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Jewish Journal

Who Are Forty Year Old Women Supposed To Have Sex With?

by Ilana Angel

August 19, 2010 | 8:34 am

Sex in our forties is great.  I hear it’s great.  We are old enough to know what we like, and secure enough to be able to talk about it.  Studies show women are in their sexual prime in their forties, but sadly, many ladies at this stage of their lives are not having sex. 

Even more interesting, are studies that show men in their forties have declining libidos.  They are distracted by work and stress, making sex not as easy as when they were young.  The question is:  If you are a single lady in your forties, who are you supposed to have sex with?

For me personally, I’m not physically attracted to men who are much older than me.  At 44, I prefer to date men my own age.  Single men in their forties however, are hard to find.  They have perhaps never been married, and are looking to meet someone to have kids with.

They could be divorced, and wanting to recapture their youth by dating a young trophy girl of some kind.  I’m not interested in having another child at this age, and while I certainly consider myself a prize, the days of being arm candy have come and gone for me.

I’ve never really been able to date men who are younger than me.  Now physically, I think they are very attractive, but I have a mental block when it comes to being with someone younger.  I’m not sure why being a cougar has never been my thing.  I sometimes wish it were.

A fifty year old man can easily date a forty year old woman, but a fifty year old woman is going to have a harder time hanging onto a forty year old man.  I think it’s all quite sad really.  As adults, sex should be a regular part of our lives, but the older we become, the more elusive it is.

Sex is different when you get older.  While we can all still appreciate the hot and passionate ripping off of the clothes, there is an element of connection that is different from when we were younger.  There is an awareness and understanding of how important it is.

In my forties, one of the best things about a relationship is not just sex, but companionship.  Its wonderful to have sex with someone, but sex becomes better when you wake up next to that person, and are happy to have them there.  A partner is more satisfying than a playmate.

You feel connected to someone in a more profound way when you can enjoy the physical, at the same time that you appreciate the emotional.  It’s such a shame to reach a point in your life when you can finally enjoy sex in a completely free way, and then not have it be available.

To say sex is not available is not completely true.  I should clarify by saying sex with someone you would want to have sex with, is not available.  I am on JDate and sex is readily available there.  The thing about being in your forties, is sex is simply not enough.

I would love to meet someone to share my life with.  It would be a bonus if we could have a fantastic sex life together.  It would be a miracle if he were not in his sixties or his twenties.  At 44, I am simply too fabulous to be alone and not having a healthy sex life.

I get emails all the time from wonderful women in their forties, who are divorced, looking for love, and wishing sex was a part of their lives.  I never hear the same thing from men.  If you are a man, in your forties, and single, I’d like to know who you are having sex with.

Shoot me an email and let me know the age range of the women you are dating.  Let’s talk about this.  I think sex in the divorced world, regardless of age, is something we should talk about.  Maybe we can figure it out together, and learn something along the way.

I am enjoying being in my forties.  I am a phenomenal mother, a terrific friend, a loving sister, a devoted daughter and an amazing catch for an amazing man.  Am I a sexy forty something vixen?  I don’t remember exactly, but I’m keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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