Jewish Journal

The Bitterness Blog:  Dating Sucks

by Ilana Angel

March 10, 2010 | 8:30 am

I have long thought that online dating sucked.  I assumed however, that it was just me who was struggling.  Why was I having so much trouble?  Especially when I date so much.  It is like a side job for me.  I invest time and effort, and I am focused and determined.  I want very much to be in a relationship, so I take it seriously, without taking any of it too seriously.

It’s not about being desperate. If I were, I’d be in a relationship right now.  Being with someone is not hard.  It’s about sharing my life, having a man in my son’s life, and having a witness to the second half of my life.  I am looking for a specific man, and because I am not desperate, I can choose carefully.

I get a lot of emails from women.  Ladies from all over the world, of every race, religion, age, and I am happy to say, political party.  They write to tell me to keep looking, and not give up, because for a lot of them, they live vicariously though me, since they don’t have the energy, desire, or courage to date.

I like hearing from women.  There is a sisterhood of women who are looking for love.  There is an even greater bond for those of us who are mothers.  There is something romantic, and almost tragic, about having had love, then losing it.  We are a very special group of women, and are so worthy of having love, because we give so much love.

Last night, in going through some of the emails my blog receives, a very clear pattern began to form.  It’s not us.  It’s men.  They suck.  There are so many truly fabulous women, all across the world, who want to be in wonderful relationships, and men are pigs.

I realize that I sound bitter and nasty, but here’s the thing, I don’t care.  I am going to use today’s blog to get out all my bitterness and nastiness, so then it will be released, and I can get on with my life.  Men are a dime a dozen, good men are needles in a haystack, and it pisses me off.

Nothing annoys me more than when married women, who have husbands who travel, or are at work all the time, tell me, “I’m like a single mother.”  Really? You have no freaking idea what it means to be a single mother.  They have their husband’s paycheck and support.  Don’t cry me a river sister.  News flash, your husbands are the ones who hit on me.

I am dating not only for myself, but also for my kid.  When he was really young, I never dated because I was busy being a mom, and forgot I was a woman.  Now, at 14, he has opinions about who I date, so there is extra pressure.  He worries about me in a way he didn’t when he was little.

I am convinced that if hell existed on earth, it would be the online dating world.  I was online last night, checking out who was checking me out.  I came across a nice looking man who caught my interest.  He lives close by, is 52, divorced with 2 kids, and works in business management.

I’m reading his profile, and we appear to have a lot in common.  I decide to send him a note to introduce myself.  As I’m writing a brilliant introductory email, I go back and look at his profile one more time, so I can mention something specific we have in common.  That’s when I saw it.

This 52 year old man, with 2 adult kids, wants to have more.  He actually wants to have 2 more kids.  Really?  He will be 70 when those kids graduate from high school, and that’s only if he has them right now.  If he waits, for even a minute, he’ll be in his 80’s when they go to college.

Why isn’t he just honest, and put in his profile that he is having a mid-life crisis, wants a super hot, young trophy wife, and in exchange, is willing to have more kids, if for no other reason, than to give his golf buddies, who are trapped in bad marriages, a reason worship him, because he is banging a young goddess?

I want someone to tell me exactly who I am supposed to date.  I can’t date someone younger because he will wake up one day, want to have kids, and my eggs are already poached.  I can’t date someone old because at 43, I am in my sexual prime, and it’s not a fit.

I can’t date someone my age, because they’re either looking to have kids, or smart enough to have realized they are a hot commodity, and have a million women to chose from.  They are the perfect age to date younger women without anyone thinking they are creepy.

Seriously people. It should not be this hard, or this unfair.  Where are all the good men?  If you are out there, then please get in touch with me.  No matter what type of woman you are looking for, or where you live, let me know, and I will hook you up with a fantastic woman.

There are a bevy of ladies available.  I have met women though my blog who are smart, funny, black, white, tall, short, Republican, Democrat, fat, and skinny.  You tell me what you are looking for, and I will introduce you to the girl of your dreams.  We are here, waiting, and getting tired.

While I search for the man of my dreams, there is no reason I can’t help my sisters find theirs.  It’s rough out here ladies, so let’s look out for each other.  Let’s not get bitter, but rather take strength from our kids, and each other. 

To those of us with sons, let’s raise them to be good men, not pigs.  We must break the cycle, and create a new type of man, one who respects women.  We can leave the women of the next generation in a better position than us, by giving them good men.

I love men.  One may not know it from this particular blog, but I do, I love men.  It’s an interesting thing to love something that you are completely frustrated by.  I take comfort in knowing that it’s not just me, but rather a struggle for women throughout history.  We love men, even though they drive us crazy.

Okay.  I’m done.  That was cathartic and felt good.  I have now released my frustration, and can move on.  I shall go online today and contact a man I think is interesting.  No point in complaining about something I have the power to control.  Today, love might be found with the click of a button.  I must keep the faith.

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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