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The Real Housewives of New York City Need an Intervention

by Ilana Angel

April 28, 2011 | 10:18 pm

This week starts off with Cindy and Sonja.  Cindy got drunk at an event, went home, noshed on pistachios, and then cracked her veneers.  She is carrying around her two front teeth in a Ziploc bag with tooth glue and she is gluing on her teeth in a public place.  Classy.

Sonja is annoyed and all she cares about is where they are going for lunch.  By lunch of course I mean have a drink.  They go to Vivienne Tam to try on clothes and it just makes no sense to me that these women think they can wear a micro-mini dress.  They are not 20 years old.

Sonja appears to be drunk before they get to lunch, which FYI Cindy cancels.  Sonja is annoyed that they are not going to lunch because Cindy was treating.  Sonja gets very excited about things when she does not need to pay.  She will hire a driver to take her anywhere it’s for a free meal.

Back in the Hamptons, LuAnn is feeling a little shut in with her life.  She is talking to her daughter about how she needs to be in the city more to work on her “music” which is hilarious. She tells us she is in the city during the week and her kids stay with a “mother’s helper” in the Hamptons.

Translation:  She has a babysitter who takes care of her kids during the week so she can bang her boyfriend and lunch with the ladies.  I dig the countless but I lost respect for her when she tried to convince us that her sex life was not interfering with her being a mom.

Kelly invites Sonja to ride in the Hamptons and she is excited.  Why?  Because it is free.  She wants us to believe she grew up riding, bareback no less.  Really?  She appears to suffer from Bethenny-itis, which is when you create a history in your mind, and then believe it.

I guess all that bareback riding in her make believe childhood did not stick because she falls off her horse which I am embarrassed to tell you, made me laugh.  I was impressed Kelly didn’t laugh because you know she wanted to.  The best part is when Sonja says the horse stumbled.

Sonja plans a party to invite Kelly and Ramona and try to patch things up since they have not been friends since Kelly’s crystal meth break down from last year.  You know that is not going to go well.  Jill is still in Australia and I can’t wait for her to get back.

LuAnn is having the ladies over to her home for drinks.  LuAnn is really beautiful and I think the most attractive of the group.  Sonja and Cindy have arrived.  They are talking about the low rent section for the Hamptons, and Cindy’s teeth, and I’m zoning out of the conversation.

Kelly arrives and gives LuAnn a t-shirt with two Native American’s on the front.  LuAnn tells her she thinks it’s lovely she honored her heritage, then Kelly puts her hand to her mouth and doess an Indian war cry.  That’s respect.  These chicks are hilarious.

Sonja is drunk.  Rude and drunk.  Alex arrives looking frazzled but not in a super model chic kind of way.  Ramona comes in like a bull in a china shop and crashes into everything.  She is knocking LuAnn for not being home with her kids which is in bad taste in LuAnn’s own home.

Cindy pulls Kelly aside and tells her to not take her kids to the party at Sonja’s because she is plotting to get her together with Ramona.  Bravo to Cindy for protecting her friend.  Epic fail to do it on camera.  She is new and one would think unaffected, but in the end, just a fame whore.

Ramona is complaining to LuAnn about Cindy’s brother.  I don’t get why she is upset.  LuAnn talks her off the ledge and is lovely.  LuAnn looks gorgeous and Ramona is wearing a tracksuit fit for Boca.  Meanwhile, Kelly is talking to Sonja and stirring up trouble.

Kelly spills the beans to Sonja that she knows about her wanting to fix things with Ramona.  Sonja says she is well known for fixing relationships.  I had not heard that however, I will say singing “Kellyland Sand Angels” song is the highlight of the show.

We are now at Cindy’s birthday party in the poor section of the Hamptons.  Sidebar:  Does anyone else think it’s weird what a striking resemblance Cindy has to her brother’s girlfriend Carol?  I think it’s disturbing for a man to have sex with a woman who looks like his sisters twin.

LuAnn says Ramona is Pinot Polar, which is awesome.  One glass and you don’t what Ramona you will get.  Ramona is pissy from the second she gets there.  She is whining about a glass of wine, and scrambling to get off the horse because she is board.  Ramona is drunk.

Ramona tries to talk to Kelly and Kelly blows her off because she is with her kids and does not want the drama.  I respect Kelly’s loyalty to her kids.  Meanwhile Kelly is having brunch and invited everyone but Ramona, which puts Ramona over the edge.

Kelly is trying to be nice, but Ramona is pissed off and tells the camera that she has been treating Kelly with kid gloves because lets not forget, she lost her mind.  I am still laughing at that line.  Ramona is the best drunk ever.  A glass of wine and a tracksuit is all one needs to enjoy Ramona.

Ramona is attacking Cindy’s brother Howard.  Everyone is trying to walk away from her but she is making a scene.  Bravo needs to set up an intervention for Ramona because she clearly has a drinking problem.  Maybe they can get a 2 for 1 and include Kelly too!

Cindy talks her off the ledge, Ramona professes her love for her, and we find out dip makes Cindy crazy.  This show is insane and by insane of course I mean addictive like heroin.  These ladies do not disappoint and just when you decide to stop watching, they suck you back in.

Jill will be back next week telling us she has changed, and then doing her same old shtick.  These ladies are the only city in the Real Housewives franchise that still makes us laugh.  They all make us cringe, but these chicks are a hoot and the only Bravo show keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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