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Jewish Journal

The Real Housewives of OC Are Unfit Mothers

by Ilana Angel

May 9, 2011 | 4:44 pm

God forgives Alexis for everything.

The show starts with Tamra, who is in a divorce and custody battle with her husband Simon, saying that she had a lesbian moment and who cares? She has young children and I think it is horrific that she thinks her behavior is in any way appropriate or acceptable.  She is a nightmare.

Peggy goes to visit Alexis and see why Jim blew off the party.  Alexis says he did not come because he does not want to hang out with the group anymore.  I think its crap.  Since when would Jim, the camera whore, not go be at a party that was being filmed?  Jim is hiding.

They are in yet another house, so I’m guessing that Jim is crumbling financially and does not want to talk about it.  Micha and Peggy have money, Jim doesn’t, and he does not want to be around all their money.  Alexis says she is sorry she lied and happy God will forgive her.

Vicki and Donn are hanging in the kitchen and it’s very uncomfortable. She is bitchy, he is confused, and we are watching her marriage disintegrate in front of us and it’s very sad.  Vicki’s kids are grown but it’s got to be hard for them to watch this marriage end when they love Donn so much.

Slade is now a full time schlepper for Gretchen.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Is he so busy shipping ugly handbags that he cannot take a shower and wash his hair?  Seriously dude, take a shower.  Gretchen talks to Slade like he is a child, and he takes it because he no longer has balls.

Peggy, Tamra and Vicki are going wine tasting.  These chicks drink a lot.  All the housewives, from all the cities, drink a lot.  Who has time to be drinking all the time and why does Vicki have time to go wine tasting but no time for dinner with her husband?  Priorities ladies.

They are off to wine tasting number two.  Vicki no problem treating her husband like garbage for us to see, but does not want to talk about her marriage ending with the girls?  She is so drunk she makes a racial slur and none of the drunks say anything.  She is a mess.

Slade’s mom has come to visit and decides to air his dirty laundry for the world to see.  We find out that his mom never really spent time with his son’s mother.  That’s a little weird.  His own mother describes him as a sleazebag who leeches off of Gretchen.  Hilarious.

His mom says Gretchen will need to work harder to help get Slade in a better financial place.  Gretchen hears that and bails out to go shopping.  Too funny.  His mom does not believe he even has a job and I am laughing at how insanely pathetic this man is.

Tamra and Fernanda are together for a drink and to look at their naked pictures together.  Mother of the year is not going to happen for Tamra.  Fernanda is trying to explain how gay relationships works and Tamra is not getting it.  Poor Fernanda loves her and is setting gay chicks back a mile.

Alexis is taking photos for her dress line.  Her “assistant” can’t help her because he has school and she says he should skip school because she is a better education.  Okay.  Sidebar:  “Alexis Couture” is the name of her dress line, and also the name of a tranny porn star.  Classy!

The photo shoot is hilarious and Alexis is impressed with herself.  I would be too if the goal was to look like a bad porn star.  Gretchen is in Texas selling her crap and let’s be clear, her bags are hideous.  They are cheap and ugly looking, and the name of her make-up is stupid.

Back in OC the photo shoot continues and Jimbo shows up to direct some of the pictures.  He is posing her like a hooker and it is too funny.  She is trying to be classy and he has her ass sticking out.  She is a beautiful girl with a killer body, and he has her ready for the pages of Hustler.

Alexis is sharing lessons from the bible and I would be willing to bet a million dollars she has never read the bible.  Peggy is doing a photo shoot for her husband so when they are 80 and walking on the beach, he can remember that she once looked like a hooker.  So romantic.

The smoke detector goes off in the St. Regis during the fashion shoot.  It disrupts the entire hotel but not to worry, God will forgive her!  This show is pathetic and even more pathetic that I watch it.  Let’s talk for a minute about Bethenny who showed up with Andy on Mother’s Day.

Bethenny showed up on the Watch What Happens Mother’s Day show with Andy Cohen.  It’s also her daughter’s 1st birthday.  Rather than celebrate her first mother’s day at home with her husband, she is whoring herself out on television.  No mentioned Jason of course, only Bethenny.

Bethenny is bagging on the girls for wearing fur vests and thigh high boots in Southern California, which is odd since that is exactly what she wore during every visit that she had to LA during her show.  She has once again forgotten about her own life and the lies are flowing.

Bethenny looks painfully thin and unhealthy.  Her face is concave, her bones are sticking out, and her hair is clearly falling out as without extensions, it is barely there.  She does not look well and it’s sad.  Perhaps it’s from stress from being unable to keep track of all of her lies.  Poor girl.

She confirms that she sold Skinny Girl to Jim Beam and she says she would still have gone out with Jason if he had no job.  Right.  That is a crock pot of crap.  She would never have married him if he did not have a job and now that she is a millionaire she will dump him soon enough.

Bethenny states that Sonja is unhinged this season.  By unhinged I’m sure she means high.  She denies getting a facelift, which I never thought she had.  She looks different because her skin is hanging off her body, as there is no fat anywhere on her body.  She needs to eat a sandwich.

She says she regrets nothing that has been shown on her show.  I think that is sad for her kid.  That this is the legacy she is leaving for her child is sad.  Bryn has hours of her parents fighting and her mom belittling her dad.  Sound familiar Bethenny?  Karma is knocking on your door.

The poll question was who would you like as your mom.  Bethenny came in 3rd which makes sense since the audience is drunk.  Season finale of Bethenny Ever After is on in a few hours so I will see you back here then.  Will we make it through another season?  Let’s keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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