March 8, 2011 | 12:46 pm

The Bachelor Stole Another 2 Valuable Hours From My Life

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Chantal and Emily

There is nobody on the planet that is more excited for this season of The Bachelor to be over than me.  It has been painful and I am completely and totally over it.  This show went down the toilet this year and this Women Tell Special was a complete waste of my time.  One more torturous week to go.

Last night’s show was 2 hours long and should have been 30 minutes tops.  The constant recapping is excruciating.  I love ABC, love it, but come on.  Does every episode need to be 2 hours?  I watch it on DVR and skip over all the commercials and most of the recapping so I’m in for 38 minutes.

Chris Harrison is lovely.  I have met him, interviewed him for the Jewish Journal, and totally think he is charming.  That said, who cares about anything that he has to say?  He is funny, smart, great in person and brilliant with a live audience so why not give him a role that matters?  He is wasted here.

The show then takes us to “Bachelor Parties” where past cast members get together, drink, and sleep together.  These people are sleazy and some of them will be back for season two of Bachelor Pad this summer.  The only person I dig, or really even remember, is Vienna.

Vienna is the only reason I would watch Bachelor Pad. It’s bad enough I’m addicted to The Bachelor so I’m refuse to invest time in watching a bunch of skanks and douchebags who are clinging onto their 15 minutes of fame for a summer of debauchery.  I’ll pass.

The best part, and by best part of course I mean the only good thing about the show last night was commercials for Dancing With The Stars.  I’m excited to see Kirstie Alley and I hope she takes it seriously, not as a joke like Margaret Cho.  I want her to do well.

Ashley H. is back as a brunette and looks great.  Rumor has it that she is the new Bachelorette so we’ll see.  She could be good.  In watching the ladies talk about the season the thing that comes across so clearly is how young they all are.  They really are a naïve group of very young ladies.

Recap, recap, recap, blah, blah, blah.  I’m at minute 26 of 120 and not sure I will make it.  I’m watching it on tape this morning and if it were not 9:00 am I would be drinking to take the edge off.  I now need to listen to Michelle fake cry and pull the “I left my daughter” sympathy card.

They are doing a prolonged recap with people that I don’t even remember.  Why am I watching this? I am at home, on my day off, watching the Bachelor, hoping the fire alarm goes off.  That would be great.  I could stop watching and there would be firemen.  Wishful thinking.

Michelle is going on and on about leaving her daughter, and how her sense of humor was not understood.  She is crying, explaining that she just wanted to find love.  I have never wanted a drink so bad.  The other women are now attacking her for being a bad mother.

I’m not sure how their not liking her turned into an attack on how she is as a mother.  Women are gross to each other.  We don’t know anything about Michelle as a mother.  The whole process takes only a few weeks to shoot and I’m sure her daughter was fine and not home alone.

These women make me sick.  Here’s a thought, make Michelle the new Bachelorette.  She will be hilarious, racy, and really good television.  I would watch that season for sure. Nice change up to put the psycho in the driver’s seat.  It will never happen which is a shame.

Ashley S. is up next and she reminds me of Kellie Pickler.  She is young and sweet and I hope she meets someone great.  Poor thing.  She talks about needing closure from Brad.  Really?  He did not pick you.  That’s all the closure you need.  Trust me, he did you a favor.

Sidebar:  Is Chris Harrison getting paid every time he says “defense mechanism”?  That’s his go to thing for the night.  Ashley admits that she loved Brad, and blew it, and it’s sad that she walked away but she should be counting her lucky starts because she is too good for him.

She says a few things that would indicate that she in fact the next Bachelorette.  Could be her.  Boring, but I will watch.  She is going on about how sorry she is, and how she wants to tell Brad she is sorry, which is pathetic and a sad example of how women don’t value themselves.

Brad comes out and is lame.  He is in love, has a “significant other”.  I am trying to care but in the end I just don’t give a crap.  I could care less about this guy and I hope he picked Chantal and sets Emily free.  I will hate it if he picks Emily.  Ashley is apologizing again.  Enough.

It’s down to Chantal and Emily and I think it’s Chantal.  He was so into her parents and their money that you knew she was the one.  Emily is perfection but not enough of a driving personality to be the Bachelorette, so I think this will be end of the Bachelor road for her.

Next week is the big finale and “most dramatic rose ceremony ever”.  I don’t care if we get a fairytale ending, just as long as it ends. I don’t think everlasting love will be found this season, but for the next one, I won;t hold my breath but wiiI keep the faith.