Jewish Journal

Why Do I Date Online?

by Ilana Angel

February 3, 2012 | 11:16 am

I often get asked why I date online.  It’s a good question to which there is no answer.  Well there are answers of course, but they are all lies.  “It’s easy.”  No it’s not.  “It’s fun”. No it’s not.  “It can work”.  No it can’t. Online dating is the equivalent to being on The Bachelor.  You hope love will be found, but you know there is not a shot in hell it will.

So why keep doing it?  If you want the honest truth, there are simply not a lot of other options.  I am not going to a bar to hang out, and chances are I would not have a lot in common with someone who hangs out at a bar. I’m 45 years old and the bar in my home is much more enjoyable.  Dating is harder when you are in your forties.

When you’re young, anything goes in terms of where you can meet men, and young men are great at picking up women.  I loved dating when I was young. Men were creative and funny.  They enjoyed a challenge and were thoughtful with their pick up lines.  Men who are interested in me now simply do not have the charm of a younger man.  Unless of course they are younger.

I get asked out a lot by younger men online.  Maybe it’s because I have a desperate cougar look, or maybe it’s because they read my blogs and know I am super cool, but it’s not going to happen. I’m not attracted to younger men.  Just not my thing.  I often wish it was because I’ve heard some great things about these young kids, but in the end I can’t do it.

I have mastered being a woman.  I am open and aware and ready, yet there is nobody to share this great achievement with. I have no hang ups, no insecurities, no guilt.  I can swing from the rafters, but I’m swinging alone which is a shame.  Actually, it is often quite fabulous but that’s another blog.  I am watching my best self get older and less likely to find him.

I want to tell you about 3 specific men that wrote to me online this week.  One was older.  By older of course I mean he was in his mid sixties, although his picture would lead me to believe he shaved a couple or ten years off.  We had nothing in common according to our profiles other than the fact that we were both Jewish.  That’s important to me, but not enough to date him.

He had loose looking skin and I know you know what I mean.  The kind of skin that has separated from the inside and is simply a vessel to contain what’s in his body.  I am in my sexual prime and that’s not going to cut it for me.  He wrote me the following email as an introduction: “You look a lot like my daughter.  You’re very sexy. I like your look.  Care to chat? “

His loose skin was enough of a turn off but just to ensure he grosses me out completely, he tells me I look like his kid and am sexy.  Never going to happen.  Gentleman number two is 36 years old.  I am turning 46 in a few weeks so that’s not happening.  Here is part what he wrote me as an introduction: “I can only see your face in your picture but I’m guessing you have terrific t**s”.

Remember what I said about younger men knowing how to pick up women?  I take it all back.  Never going to happen.  The third man is 53 and separated.  This is what he wrote me as an introduction: “I am just looking around and wanted to say hello because you caught my eye.  I will be separated in a couple of weeks and would like to get in touch then if it’s okay.”

I think he is on the wrong website and needs to pop over to Ashley Madison.  That is a peek into my online dating life.  You can see why it’s getting harder and harder to find a reason to do it.  I guess in the end I do it so at least I can say I’m trying.  I am putting it out into the universe that I am looking.  Let’s hope good things come to those who wait, and that my waiting days are over.

In an attempt to be proactive, and knowing that singles events make me want to impale myself with glass, the Jewish Journal, along with myself and my blogging colleagues, are putting on our own singles event.  It’s happening here in LA next Saturday night and so if you’re here, I hope you will come.  It’s going to be fun and fresh, with just the right amount of bitterness thrown in.

We are going to eat, drink and kvetch.  We’ll share dating horror stories and try to figure out why the hell we are alone.  If you are single then please come.  If you are married and want to check me out for your brother, uncle or friend, then come!  It will be a fun night out in LA.  If you think I’m unfiltered and open here, just wait until I’ve had a Cosmo.  I’m freaking hilarious.

I am going into the weekend with one date.  To clarify, it is not with any of the men I mentioned in this blog.  I’m not going with any expectations, but there is certainly hope.  Will I ever meet a man that does not have loose skin, comment on unseen body parts, and does not live with his wife?  Well, maybe next Saturday will be my lucky day, so I’m keeping the faith.

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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