Posted by Ilana Angel
I never like it when men ask me why I am single, yet I recently asked a man that very question. It is an odd question and should never be asked, except when discussing your love life with a therapist. There are only two ways to answer it, and both ways are never going to be good. If you lie, which the question begs you to do, you will forever be a liar, and if you tell the truth, you will be complicated, with just a dash of red flag thrown in.
It is an interesting question to be sure, but how many people can answer it honestly? I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Why am I single? Why are my single friends single? How many of my married friends would be happier if they were single? How many of my single friends are actually happy being single? I don’t like being single. I am not only happiest when in a relationship, but great at being in one, so why am I single? I truly thought my single days were over, but here I am. Again.
If I were going to lie, I would say I am single because I have not met the right man. A blatant lie. I have met the right man, probably more than once, and for reasons I could not control, it did not work out. You can’t make someone love you, and you can’t ignore red flags forever. Love is everything, but it is not enough to sustain a relationship. You don’t need to want the exact same things, but you must be headed in the same direction.
I want love and all the things that come with it. I find that at 47 years old I am more willing to compromise, but less willing to settle. I want a relationship that brings the things I don’t have when I am alone. I like being alone, but I don’t want to be lonely. As my son prepares to leave home and pursue his own dreams, I want to share the rest of my life with a wonderful man. A man who wants to share his life in a meaningful way.
I am not single because I have not found a great man. I am single because when push comes to shove, I want it all, and will not settle on a pretty good relationship, when I can find a pretty great one. I want a man who makes me laugh, teaches me things, makes me feel safe, enjoys sex, is not intimidated by intimacy, is not afraid to be vulnerable, and would rather spend his time with me, than not. It’s not that difficult, it is just love.
Why am I single? I truly have no idea. I am smart, talented, pretty, funny, caring, sexy, supportive, and have the ability to not only count my blessings, but see blessings where others may not. I am low maintenance, but also a little complicated. I have many layers of joy and sorrow in my history and when you dig through them it can be exhausting, but also wonderful. It takes a wise man to get me, and wise is hard to find.
There are a lot of available men, and I have my fair share of interested ones. It is not hard to get a date, it is however, in my opinion, hard to get to a second date. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, especially my own. I can tell in about a minute if there is going to be a connection, and it is not about a physical attraction as much as it is an unexplainable connection that makes me flutter, think, hope, relax, and not want to vomit.
When you start dating after a break up there are inevitable comparisons to who you broke up with and it can be challenging. If they broke up with you, it can be quite scary. When you still love that person, it can be strange, but if you are honest with yourself about what you want love to be for you, the comparisons become encouraging rather than debilitating. There is no right answer to the question why am I single?, so don’t ask it.
People always say everything will be okay in the end, so if things are not okay, it just means it is not the end. There are a lot of questions I don’t know the answer to and if I could get answers handed to me on a silver platter, why am I single?, would not be on the list of questions to be submitted for an answer. I don’t know why I am single, and I don’t know how long I will be single. I do know that everything will be okay if I focus on keeping the faith.
5.24.13 at 7:07 am | Burning myself has shown me I am burning out.
5.23.13 at 3:17 pm | Dating, divorce, death, and marriage, all require. . .
5.22.13 at 6:34 am | I am forever touched by this young man.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch. (351)
5.23.13 at 3:17 pm | Dating, divorce, death, and marriage, all require. . . (349)
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (280)
May 5, 2013 | 3:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Blogging about your personal life is an interesting journey. There are days when I think it is the greatest job ever, and others when I want to crawl under a rock and never write another word. In the end it simply is what I do, and the good outweighs the bad, but that does not make it easy everyday. I write about all aspects of my life, and my worldview. The topics vary, and nothing is off limits, which may be a problem.
Writing is very solitary and when one gets in the zone and starts to share their thoughts, you can forget that anyone else is going to read it. When I first started writing it was just me and my family and friends that were reading, yet three years later I am still writing as if it is still just for us. I forget how fast the written word can travel, and how vast, yet small the Internet has made the world. A blog is a powerful tool.
I have had a difficult couple of months in my personal life and it has left me somewhat fragile. I write everything here and have received much needed support, coaching, understanding, and humor from people all over the world. When I get blessings from Israel, hugs from England, concern from New Zealand, and letters from a single mother in Wales who takes strength from my stories, I am lifted up and feel humbled by the love.
When you write about your life people relate to the stories in a way that makes them relate to you. People write to tell me they have experienced the same things as me, and that it helps them feel safe and less alone. I also have many people write to say they do not agree, and their emails can be frightening, but they all provoke conversation and inspire me to write without fear and use my most truthful and heartfelt voice.
Writing about my life makes it fuller. Writing about my dates makes it funnier. Writing about my relationships, makes it challenging. I am going to continue to write about my life as a mother, a Jew, how I see the world, and things happening in it, but I am not going to write about the men that I have a relationship with. I am not a relationship expert, but writing about men in this way is not a topic that makes me feel comfortable.
There are certainly things to be shared, but also things to be kept private. Relationships are hard and require work. It took my experiencing heartache to realize that too much attention is not good. I have been blessed to raise a good man, love great men, and have great men love me. I know in my heart that I will find love again. When I do, I will share that it has been found, but the details will rest safely in my heart, not my blog.
I have made mistakes along the way and lessons have been learned. Blogging when you have a broken heart is cathartic, but perhaps not wise. Meeting someone wonderful when you are not ready is a boost to a fragile ego, but sadly not wise. Reacting quickly is a release, but definitely not wise. The hardest lesson to learn is to be quiet and reflect, not speak. I need to get better at that so I am trying, and keeping the faith.
May 4, 2013 | 7:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
After a week of online dating I feel I must lend a helping hand to the men who are online trying to meet a nice woman. By men of course I mean man, because in the sea of men available online, I imagine that only one in a million is actually looking for something more than a booty call. Do I sound bitter? Well there you go. I am a little bitter I suppose, but bitter is the new black and I am rocking my bitterness in the form of a sense of humor.
There are lovely men online to be sure, the problem is that they are not dating, they are shopping on Amazon or looking up the NFL draft results. Online dating men are an interesting group of people. They will freely tell you you’re beautiful, share what they’d like to do to your body, divulge their phone numbers, emails, and admit that they lie about their age. I’m guessing women dating online have their own shtick, but I’ll focus on men.
As a public service I would like to point out the top five things that men who date online should stop doing. I’m not a dating professional, but I am a woman who dates online, and I know stuff. I know a lot of stuff actually and I am enlightening you from a place of concern. I want everyone to find love and someone to share their lives with. I also want the men who engage in these particular items to stop writing me. Seriously. Please stop.
Important to note that these are listed in no particular order. They are equally offensive and should be corrected as soon as possible. There are a lot of crazy women online, but you will increase your chances of finding one that is relatively “normal”, if you refrain from these things. I must also clarify that finding “normal” online may in fact be an urban myth. It’s all a crap shoot, but at the end of the day at least we’re trying.
1) Don’t say that The Notebook is your favorite movie because we know you are lying. You’re favorite movie is The Godfather, and you are trying to make us think you are romantic and sensitive. It is a great movie, one of my favorites, but it is a chick flick and your saying it is your favorite makes you creepy.
2) Don’t post selfie pictures taken in the bathroom with your shirt off and the toilet in the background. We don’t want to see you without your shirt on in the bathroom with the flash distorting your left nipple. If you don’t have a recent picture of yourself you may have just gotten out of prison.
3) Don’t list your age as 52 if you are really 58. If someone is going to date a man who is 52, you’ve got a good shot that she will jump a few years to 58, but listing yourself as younger, then admitting that you did it in order to make it onto more searches, make you a liar. Date younger women, but own your age.
4) If you live in Virginia, don’t write a woman in Los Angeles and ask her if she’d like to call you, then grab a drink in three months when you visit LA. Translation: You are married, coming to LA on business, and rather than go to the trouble of finding a hooker, you want to line it up to save some time.
5) Do not ever mention your sexual prowess in an online profile, or your initial contact with a woman. While we may want to someday know that you have a “healthy sexual appetite”, or that you want us to help “unleash your beast”, if you mention it too soon, or ever, we will think you are a sexual deviant.
All five of these things come directly from my first week of online dating, and I am left laughing at the men who engaged in this behavior. Online dating is not natural, not fun, not interesting, and not a complete waste of time. Love can be found. It can be found faster of you do not do these five things. Even faster if you drink. Good luck and keep the faith.
May 3, 2013 | 8:09 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I had a date with the Israeli last night. In fact, we actually had 3 dates. We met for a drink. Simple and casual, with a definite connection, so we continued onto dinner and date #2. After four hours together, we were not quite ready to part ways, so we went out for a nightcap, and date #3. Over the course of the evening we decided that he would be referred to in my blogs as “Iron Killer”. It made sense at the moment as it is an inside joke, but this morning, upon reflection, I am going to call him “Iron Man”.
Iron Man is a superhero. A powerful and insanely handsome presence. He was in charge, but allowed me to think I was. He was thoughtful, attentive, and funny. He also did the one thing that I find so sexy and important. When he opened a door and I walked first, he put his hand on the small of my back to guide me through. I have always thought that was a romantic gesture and he did it naturally, which made me flutter. He is very tall and when I stood next to him I felt like a little girl being protected by a giant. He is a superhero, and so you will know him simply as Iron Man.
I met Iron Man a week ago on JDate. Over the course of a week we became acquainted by sharing stories and getting to know each other on the phone. Important to note that he is geographically undesirable. He not only lives in another city, but he lives in anther state. Not ideal, but it’s only an hour flight away so not that dramatic. After a week of talking he flew to Los Angeles to take me out. On one hand it was like a scary Lifetime movie about a killer who finds his victims online, but on the other hand it was romantic, and oddly normal that he would come to see me. He said distance was irrelevent, there was no reason for us not to meet, and he was coming.
Once I saw him, and could match his voice to his face, it was very comfortable. I was a little intimidated by how handsome he was and found myself staring. A lot. He laughs easily and when he does, he gets lines around his eyes that make him look sexy. He has a dimple that makes me swoon, and eyes that seem to mysteriously change between blue and green. I thought he was fabulous on the phone, and while looks are not important in the big scheme of things, attraction matters and I was magnetically attracted to him. My nerves changed from anxious to excited.
Iron Man is his most appealing when he is talking about his three daughters. There is a twinkle in his eyes and when he pulled out his phone to show me pictures of them, I officially had a crush on him. He is 52 years old, but has the soul of a man who has lived for hundreds of years. He is a thinker and shares his knowledge and experiences freely. He is a pleaser with a happy but somewhat intense disposition. He has loved and lost, had joy and sorrow, and you can see it all spinning around in his head. He chooses words carefully and there is meaning in what he says.
I like to learn new things and would always rather be a student than a teacher, and with Iron Man I felt like there was a lot to learn. Not only about him, but about me. He has a calm but complicated worldview that I find fascinating. To hear him speak of Israel is compelling, to hear him speak of politics is interesting, and to hear him speak of himself is mesmerizing. I also felt that not only could I learn a lot from someone like him, he could learn a lot from someone like me. We have begun a friendship and I feel like it is something special.
When we finally ended our night I was sad to see him go. I am flattered he flew in just to see me, and I look forward to seeing him again. It was the perfect first date in that it ended with a second and third date. He is a lovely man. I think his feelings about our time together were the same as mine, but one never knows I suppose. He is heading to Israel soon to visit his children and I hope I will see him before he goes. I woke up today feeling excited about him. Iron Man has been a pleasant surprise and I hope he felt the same way, so I am keeping the faith.
April 30, 2013 | 3:54 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have met a man. He makes me think about things differently, laugh from a place deep within, share with no hesitation, and flutter like a schoolgirl. Our meeting was random and unexpected, yet the friendship we are starting is profound. We don’t have a lot in common, and our paths through life have been very different, but there is a bond that I can only assume comes from the soul. He is my friend, and he matters to me.
I have been stumbling through the past couple of months because I was broken up with, and could not understand why it happened. I mean understand why it happened, so I suppose I simply could not believe it happened. I have been trying to move forward but it is really hard. There is nothing more painful than a broken heart, and I have been paralyzed by it. I wanted to get another cat and embrace the joy of being a spinster.
It is because of my friends that I have been able to stay away from the animal shelter. My childhood friends, adult friends, sister, and Twitter friends have talked me off the ledge and nursed me back to health. There have been flowers, wine, chocolate, hugs, and countless invitations to crawl up on their couches and cry until I feel better. It is through these remarkable friendships that I was able to see a remarkable man.
I was advised to close a door so a window would open, but I was unwilling to close the door on my relationship because I was in shock that after such a close partnership, friendship could not be salvaged. I would try to close the door, but each time I got close I would send a drunken text, or pathetic email, trying to hang on to something with a man who did not want anything. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat you at the end.
I gently and reluctantly closed the door, only to have this new man burst through the window. He is open, aware, enlightened, supportive, and appears to lack the bullshit gene. He is wise, and although not religious, has a Judaic worldview that brings me closer to God, because he makes me talk to God. I take all my questions to God and he has inspired a lot of questions. Questions about myself, and who I want to be in this life.
He has a lot of answers, some of them good, some of them wrong, but all of them fascinating. He has been my friend, father, brother, Rabbi, and inspiration. He has made me believe in myself again. When I talk with him I twirl my hair, have a smile on my face, and allow myself to focus on tomorrow, instead of obsessing over yesterday. I don’t know were this man came from, but I am very happy that he is here. He is wonderful.
He is geographically undesirable, yet completely available. We speak throughout each day and our nights end with conversations that are funny and warm, quiet and important. We are having dinner on Thursday and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope there was attraction between us, but in the end it won’t really matter. This man has meant so much because he reminds me I have value. I feel beautiful when I talk to him.
When he asks for my advice, or shares his stories with me, I feel happy to be in the company of a man. He makes me feel important. He makes me feel safe. He reminds me that what defines a man is his ability to show decency and integrity to a woman. He has been careful with my heart, while not allowing me to hide behind it. He is Israeli, he is a mensch, and although he may have broken English, I understand him perfectly.
Those who don’t know me will think it is odd that I can speak so deeply about a man that I don’t know, but those who do know me, understand that this is who I am. I live with care and passion. I am a woman of faith and hope. When a woman loses her husband of 50 years, or a 16 year old girl breaks up with her boyfriend, the tears are the same. Women feel the same pain and we share the same hopes for love and acceptance.
I have taught my son to respect a woman’s heart and know that it is fragile, but also strong. It is forgiving and kind, yet wrapped up in all kinds of crazy. He is a remarkable young man for having this knowledge, and the women he will love in his life will be blessed. I am honest and open with all of you, and I am not going to stop being that way because I worry about what you will think of me. In the end if you read my columns, you know me, and get it.
The Israeli is aware and supportive of my blog. He is not intimidated by it, and has no fear about being in it. He feels that if this is what I do, and he is in my life, then he is a part of the blog. I think that is sexy. I will let you all know how the date goes. That said, I do not need to wait for the date to share with you that this is a special man, our friendship is important, and hearts can be mended if you open a window, and keep the faith.
April 29, 2013 | 12:01 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
It has been a few weeks since the Englishman decided to not only break up with me, but to no longer be my friend. It has been shocking really, and I cannot stop crying. Not at the loss of love, which is sad, but at the loss of friendship, which it turns out must not have been friendship at all, since he so easily discarded it. I’m a little bitter to be sure, but mostly just hurt my friend turned out to not be a friend. I know we all grieve loss differently, and he is doing his thing, but what he has done now, is ensure we will never be friends again. His actions after the breakup, trump all the good from when we were together, and I still cry most days.
There are no guarantees in relationships, and life goes on. I want to share my life with someone, so dating is in my future. I have set up two dates since my break up, and cancelled both. I have not been ready to move on and actually feel debilitated with fear. My confidence is shaken, self–esteem is fragile, and I am scared. Scared to try again, fail again, and trust again. I understand love is not enough to make a relationship work, but if you have love and it falls apart, then what do you do to move forward? The only way is to look at your lost relationship with clarity, and if you are honest with yourself, you see that love is not enough to make it work.
In the case of the Englishman and me, I really loved him, and have never worked so hard for a relationship to work. I am left broken, having tried to fix what was broken. I can think of a million things I would do differently, but the outcome would be the same. No matter how much I wanted it to be, he was not my Beshert. I am jaded but hopeful. I have no idea when I will find love again, but I know I will, because time will help to heal my broken heart. In fact, I am learning with each day that my heart is not broken, as much as it is wounded. It is that realization that gives me the strength to think outside the box and start to look forward.
I met someone interesting on JDate last week. We have had several phone conversations, some lasting hours. He is Israeli, which we all know is not my thing. When Israeli men say “Tanks God”, I get a lower back pain. Sadly the accent is not sexy because Hebrew is not sexy, but he presents as a really lovely man. He is tall, handsome, funny, and smart. He has a compassionate heart, and when I told him I share my life with all of you, he gave permission, without hesitation, to write whatever I wanted about him. It could be because the poor guy didn’t understand me, or perhaps I didn’t understand him, but permission was granted.
Important to remember that we met on JDate, so statistically it is quite possble he is not tall, or handsome, or lovely. That's the thing about dating online, until you meet the person in person, you never really know who you are dealing with. Additionally, until you run a police report, you never really know who they are. We are having dinner Thursday, and while I am looking forward to it, I am nervous. Not because there are expectations, but because I am scared. I lack trust in myself. I do not trust that I am able to make the right decisions, or know who I am dealing with. It is to be expected with the end of a relationship, but sadly alters how you move forward.
The good news is that the Israeli has made me laugh. I don’t understand half of what he says, which is funny, but beyond the language, he is simply funny. He pokes fun at himself, and at me. He listens and pays attention, circling back to things I said days ago. We are building a friendship, and while scary, gives me a sense of hope. Not hope in him, but hope in myself. Hope I will be okay, pain will fade, disappointment will be replaced with promise, lessons are learned, and knowledge is gained. I am looking forward to meeting this potentially handsome, tall, and green-eyed Israeli. Will I panic and cancel? I hope not, so I’m keeping the faith.
April 23, 2013 | 9:47 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
When my son was thirteen he came to me and announced he was going to leave home for college and attend in another city. He respectfully and adorably informed me I had four years to “find a man to replace him”. If I was not in a relationship when he was off to college, he would go to a local school. He refused to leave me alone, which I thought was lovely.
I remember the conversation very clearly. It was during the week leading up to his Bar Mitzvah. He was becoming a man and felt the need to let me know he was going to take care of me. It was a moment that forever altered the course of our lives. I remember feeling incredibly proud of him for being such a mensch, and instantly panicked that he was such a mensch.
I had raised him on my own and was waiting for a sign I was doing a good job. When he was willing to put aside his dreams to make sure I was not alone, I knew I raised a wonderful human being. I also knew that I needed to start dating immediately. I did not have a lot of time, and dated as if my life depended on it. Thus began the journey that is "Keeping the Faith".
I have had two meaningful relationships in the four years since his Bar Mitzvah. One was important, and one was forever. I thought it was forever. The important one allowed me to open my heart to love. It helped define my life as a Jew and taught me that beyond being a mother, I could be a woman. The second one was Beshert. Even though it ended, it is forever.
My last relationship ended badly, but there are silver linings to be found in life. You may not be able to see my broken heart, but my ass looks fabulous. I have lost weight, and since food is unappealing, I’m taking vitamins so my hair and nails are fabulous. My relationship may have ended, but I am going to love this man forever, and fighting that fact has made me crazy.
I am so focused on being angry and bitter, that I am not allowing myself to be fabulous. I suffer of course because time is being wasted, but the real suffering is by my son. I love this child and he is my whole life, so it has been heartbreaking to have see me be so sad. The most crushing thing as a mother is to have her child see her cry and that she is in pain.
Last night my son held my hand while I cried. It is not his job to comfort me, and it is a crippling feeling to have put my baby in the position of feeling he needs to look after me. This morning however, I woke thinking about our conversation at his Bar Mitzvah, and he has always taken care of me. We are a team, support each other, and share a truly great love.
My son’s dream is to go away to college and he has a very specific focus of study. Pursuing his dreams will require leaving Los Angeles. He knows it, I know it, and we both want it. Last night however, as I cried, he reminded me that he will not leave me. It was so lovely and sweet that I was overcome with guilt because he is not getting the best of me right now.
I have been sad, combative, quiet, and distracted. I have allowed my life to impact his in a stressful way, when my goal has always been to make his life better. It has to stop. I must pick myself up, dust myself off, admire my fabulous ass, and get on with it. I am not going to let anyone make my son worry, especially me. It is time for changes to be made.
I have allowed my life as a woman to overpower my life as a mother and it is not cool. To my remarkable son, I love you honey. You are a wonderful person and an amazing man. I am proud to be your mother and proud to call you my friend. You make me a better person and I want to thank you for taking such great care of your Momma. I am ok, and we are okay.
You are going to go away to college and my greatest joy in life will be in watching your dreams come true. You are going to change the world and I can’t wait to see it happen. Nothing is going to keep you from your dreams, and the good news is that it turns out I actually had five years to find love because you have another year until you leave for college.
The reality is that I don’t need to find love, because I have love. I don’t need a man to complete me, because being a mother is what completes me. If I find love in the next year it will be wonderful, as I would like to share my life with someone. If I don’t that will be okay too because my life is blessed, and exciting things are on the horizon for my future.
I am going to start over and go into the hell that is online dating with realistic expectations about the process. I am certain I will kiss some frogs, meet some freaks, encounter a convicted felon or two, meet men who lie about their height, are too old to remember their age, and always be one cat away from not having a shot in hell of meeting a good man.
I will date with hope, not desperation. I will focus on peace, not anger. I will strive for forgiveness, not linger in bitterness. I will be a great mother and a strong woman. I will do it all, because I have it all. Yesterday someone posted this video on Facebook and I have watched it at least a dozen times. This woman makes me so happy I can hardly stand it.
I think she is just wonderful and I wish I could tell her this video has made me happy. I watch it, dance along with her, and feel pure joy. I want to thank her for reminding me that sometimes you just have to dance. Tonight I am going to make my son’s favorite dinner and when he gets home, we are going to dance around, laugh, and keep the faith.
April 20, 2013 | 4:19 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Is it too much to ask that people be decent when dating? If you are looking to get laid, looking for love, or not even sure what you are looking for, why can’t you just be decent? Why is it so hard to take the feelings of others into consideration when dating? I truly just don’t get people. I respond to everyone who writes me when I’m online dating. I know it takes courage to put yourself out there, so even if I am not interested, I will thank them for the interest and wish them luck. It is not brain surgery, just common decency. I am annoyed by it all.
Last night I came home after a very long day, cancelled my plans with friends and opted to just relax and not do anything. I had a nice bath, put on my favorite pajamas, and watched Bridget Jones’s Diary. Perfect. I made some popcorn, gathered up the cat, and opened a bottle of wine. Well that was my first mistake. Before I was even aware of what was happening, I texted the Englishman. Some drunken rant about how much I miss him. Dear Lord. It was sent about 9:00 pm and I truly have no recollection of sending it. Damn you Francis Ford Coppola.
So I sent a text. Not cool. Also not cool that he never responded. I was obviously blabbering and in distress, but nothing. No “Are you okay?” “Are you safe?” Nothing. This man, who I loved for over a year, and built a life with, did not bother to check in and make sure I was fine. One could argue that we are broken up and he owes me nothing, but I disagree. What he owes me, is decency. I loved him and his children, and allowed him to love me and my child, so while he has moved on from it all, he does actually owe me, at the very least, some common decency.
It would have been nice if he had checked on me. He reads my blog and knows what is going on with me, but I don’t know what is going on with him. That is weird, and hurtful. He gets to break my heart, then watch it go back and forth between healing and cracking more, but I get nothing, which is hard. Why so selfish? By selfish of course I mean dumb. He continues to hurt me, so I’m the dumb one. In an attempt to move on, I wrote a man on JDate and explained he was my first email and should write me back so I was not scarred by the entire experience.
We actually ended up writing several times. He was funny, along with being handsome. We chatted online late one night as he was on a business trip. I gave him my number and told him to call when he got back to LA. That was it. I never heard from him again. It’s now been a week. It would have taken a minute to write and tell me he was not interested. There are a million things one can say to get rid of a girl, the easiest being the truth. I’m just not that into you. Instead he opted to ignore me, which, as silly as it sounds, hurts my feelings.
I was decent and he could have been decent. It is not a big deal if he does not want to continue talking, but it is a big deal if he thinks blowing someone off is ok. We know what each other looks like, and we know the basics, so are we strangers? Men are driving me to drink. Normally that would be fun, but now I seem to be drinking and texting, which is a very bad combination. Note to self. No more texting when drinking, and no apology texts in the morning, blaming the wine. Yes. I actually did that too. I need to read Brandi Glanville’s book again!
This morning I was surprised when shown not all men are douchebags. Well they may be, but some are also decent. I got an email from a man who is 38 years old. He wrote a beautiful note, and while I was flattered, I don’t date men who are younger or not Jewish. I let him know I appreciated the interest and wished him well. He wrote to say my reply was odd since I wrote in my profile I date men as young as 38. It was obvious my sister had been looking around for me and changed my age range. God bless her for trying to think outside the box
I called my sister to let her know I was onto her, changed the ages to be correct, then wrote him back and let him know my sister was out of control. He wrote and asked what exactly I was looking for. I told him I was not really looking as much as I was healing a broken heart, and just trying it out more for my sister than me. This man, this stranger, then wrote me the kindest of notes. He decided, when given the opportunity to blow me off, that he would be decent. The Jewish men I met could not do what this Italian was able to do. He was a real mensch.
His note read in part: “I got an idea... why don't you come to the park tomorrow, we can walk my dog. Sounds like you need a good hug.” He will never know how much it meant to me that he was kind. To this lovely man, thank you for being decent. The minute it took you to be nice will stay with me forever. To the man who blew me off after I gave him my number, I wish you well on your search for love, and decency. As for the Englishman, I’ve got nothing for you. To those who are dating, remember that people have taken a giant leap and a little respect is deserved.
I am fine, putting myself out there, and the truth is that some days are better than others. They say time heals so I hope slow and steady wins this race. Some lucky girl will find my new Italian hero and he will make her happy. Someone will not be decent to the douchebags, and maybe it will help them behave better. As for me, I have finally deleted the Englishman’s phone number and email from my phone so I can’t text during my next drunken stupor. We all know I’ll have another one, maybe tonight, so I’m protecting myself, and keeping the faith.
I heard from all three of these men today. I was not surprised really because I am one who thinks that while you may need to help them along on the path to decency, people are inherently kind. I was not even surprised by what they all said. They made me laugh, think, and in the end, move on. It is fascinaing that sometimes you can get hit in the head with a brick and not snap out of something, yet other times a subtle and seemingly nothing exchange, can be the thing to knock some sense into you. That is the case here.
The Italian wrote to thank me for the blog, and say the offer of a hug is always there. The JDater wrote a very well written email to let me know that while he could have been more decent, it is not always about me, and his not writing was not about me, as much as life happening and me not being on the top of his list of things to do. It was not harsh, but rather honest, hilarious, and 100% correct. Poor guy got caught up in the emotions of my crap, without even knowing it. It's a shame I blew that one, but live and learn.
The Englishman also got in touch. He opted to text me, which is hilarious. He apologized for not responding to my drunk text, or my apology for the drunk text. After the relationship we had, I was still not worth a call, just a text. It took this text to show me I am over him. He is not who I thought he was. I suppose I put blinders on to what I did not want to see about him, and focused only on the fairytale. I thought he was Prince Charming, but in the end he was the villain and my romantic heart betrayed me.
I am done humilating myself and certainly done with crying over a man that was not worthy of my heart. I met an interesting man at a party yesterday who said some enlightening things about life, love, and God. My life is blessed, my heart is capable of great love, and God is on my side. Time for a fresh start. No more blogs about the Englishman. It is over, I am fine, and love is in my furture. I want it, need it, deserve it, and confident that next time I will see things clearly, so I am keeping the faith.