April 24, 2011 | 2:38 pm

The Real Housewives of New York City Are Out of Control

Posted by Ilana Angel

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The fabulous Sonja Morgan?

This used to be the best group of ladies in the Real Housewives franchise.  Not so much anymore.  They are so painfully aware of their fame and success that it’s like watching a really bad soap opera and we all know what is happening to soap operas.  These chicks are totally out of control.

This week starts with LuAnn waiting to meet Kelly for some spa time.  LuAnn looks beautiful but dresses horribly and Kelly dresses cool but looks like a tranny.  Sitting in the spa, Kelly is looking around and clearly talking to people, which one would assume are voices in her head, but is really the crew.

She is literally talking to the crew while shooting and it’s pathetic.  Kelly does not want to date, but wants to be in a relationship.  She is lonely and wants to be with someone.  If she can figure out how to be in a relationship without dating, I’d like to know how she is going to do it because I’m in.

LuAnn is plugging her boyfriend’s latest venture and I’m ready to check out.  This show is about being famous, getting famous, and milking every single possible fame moment out of it.  The show about women is now allowing them to seek fame for their lovers and it’s gross.

Jacques is starting a new wine/dating business.  Right.  It’s called Speed Dating and has been around forever.  He invented it like Bethenny invented the margarita.  Meanwhile Sonja is meeting Alex for lunch to hash out their argument from last week.  Sonja is the greatest disappointment.

She came on fresh and I loved her.  She is now a drunk with duck lips who is sucking every drop out of her fame but is failing to realize that last year we adored her and laughed with her, but this year she is the joke and we are laughing at her.  It’s sad and her hat is horrific.

Each time I see Sonja she looks more like Glenn Close.  She could have been the Queen of NYC but instead she is a divorcee troll.  Alex is talking, and talking, and talking.  She must love the sound of her own voice because she just keeps going.  She needs an off button.

Sonja is babbling about how she was scared Simon would show up at her party. She is scared of Simon in her own home?  Dear Lord Sonja, get a grip and stop drinking.  As for Alex, just stop talking.  Super models are not known as talkers so just own it, and zip it.

Kelly is meeting Cindy for drinks.  Cindy says she is shaking and sticks out her hand, which is completely still, and it makes me laugh out loud.  She had to fire her nanny.  Well she didn’t fire her, her brother did.  She is a powerful woman but can’t fire a nanny?

She is saying she does not put up with crap when it comes to her kid, yet the nanny was not good for her kids, but she could not let her go on her own?  So she gets crazy when people do something not good for her kids, but does nothing about it herself? Got it.

She wants us to think she is a certain way, but everything she does shows she is not the person she wants us to think she is.  Kelly sends Ramona an email saying she cannot come to an event she is being honored at.  Passive aggressive and incredibly immature.

Ramona is going to walk in another fashion show.  I want to turn it off at this point.  Ramona blames her previous modeling fiasco on the photographers.  Okay.  Sonja goes with her to try on the dress and her roots are brutal and her outfit is embarrassing.

At what point will these women start to dress their ages?  Sonja should not be wearing a mini skirt and knee high boots. Ramona is gossiping to Sonja about Kelly and it’s high school.  Jill is in Australia and love her or hate her, the show is not the same without her.

We are now at LuAnn’s boyfriend’s wine event and it’s hilarious.  Drunken Speed Dating is a hoot.  Sonja is lame, Cindy is bitter and Kelly is hilarious.  Kelly is funny and cute with all the men and it’s the first time since she came on the show that I actually really liked her.  She was totally fun.

A bit of a ditz, but ditzy can be good.  The time with the young actor was fantastic.  LuAnn takes the microphone from Jacque and it’s lame.  She can let her boyfriend push his little business but she has to be in the spotlight, if even for just a minute.  Countless is a bit of an idiot.

Simon has planned a birthday party for Alex.  Cindy is there with both her nannies.  Really?  There are two kids, could you not have just taken one?  Cindy and Kelly go to the party and the double cheek kissing is both awkward and nauseating.  It’s a very weird party and I don’t get it.

They are all sitting outside in the freeing cold, with champagne and one snack tray.  Cindy and Kelly are talking about what a lame party it is while Alex is saying it was the best birthday surprise yet.  Ah the power of editing.  Edits aside, the party was lame and that could not be hidden.

Ramona is walking in another fashion show and some of the girls are there to support her. By support her of course I mean mock her as she struts down the catwalk.  My only question is why does someone not put a bra on Ramona?  They are 50 year olds and need some support.

She needs a bra.  Sidebar:  Most of the models have their faces blurred out.  If you are a model, and have an opportunity to be seen on television, why blur out your face?  Is being on the RHNYC more embarrassing than advancing your career?  One can assume the answer is yes.

Cindy, LuAnn, Kelly and Sonja are at Cindy’s spa talking about waxing.  Do we really need to know what is happening with the chuckies of these women?  This show is now officially in the gutter.  Talking to the camera and discussing vaginas takes these ladies to a whole other level.

Alex is modeling.  Watching and listening to her, makes me want to cut myself.  Pretty Swan Lake?  Okay.  Moving like a ballet dancer?  Right.  The photographer seems annoyed which is excellent.  She is a goth bride and keeps the wackadoodle hair to go to Ramona’s event.  Nice.

Ramona is being honored as the celebrity entrepreneur of the year.  Bethenny must be pissed off.  LuAnn and Kelly both blow off her event, Jill is away, so Sonja, Alex and Cindy show up.  Ramona’s daughter is there and she is so grown up from when we first met her years ago.

The ladies all make fun of Alex’s hair and you know that deep down Ramona is annoyed the attention is off of her for a minute.  I forgot to mention Ramona’s assistant appeared earlier and I didn’t mention her because she is forgettable.  Not a star, just an afterthought I’m afraid.

Ramona gives her acceptance speech and Sonja is talking through the entire speech and I want to smack her, as does Cindy.  Ramona says she doesn’t do anything unless she is extremely successful at it.  Does she practice things at home to make sure she can do them?

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to say she likes to be successful at everything she does?  It just seemed like an odd thing to say.  But it’s Ramona, and it’s fake television, so I guess in the end it does make sense.  Next week looks like it will be entertaining and I can’t wait.

These ladies have gone from being fabulous, to somewhat entertaining, to embarrassing.  I watch not because I love the show, but because I am an addict and I cannot stop.  Bravo is my crack and if I could choose my addiction, it would be reality television, so I’m keeping the faith.