March 11, 2010 | 10:15 am

The Real Housewives of Wherever

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Andy Cohen and the cast from New Jersey

We all know I am addicted to reality television.  I watch all the shows, at least once.  With Bravo’s The Real Housewives series, I was hooked from the beginning, and have watched all seasons.  They are a silly distraction, and pure entertainment.

There is an overlap this week with the end of Orange County, as New York City is beginning, so we get a double dose of these chicks.  After years of watching, laughing, and thinking they were fabulous, it finally became clear this week.  These chicks are actually quite disturbing.

What’s so interesting is that I can look at all the women, in all the cities, and compare them to women in my life.  I actually see myself in some of them too.  What does it say about me and my friends, that I am able to look at these ladies and see similarities, when they are so unappealing?

These chicks have no clue.  They have become caricatures of themselves, and went from being people that I looked at and thought had lovely lives, to women that I would never change places with.  They all appear to be miserable, and there is nothing attractive about that.

I always wanted to be a housewife.  Instead I have worked, and raised my son on my own.  I’ve gotten to play housewife through a couple of relationships, but it’s not the same.  I honestly think that these women have no idea how blessed they are, or how pathetic they look.

These women should be ashamed by how they behave, particularly as mothers.  I am mortified for their children.  Do they not think about how it will impact the lives of their children down the road?  They should be embarrassed, and seriously worry about what they are doing to their kids.

Why is the single chick in each cast so horrible?  The un-married one is always a little skanky, and desperate.  I’m the single one in my group, and it’s annoying that the single one is always a skank.  I’ve been silent too long ladies.  It’s time for you to be sucked into my blog. 

Lynn, Orange County:  You spent $2000 on shopping, the same week you and your family were evicted from your home for not paying rent.  Your underage children both got wasted in a limo, which you were also in, and you said you don’t know how they got drunk. 

You might want to knock off the lithium.  You are delusional, and your family is crashing around you, and you don’t get it, or even seem to care.  You chose to get a facelift, rather than spend time with your daughters, who are well on their way to having careers in porn.  Grow up.

Kim, Atlanta:  You are a mess.  You smoke in the car, and at home, with your children there.  It is simply the most selfish of acts.  You are not only choosing to kill yourself, but your children.  You drink in front of them constantly, and your boyfriend is married.

You claim to be 31.  Let me just say this, if you are 31, then I am a 5’7”, natural blonde, who weighs 120 lbs.  You are embarrassing yourself, and your children.  You are a train wreck,  and it’s quite disturbing.  Your beautiful daughters are also on the A-train to porn.

Danielle, New Jersey:  I actually felt a little sorry for you in the beginning.  That passed quickly.  You have a scary history, smoke in front of your kids, are constantly drinking, dating men who could be your sons, and putting your children in harms way.  I think you are dangerous.

I have spent the past 14 years being a mother, and struggling to remember that I am also a woman.  You live your life as if you’ve forgotten that you are a mother.  I don’t get how that works.  You will probably be the one to produce the “children of the real housewives” porn series.

Bethany, New York City:  I never really understood why you were even on the show, since you have never been a housewife.  Even now,  you are still not a housewife.  You scored yourself a good deal by hanging onto the coattails of your friends, then you seemed to get bitter.

The moment you became successful in business, and love, you became a little mean.  You are horrible to the other women, and act like you are better than them.  You have forgotten that before them, you were miserable.  Am I missing something here Bethany my darling?

The hardest part of watching Bethany, is that she is my favorite.  I adore that she speaks her mind, and does not care what people think of her.  Granted we only see what they want us to see, so maybe they are all jealous of her, and she is just reacting.  Let’s go with that because I don’t want to stop loving her.

As a woman who has aspirations of being a housewife one day, all I need to be successful, is to do the complete opposite of what you women do.  You have become a joke, and I’m not sure you understand that.  We watch so we can laugh and mock, not because you are impressive women.

To Andy Cohen, the mastermind at Bravo, let’s be perfectly clear.  I love you.  You are hilarious, and the best part of the housewives series.  At this point, I tune into your Watch What Happens show, with more interest than I do the housewives.  You are fabulous, and seriously, I love you.

The Real Housewives are a perfect example of the grass not being greener on the other side.  I will happily live in my cute apartment, shop at Payless, and have my son want to marry a woman like me when he grows up, than have the life these women have, and do not appreciate.

These chicks need to get real, and look at their lives.  They are damaging their children, and representing themselves as a sad and pathetic bunch of women, with no enviable qualities.  I still want to be a housewife one day, but it will look much different in my house.

I hope the kids of these women manage to survive the train wreck, and avoid a life of porn.  There is always time to make a change, and I would suggest that time is now.  Pay attention, and focus on your kids.  It will be a long road, but easier I promise, if you keep the faith.

*** The Real Housewives are coming to Beverly Hills!  I will be driving around looking for them, and by looking for them, of course I mean stalking them.  So excited!