Jewish Journal

The Boundaries of Compromise

by Ilana Angel

September 14, 2009 | 9:53 am

Relationships require compromise.  There is a give and take that is needed in order to be healthy and happy with another person and regardless of whether we are talking about a friend, a family member or a romantic interest, a relationship is a partnership and a partnership is a business and a business takes work.

When you are single it’s natural to have a list in your mind of who you are looking for and the qualities that you want that person to possess but you should not have an idea of who you will become when you are in a relationship.  You must be true to yourself and should not alter who you are in order to be with someone. 

There are boundaries and when you are compromising who you are as a person to attract someone else then those boundaries have been crossed.  I hope I will never change who I am, what I believe in or what I am looking for just to be with someone.  I don’t want to settle for an average relationship just because it is easy or safe or available. 

Compromise is required and a key element in relationships but we can’t pretend to be something we’re not.  It’s just too hard to maintain.  It’s about seeking peace and growth not changing who we are, what we want or what we believe we can have.  Compromise is not about picking battles because a healthy relationship should have no battles.

There is someone for everyone.  A person who will want and accept all the parts that come together to make us wonderful.  I would rather wait for that person than cross boundaries and compromise who I am just to not be alone.  Love is an area of life where one can simply not be lazy.

I know that one day those of us who are searching will meet a special person who will understand us and embrace all that we are.  Good things come to those who wait and it’s really just a matter of time so we must try to stay busy while we anticipate their arrival.

I am blessed with a very full and satisfying life so it won’t be hard for me to wait but should I find myself getting impatient, I will pass the time by keeping the faith.

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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