December 21, 2009 | 3:59 pm

Tiger Woods - Part 2

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Last Friday I blogged that I think Tiger Woods is a pig and it generated more feedback than anything I have ever written for the Jewish Journal.  People were quick to share their opinions that I had no right to have an opinion.  Some were abrasive and rude, some were kind and concerned and others were just ridiculous.

I still think Tiger Woods is a pig.  I am willing to say however, that my opinion is based on gossip and at the end of the day it’s really none of our business.  To clarify though, I write a blog about being single and looking for love and when someone cheats, admits it, and a marriage is seemingly broken, it makes sense that a blog like mine would comment on it.

You can see the complete comments under the original blog but here are some things that were written to me:

- Who are you to judge someone else’s marriage?
- You are in no way ready to find your Beshert
- Do you know for sure he slept with a lot of women? 
- Do you know for sure they didn’t have an open marriage?
- Why do they call private life private again?
- I can’t see a reason why his marriage is any concern to you or me.
- Millions of others get away with it just because they can’t play golf.
- Why you wasted space with this trite loshon hora is beyond me.
- I’m so tired of hearing whiny women complain what a pig Tiger.
- There are always three sides to a story - his, hers and the truth.

These are all valid points but not because they are true.  They are valid because they are someone’s opinion and all opinions have value and everyone is entitled to not only have one but also share it.  I find it fascinating that people were offended that I wrote my opinion, yet used my blog to share their opinion, which is odd since they felt I should not have an opinion at all.

I’m not sure why people took such offence to what I wrote.  Could it be they just think it’s none of my business?  Could it be that some have experienced infidelity, were forgiven, and don’t want it labeled as a deal breaker?  Could it be that some could have been mistresses or had affairs with married men and feel it was okay?  I will never know the reasons people were so offended by what I wrote and I guess that is none of my business either.

At the end of the day I’m going to continue to write my opinions about things that interest me.  I am also going to write them knowing that it is only my opinion and my right to express myself is also afforded to those who read my blog and they are welcome to share their opinions with me. 

I appreciate the dialogue the article generated, apologize to those I offended, and respect your right to disagree with me.  We are never all going to agree on everything but the exchanging of thoughts and opinions was really wonderful and eye opening for me.  I am looking at the whole thing from a new perspective and that has allowed me to learn and grow.

One writer sent me this quote that was posted by one of her friends on Facebook.  They wrote:  “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”.  It is a great way to look at love and a lesson that I am only now learning.

I am sending my sincere best wishes and good luck to Tiger Woods and his family. They will be able to figure out all their crap with one less blogger writing about it.  By one less blogger of course I mean there must be a blogger out there who will no longer be writing about them. 

Have a great week everyone and remember to keep the faith.

December 18, 2009 | 3:41 pm

Tiger Woods is a Pig

Posted by Ilana Angel

I would be willing to bet that Elin, wife of Tiger, thought he was her Beshert.  She is young and beautiful, met a successful and charming man, got married, had 2 beautiful babies and all the while he was having unprotected sex with a bunch of women.  Tiger Woods is a PIG and Elin needs to get out and take everything with her and by everything of course I mean EVERY THING.  She should take the toilet paper as far as I’m concerned.

I get annoyed with the “ladies” who say they thought they were the only one because a lady would never sleep with a man she knew was married and to clarify, I am not annoyed with the women for thinking they were the only affair, I am annoyed with Tiger for being such a lying pig.  I believe them when they say they thought it was just them and I also believe that this is a seriously stupid group of women.

Perhaps if women did not hold on to the concept of a Beshert, when things fall apart we would be able to handle the loss better.  If we keep expectations low,  the fall will not be as painful as it would be if we were plummeting from the pedestals and unrealistic fairytales we create in our minds.

I had a job interview yesterday with a lovely woman for a consulting gig.  We had a good meeting and when we were done she introduced me to her boss.  I sat with the two of them for a few minutes and chatted about the job and I’m not sure how we got off topic but I ended up staying there for 2 hours as we talked about men, dating, love and the search for a Beshert.

I don’t think I have ever been on a job interview where I wanted to hug the person I was being interviewed by when I left, but this woman was very open and honest and I just loved her.  We talked about finding love and losing love and the question that came up was: At what age, or point in your life, do you let go of finding your Beshert and focus more on finding a man who loves you?

There is nothing perfect in life.  Our jobs, families and friendships all require compromise and have moments of pain and difficulty so why do we search for the “perfect” man when perfect does not exist anywhere else?  Why can’t a “really good“  man be the goal?

It is beyond crushing when you find the man you believe is your Beshert and then discover you are not his.  I have been through it and I don’t think you ever get over it.  There is a part of your heart that will always be broken and a small piece of your subconscious will never allow you to be completely free and in love again because trust is lost.  Not trust in men, but trust in yourself.

I am 43 year old, have a full and wonderful life and I want to share it with a man.  After spending the last year searching for my Beshert, has the time come to give up on finding my soul mate and focus on finding a nice man to share my life with? Is there even a difference?  If I compromise on the things I think my Beshert will have and find a really good guy, will I discover that under the really good a Beshert was hidden?

I hope Elin will be okay and her heart heals.  She has two beautiful children and will not have to ever worry about how to provide for them and that is a blessing.  She must remember that none of this was about her.  We have all met men who sold themselves as tigers and ended up being pigs.  She will survive and needs to take care of her babies because in the end they will be the ones to heal her heart.

I am tired of dating and by tired of course I mean exhausted.  I will keep trying though because I know I will find a wonderful man to share my life with.  I’m quite certain that I will not alter what it is that I am looking for, but I think that perhaps I’m ready to peel away a few layers incase my Beshert is hiding within a man who is really good.

Shabbat Shalom.  To Rabbi Mark Borovitz, Happy Birthday.  You are an inspiration.  And to Elin, you are going to be fine.  Stock up on Kleenex, love your kids and remember to always keep the faith.

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December 17, 2009 | 3:53 pm

Jersey Shore

Posted by Ilana Angel

For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis know that I have a serious addiction to reality television.  It is entertaining to me and I watch just about all of it.  On the really painful ones I may watch only 5 minutes and skip over all the crap but for the most part, I watch all of them.

Every once in a while a new “reality” gem will come along and I will get hooked.  My favorite one of course is The Bachelor, which starts up on January 4 on ABC at 9 pm.  I think the promos that ABC is running for the show are brilliant and the one thing more exciting than watching the new season will be to blog about it!

There are the classics like Amazing Race, Survivor, and The Real Housewives.  I watch them, love them, talk about them and make sure my DVR is set to record them all.  It is a very special day however when a show comes along that is so painful to watch it makes you pray your power will go out and at the same time you can’t turn away and wish it was a 2 hour show. 

It is a holiday present that shall keep on giving for the next few weeks and I am so very happy.  What is this train wreck you ask?  Jersey Shore on MTV, Thursday nights at 10.  If you have not watched it, you must.  Even if it’s only one time, you need to see what all the fuss is about.

I know a lot of people who are from the garden state and they were all mortified by the Real Housewives of New Jersey because they felt it was an unrealistic look at people from their state but Jersey Shore has made them nostalgic for the good old days when that was who was representing them.

The cast ranges in age from 21 to 28.  The girls, Angelina, Jenni, Nicole and Sammi wear more make-up in one day than I have in my entire life.  The boys, Mike, Pauly, Ronnie and Vinny all have fabulous bodies, tons of tattoos and spend the majority of their days tanning, working out, putting product in their hair and being in love with themselves.

I don’t know these people and I am sure they are nice kids and have parents who love them but I think if you are unclear about what the word “skank” means, watch this show and you will see first hand.  The girls are trashy, the boys are sleazy and it is the most divine hour of reality television.  Turns out there is something worse than being single in LA, being single on the Jersey shore.

If you visit the MTV website you can watch episodes that have aired already and see what is coming up but don’t bother looking at the cast page because the pictures are seriously photo shopped. They look like a cute group of kids and all traces of skank have been washed away.

For those who think reality television is the end of the world, this show is a good indication that the end is near.  To MTV who found this bunch and gave them a show, Bravo!  To Ronnie, Hi. Call me.  To the parents of the these kids, all I can say, is keep the faith.

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December 16, 2009 | 2:11 pm

Keeping The Faith

Posted by Ilana Angel

If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?  Would you be taller, richer, thinner or perhaps younger?  While I have been known to make a list of what I will spend my lottery winnings on, I rarely think about what I would change about myself.  I suppose it’s because at this point in my life I think it’s easier to win the lottery than it is to change.

If I actually had the ability to change something, I could make a list of at least 100 things that I would physically alter and by 100 of course I mean I would be able to create a list with about 23651 things on it.  It would be impossible to pick just one so let’s move on to non-physical items.

I would want change how sensitive I am.  The smallest thing can make me cry and hurt my feelings.  It can be anything from a commercial for Kleenex, to an unkind word from a friend, to a look of disappointment from my son when he is upset with me.  I literally burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

Yesterday my blog was about Jews having Christmas trees for the holidays.  It was just my opinion.  I wrote that everyone was free to do what they wanted in their homes.  I mentioned that I grew up with a Christmas tree in my house as a kid.  I don’t think it was particularly judgmental, just my two cents on a topic that I did not know was so sensitive to people.

If it is written in the Torah that Jews celebrate the holidays with a Christmas tree, then I ask that you send me where I can find that.  Furthermore, if you can find the place where it states that Jews are not allowed to have a Christmas tree, then please, do send me that too.  I was just sharing my thoughts.  That’s what I do.  This is a blog written by me.

A friend of mine was so offended by my blog that she decided to have her children, who my son counts among his best friends, un-friend me on Facebook.  It’s ridiculous and silly and childish and high school mean girl crap and what it did was simple.  It made me cry.

I appreciate that not everyone is going to like what I write or agree with it and that is fine.  I would hope that if people take issue with my blog they would write me on my blog not plaster their feelings on my Facebook page.  My feelings are hurt and it’s a shame because in the big scheme of things, this is beyond a silly thing to hurt my feelings.

I worry that my son will now somehow have consequences for my blog and for that I am sorry for him.  All will be fine and life will go on.  This will eventually not hurt my feelings anymore and hopefully any feelings that I hurt will also heal and none of it will matter in the long run.

I meant no offence to anyone, I still believe that Christmas trees for Jews makes no sense and at the end of the day all I can do is toughen up, not take it all so seriously and keep the faith.

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December 15, 2009 | 1:53 pm

Chanukah Bush

Posted by Ilana Angel

I happen to think that having a Christmas tree for the holidays is not cool in a Jewish home.  I don’t care if you decorate it with blue and silver and call it a Chanukah bush, it is still a Christmas tree and Jews don’t have Christmas trees.  Let’s clarify that this is just my two cents and everyone is free to have their own opinion on the subject and people are able to do whatever they want in their own homes. 

I always get just a bit resentful around Chanukah because this time of year is geared towards Christmas and we are lucky to get an honorable mention here and there.  I asked my brother why he thought there was no advertising for Chanukah during the holidays and his response was “Because Jews don’t pay retail Ilana so why should they waste their marketing dollars?”

My nephew Ben, who is five years old and delicious, goes to a non-denominational school for kindergarten.  In their winter pageant there were no songs about baby Jesus, just holiday songs about snow but the kids were asked to wear Santa hats and write Santa a letter about what they wanted.  My nephew, who clearly takes after his Auntie, refused to write the letter.

He told the teacher that he was Jewish and Santa did not come to his house.  While the teacher did not get what the big deal was, he did not have to write the letter.  When it was time for his class to perform their song, Ben could not find his Santa hat and had to sing without it.  It’s was a Christmas miracle!  Santa threw a bone to the Jewish kid.

When I was growing up we always had a Christmas tree.  We grew up in places where there were not a lot of Jews and my father did not want us to feel left out from our friends so we always had a tree and I always thought it was weird.  He called it a Chanukah Bush which was even more weird.  I look back at it now and think it’s almost cute of my dad, but still confusing and dumb.

The woman who married my son’s dad is not Jewish and they have a Christmas tree in their house.  My son understands that it is not his holiday and that is great.  He can enjoy the holiday, just not in our house, because it’s not our holiday.  If I told my boy I was going to have a tree he would insist that we did not.  He defines himself as a Jew, because he is a Jew, and Jews don’t have Christmas trees.

I’m laughing as I write this because I know people will get mad and write to yell at me, but I keep writing.  I don’t think it’s funny that they are mad but I do think it’s entertaining that Jews have Christmas trees.

Tonight is the 5th night of Chanukah.  It’s been a lovely holiday filled with friends, laughter, parties and latkes.  I’m looking forward to December 25th so I can see a couple of really great movies and grab some fabulous Chinese food and to those of you who celebrate Christmas, I hope it is a wonderful day of joy for you and your family.

However you celebrate the holidays, be safe and kind.  Be generous of spirit and help those less fortunate.  I wish you all a Happy Chanukah and remind you all to Keep the Faith.

 

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December 14, 2009 | 1:40 pm

Dating Hell

Posted by Ilana Angel

I had a brutal weekend.  I tweaked my back at yoga, my cat decided that she likes the taste of my couch,  I was let down by someone that I trusted and to top it all off I had the most horrific date ever.  With all the rain I should have just stayed in but instead my search for love won out.

If you took a poll of a million people from all corners of the earth and had them share their most disgusting dating experiences, I think mine would win.  I went back and forth about whether or not to even talk about it because it’s truly mortifying but at the end of the day this is a singles blogs and so I must share.

I got an email on Saturday morning from an online dater who seemed like a nice guy so we decided to be spontaneous and meet for lunch. I was 5 minutes early and he was 15 minutes late.  He look disheveled and appeared to be drunk.  I wanted to leave but hung on because I didn’t want to be rude or judgmental.

He sat down, ordered a drink, the waitress brought it over, he took a sip, told her it was watered down, she told him she was sorry and said she would have the bartender redo it, he started yelling that she was a stupid b*&%@.  I was stunned, she started to cry and I got up to leave.

I walked with her to the front, told her I was sorry, gave her $20 and headed out as the manager was asking him to leave.  I handed in my valet ticket and prayed the car would come quickly.  I’m waiting with the valet guy when Drunky comes out and starts begging me not to go.  He tells me to come back in and that he is sorry he was rude.

I tell him I’m leaving and he tells me I’m cold and to get lost.  I’m now dying and want my car.  The valet guy puts his arm around me and tells me not to worry.  I feel a tap on my shoulder and Drunky is there to ask if he can borrow $100.  The valet guy tells him to step away and he will make sure he gets home.

I thank the valet guy, hug him, give him $20 and as I turn around to walk to the car, Drunky bends over and begins to vomit on my boots.  He is now throwing up on my boots.  I look at the Valet guy, he looks at me, I start crying, he calls for back up and Drunky is laughing.

They bring out pitchers of water and clean off my boots and call the cops to come help Drunky.  I’m in shock, stunned by the entire exchange and Drunky is sitting on the ground telling everyone he is not drunk and that the waitress was lying about putting vodka in his drink. 

I want to be in the Guinness World Book of Records for having survived this one.  I find it hard to believe that anyone has had a worse date but if you have, let me know.  Drunky has called to apologize but I’m not taking that call.  I hope he is well, appreciate the apology and think I might change my number.

There is only place you can possibly go after a date like this.  The one special place that can make it better and take the sting out, is The Cheesecake Factory.  My friend Geri and I went to the Sherman Oaks Galleria location for Sunday brunch.  Our waitress, Erica, was perfect.  I explained I had a rough date the day before and she ran with it and could not have been better.

I asked to speak to a manager because it’s important for them to hear when things are good not just bad.  The manager on duty, Mark, came over and agreed my date wins the Worse Date Ever Award and my prize was a complimentary piece of the world’s greatest cheesecake.  He was fantastic and I adored them both.

The world is full of very strange people and sometimes it’s the kindness of a stranger that makes a difference.  At the end of the day I will be fine, Drunky will hopefully get it together and if you need a great place to eat in the valley, you can go see Erica and Mark at the Sherman Oaks Cheesecake Factory. 

Thank you to Geri for making me laugh, reminding me that tomorrow is always a new beginning and that all we need to do is keep the faith.

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December 11, 2009 | 12:45 pm

The Bachelor

Posted by Ilana Angel

Most people who are single and looking for love would agree that dating is hard, and by hard I mean a total nightmare. Finding ways to meet people isn’t much easier, especially in a city like Los Angeles.  For a select, bold group, the quest for love — and possibly fame — brings them to ABC’s hit dating experiment, “The Bachelor.”

Series creator Mike Fleiss invited me to the set as season 14 started shooting (the first episode premieres Monday, Jan. 4). The next bachelor, Jake Pavelka, a fan favorite from season five of “The Bachelorette,” is charming and handsome. But what I discovered during my visit is that the sexiest part of “The Bachelor” is host Chris Harrison.

Harrison, 38, has been married for 16 years to his college sweetheart, Gwen, and the couple has two children, a son and a daughter. There is nothing more attractive than a man who loves his wife and believes in his fairy-tale match so much that he wants others to experience what he has.

Hosting shows like “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” could easily leave someone jaded or perhaps contribute to a wandering eye, but Harrison says it has had the opposite effect — making him a better man and husband. He told me that hosting the programs since 2001 has taught him to be grateful for his wife and children, since contestants are presumably on the shows looking for the same life he already enjoys.

But he cautions that contestants who go on the show to find fame ultimately fail. Harrison draws a comparison to those who go online with the aim of serial dating. Ultimately, he says, they will only attract other serial daters.  “When you are sincere in what you are looking for, you will attract sincerity,” he said. 

Harrison wouldn’t hesitate to let his own brother appear on “The Bachelor,” because he says it’s no different from an online dating service or a bar. The chances of finding love in those situations are a crapshoot, he says, and one could argue that statistically you are more likely to find love on “The Bachelor.”

When asked what advice he would give to people looking for love, his answer was simple: have guts. His most recent example was when his 8-year-old son received a note from a girl at his school, which said she had a crush on him. Harrison spoke to his son about how much courage it took for the girl to express her feelings, and he advised him to tell her “thank you.”

Regardless of how old you are, the advice remains the same: be bold, brave and kind, because love will not find you; you need to go out and find it. And if you put yourself out there, you increase your chances. Fear will stop you, and regret will crush you.

While Harrison’s mother’s side of the family is Jewish, he and Gwen are practicing Episcopalians. He says his kids are aware of their Jewish heritage and celebrate the holidays.

I spoke with Harrison about my personal search for love. I explained that I only date Jewish men, because I feel it’s important to share faith and have the common connection of tradition. While he appreciated my position, like most of my friends, he thought this restriction was limiting my options and that I might be missing out on someone great.

His question was: Would I rather be with someone who was Jewish or someone who was Jew-ish?  He explained that there are people who are born Jewish and live secular lives and there are others who are not born Jewish but are open to practicing Judaism. This begs the question: Which is the better match for someone who values faith?

Chris Harrison is smart, funny, cool and sexy and even though it’s his job to look that way on television he is even more so in real life.  I hope to have the same type of relationship he has with his wife one day and by one day of course I mean if you’re my Beshert and reading this, call me.  I’m planning to stick to my plan of marrying a Jew, and, if I’m lucky, you’ll be both Jewish and Jew-ish.

As I left the “Bachelor” set, it was clear that Jake will be a fabulous bachelor, women across the country will undoubtedly fall in love with him and we will hold our collective breath as he holds the final rose.

In the end the lucky woman won’t be a contestant on the show. It will be Gwen, Harrison’s wife, because she already has what so many of us want — a man who believes in fairy-tale endings and always keeps the faith.

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December 10, 2009 | 2:14 pm

Cat Lady

Posted by Ilana Angel

I joke a lot about giving up on love and becoming a cat lady.  I am so discouraged with my dating life that covering my furniture in plastic and turning my home into a cat sanctuary is almost attractive.  This week I had three people approach me about adopting a cat they had to find a home for.  Is it a coincidence or a sign?  Rather than joke about it, perhaps I should take the must needed next step in becoming a cat lady and get another cat.

Could it be the holidays that makes single people reevaluate their lives and want to create a new path?  It’s hard to be alone at the end of the year.  I realize this admission is not cool and may be perceived as pathetic, but I’ve always been honest with you so let’s not stop now.  Here I go:  I am lonely and it is hardest for me this time of the year.  There, I’ve said it.  I’m lonely.

There is a huge distinction between being alone and being lonely.  I have a full and rich life and I value the opportunities I have to be alone.  I enjoy moments of quiet and being alone has never been an issue for me but being lonely is a rather sad thing.  That said, I would rather be lonely than in a relationship that is not everything I want.  I am not going to settle for someone less than I deserve just so I can have someone in my life.

Now back to my dilemma: my cat is sweet and funny and I find her to be both entertaining and comforting.  She is technically my son’s cat.  He got her as a Bar Mitzvah present and he loves her too.  Could I not get another one and say the new one was mine so even though there were two cats in the house only one would be mine? Would it be so wrong to get another one? 

Could it be that my cat is actually lonely?  Maybe I am so close to her that I am going to ease her loneliness because I know how she feels?  Did I just write that I know how my cat feels?  It’s over.  The beginning stage of cat lady mental illness has set in.  Dear Lord. I have admitted I am lonely AND just told you that I KNOW how my cat feels.  Is there any hope for me?

How did I get to this place?  It must be a combination of the Zale Jewelers holiday commercials and the convicted felons and old men who write me online.  There is only so much a girl can take before she snaps and before you know it one cat turns into two and two becomes eighteen.  Maybe I should get a hedgehog or a chinchilla to break the cycle?  That makes total sense because having a bunch of random animals is so much less crazy than having cats.

I think I am going to put off any animal purchases until the New Year.  In the meantime I will count my blessings, crack open a bottle of Merlot, watch a few chick flicks and wait out the loneliness.  As for my cat, I will get her some catnip, give her a bowl of milk and her loneliness too shall pass.  It will all be fine as long as I stay away from all animal shelters and keep the faith.

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