. When you tell someone you are 5’10” and are really 5’7” there is no going back. When you tell someone you are divorced and then tell them you need to cancel dinner because you have a meeting about your divorce there is no going back. When you tell someone you just bought a new car then have your mom call and say she needs her car back there is no going back.
I will never fully understand the dating lie. It seems like an area of life that one should try to be honest about because if you lie and then discover that you really like that person there is no going back because you have now established yourself as a liar and as Maya Angelou says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
If you are reading this Pinocchio don’t call me because my phone was stolen by aliens when I was abducted last night and I have moved to Alaska to become a fisherman and I’m really a man and I’m married and pregnant and going in for surgery tomorrow so I can enter the witness protection program. I’m sure you understand. Best of luck and while I don’t think it will help, keep the faith.
October 31, 2009 | 12:26 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Here is a recap of my week. Full articles are available at www.jewishjournal.com/keepingthefatih.
1. If Aaron Carter does not get booted off of Dancing With the Stars this week I am going to have to stick my hand down my throat and remove my own kidney. Seriously. Enough. Go home Aaron and as a gift to those of us who have had to watch you for so long you should cry like a baby when you go. Thanks.
2. My son went to a party this week that ended when the police were called in. I can honestly remember when he was a baby and his bum could fit into the palm of my hand and now he is taller than me and going to huge parties. I don’t l know how it happened so fast but I do know that I love this child more every single day of his life and while I’m scared of the changes I welcome the adventure.
3. I’m still on JDate and there is nothing more to say about that.
4. I went to a funeral for the lovely Bill Basch who was a survivor of the Holocaust and was reminded that we must never forget this horrible chapter in the history of the world, Jews and all who were persecuted. I encourage you to visit the USC Shoah Foundation institute at www.college.usc.edu/vhi where you can learn, donate and remember.
5. There was a shooting at Adat Yeshurun Temple in North Hollywood this week and they are still looking for the shooter. This just breaks my heart and makes me fearful for our children that this is the world in which we live. God Bless those who were injured. God Bless us all.
6. On a lighter note I learned this week that there are hundreds of condom choices and the correct amount of time to invest in condom shopping is at least 25 minutes.
7. I went on two dates this week with “Brad” from JDate. He is funny and charming and we have a really great connection and I like him a lot but he has young children, has been divorced for 5 minutes and is at a different place in his life than I am in mine and it begs the question if you make a list of things that you want and you meet someone who has a about 50% of those things do you invest and see if it can work or do you stick with what you know you want and move on?
It has been an interesting week. I’m dealing with the growing pains of my teenager, growing pains of my dating life, and growing pains of my @$$ because I was so busy this week I didn’t work out everyday. I hope next week is different. Not better, just different. Shabbat Shalom and keep the faith.
October 30, 2009 | 1:23 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
When was the last time you spent 20 minutes shopping for one thing? A couch? A car? A present? For me it was a pair of shoes. I wanted gorgeous chocolate brown high heals for my son’s Bar Mitzvah and it took me about 45 minutes to find the perfect pair and it was worth every minute and every penny. I figure it’s got to be something important if you are going to spend a lot of time looking for it.
Yesterday I was at Rite Aid picking up a prescription for my son’s allergies and there was a line of people waiting and for the record the Rite Aid at Coldwater and Fulton always has a line and the people who work there are never smiling but I go there even though it’s annoying because it is close to home and there is a Starbucks next door so if I get a cup of tea before I go in it is a little less painful.
So I’m waiting in line looking around and see that next to the register is a shelf of condoms and I never noticed how many different types of condoms there are but let me tell you something, there are a lot. I’m looking at the selection and frankly amazed at all the options when a man walks up and starts to study the choices but it was weird because he was not picking up the boxes just reading the front of the packages and he was really focused occasionally crouching down and then standing up and scratching his head.
I was in line for 15 minutes and he was looking at condoms the entire time and I was fascinated and wanted to ask him what he was thinking, what the big decision was or if he needed any help then I got to the front of the line and was disappointed because I wanted to know how long he would stay there and what he would buy so I waited a few minutes to see if he bought anything but he was still just looking and thinking.
Good for him that he is practicing safe sex, or perhaps just dreaming about the day he can practice safe sex. It’s a curious thing to spend over 20 minutes looking at condoms and by curious of course I mean odd. The amount of choices I imagine would require some time and consideration but if it were me I might do my research online and then sweep in for the purchase.
To the interesting and conscientious man who spent so much time researching condoms I wish you well, commend your dedication to making sure you get the perfect item and remind you that when you utilize your purchase, keep the faith.
October 29, 2009 | 1:30 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
May God Bless and keep close all those involved in the shooting this morning at Adat Yeshurun in North Hollywood. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you and the Jewish community as a whole.
October 28, 2009 | 1:01 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am going to a funeral today and rather than blog about the struggles of my single life I would like to tell you about my friend William Basch who passed away this week at the age of 82. Bill was a Holocaust survivor who was featured in the documentary ‘The Last Days’ and I was blessed to know him.
Bill was in the Buchenwald and Dachau concentration camps in Germany and helped save Jews while working in the underground resistance movement in Hungary. In speaking of the Holocaust Bill said, “In order to survive, we must accept the responsibility of being our brothers’ and sisters’ keeper. Each one of us must do our share of improving our society one day at a time. We all have the ability to defeat evil in our own way.”
I travelled the world with Bill and the other featured survivors from the film ‘The Last Days’ and I remember when we were screening the film in Washington, DC, we were getting ready to leave and I noticed there was a film poster left in the corner and Bill said we should take it with us. My son was about 6 years old at the time and a fixture around the Shoah Foudation.
Bill pulled out a pen and wrote a message on the poster to my son and signed it. He then made sure that all the survivors from the film signed it with a message to my boy. He said that one day they would be gone and my son would have the poster and know that they were all here and survived and he would have the power share their stories because he knew them.
I treasure the poster as does my son and it is incomprehensible to me that when the Nazi’s marched into Hungary Bill was the same age my son is now. Bill Basch was a funny, kind and thoughtful gentleman and I will remember him always and hold him in my heart.
It is a clear and beautiful day in Los Angeles and fitting to lay this wonderful man to rest on such a day. Take a moment today to remember the history of our Jewish family. I wish you peace and health and remind you to keep the faith.
October 27, 2009 | 9:36 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
There are days when I think I am actually getting better at understanding how men think and therefore one step closer to meeting my Beshert but then something happens that blows that theory right out of the water and even though I take two steps forward I end up getting pushed four steps back and so in the end it’s better to take your time with baby steps because even though it may take longer to get where you’re going the setbacks will be smaller.
I decided I was going to be brave and write someone on JDate so I took an hour out of my life, did a search and sorted through the masses to find someone intriguing and yes I rejoined JDate after I said I never would but don’t judge because it’s a necessary evil and by evil of course I mean that it can work and if I give up I could be quitting just before I’m about to meet a great guy and I’m trying so you need to be supportive and by you I mean those who are rolling their eyes wondering why I put myself back on the hell train.
So I find someone I think is interesting and send him a note. He is divorced with kids, lives in Santa Monica, handsome, tall, looks like he’s in his early 40’s though he says he is 53 and he wrote about his kids in a way that was charming and kind. He really did appear to be a good guy so I send the note and he writes back right away to tell me that he is going out of town for 2 days and can we chat when he gets back. I wish him safe travels and plan on talking to him when he gets home.
Then last night I’m on JDate reading an email when I see that someone is trying to IM me and even though the name of the person looking at me is the name of the guy I wrote the day before the picture is not of the same guy. I look closely and realize that it is in fact the same guy only he has aged about 20 years and even better than that, upon closer investigation it would appear that he is now 2 inches shorter and has lost most of his hair.
I figure he posted a picture and got some attention then panicked that he was presenting himself as someone he wasn’t anymore but forgot that people already saw his old profile and even though he thought better of it and came clean he now just looks creepy and I feel duped. I can totally understand the panic in putting yourself online and I get that there is stress with picking a photo and writing about yourself but I will never understand the lying because the truth always comes out in the end and isn’t it better to be a little shorter, balder and older than a liar?
I know these issues are not specific to JDate it just seems worse to find them there because I would expect Jews to behave decently and perhaps that’s naive and silly because we are all just people and human nature is the same but there is a certain expectation and therefore disappointment in it being a Jewish site because it just does not have to be that way and I would hope that Jewish men would be the exception to the rule which is silly because I only date Jewish men and here I am dealing with this and to be fair women do the exact same thing.
I wish my old, short, bald, lying new friend success with his search for love and I will go back to the drawing board because sometimes you just need to wipe the slate clean and start over and even though starting over can be daunting if you focus on the big picture you can laugh at the setbacks and take a baby step forward while keeping the faith.
October 26, 2009 | 12:47 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Recycled man called to say hello and that he was sorry he had been out of touch and that he’d like to talk to me. Te recap, we went out on 1 date 5 years ago then he recently found me on JDate and we went out on a couple of dates. He was funny and lovely and we had a great date then I never heard from him again until now 3 weeks later. Is he kidding me? It only takes a minute to call and say you are busy or something is going on in your life. You can’t call 3 weeks later as if you had spoken yesterday. I should have known better than to go out with someone who voted for Bush. Twice!
I got a call last week from the girlfriend of “Richard” to let me know that she forgave him and they were living together and were going to get married. I seriously think this chick is a loon and the weirdest part is that I found myself feeling sorry for Richard. This is a nice guy who got off track due to some personal setbacks and I will never understand how a man can go online and meet a woman and date her while he has a girlfriend. To recap, I was the one he dated and I found out he had a girlfriend when she called me after seeing my number so many times on his cell phone bill. I hope Richard takes care of himself. She forgave him for cheating but he needs to forgive himself and move on. I never condone cheating and I still feel sick that I contributed to this woman’s pain but she is crazy and I think this is not a normal cheating situation. I wish Richard and Crazy well and I thank God that I never crossed a line there. It’s good to be a lady.
Mr. Israel has vanished. To recap, we talked on the phone for a couple of weeks because my mom was visiting and went on one date before he was leaving for Israel to visit his family for the holidays and we left it with our going out when he came back and I never heard from him again. It was never going to be a love connection but it was a nice date and we enjoyed each other’s company and for him to vanish is just flakey and a reflection of him not me.
I met all three of these men on JDate. Interesting. I think it’s time for a change and I’m not sure what the change is because I honestly think JDate can work I just have not figured out how to make it work for me. I’m going to think this one over and get back to you. In terms of JDate it may require more than just my keeping the faith.