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Skating With The Stars is More Painful than a Root Canal Without Drugs

by Ilana Angel

December 13, 2010 | 10:59 pm

The fabulous Johnny Weir

It’s been a trying couple of days.  My son has not been well, I’m not sleeping, is freakishly hot for December, I’m incredibly busy at work, and so I’ve been looking for a little joy.  I found joy today when I discovered there are only two weeks left of this slow and painful train ride through hell.

I cannot wait for this show to be over, and relieved to know it will never be back. I may be the only person in America that is still watching.  This is the most horrible show on television and the only reason I tune is for a) Johnny Weir and b) to watch Bethenny fall on her ass.  That would be awesome.

Brandon Smith, the Disney “star” is out.  He’s been sick and has to drop out.  He was a good skater but he was never going to win.  His farewell speech was hilarious. He thanked everyone for letting him bless us with a good time.  He blessed us?  We had a good time?

Bethenny is up and her facial expressions would indicate that she is in desperate need of a bathroom.  She is a good skater but her abrasive and harsh personality makes her hard and cold as ice.  She is, for lack of a better word, a bitch.  Truly a bitchy girl and it’s not appealing.

Dick Buttons is critiquing her and appears to be confused.  You cannot understand what he is talking about.  The choreographer chick then talks and gets so caught up in her own voice that she cannot stop talking and it’s chaos.  Then we get the highlight of the entire show.  Johnny Weir.

He tells Bethenny that since she does not care what the judges say, he does not care to watch her anymore.  The audience boos him, but it does not matter because they are not that bright.  At home we watch the entire show in 12 minutes, but there they are stuck for hours.  Poor souls.

Jonny Moseley is up next.  He’s a great athlete and the most annoying thing about her skating is his partner.  He will be in the finals.  He will not win.  The judges tell him to take a ballet class so you know ABC will film him in a tutu for next week.  Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Rebecca soap chick skates and unless you know who she is, it’s hard to tell who the pro skater is.  She will win if people vote for the who the good skaters are, not the celebrity they like.  This won’t boost her career however, because I am the only one watching.

This show is crap and next week is the finale.  I will be watching because at this point I’m in and can’t look away.  Here’s a list of crap: hair, make-up, costumes, the host, and Laurieanne.  Here’s a list of gold:  Johnny Weir. Can I make it through another week?  I’m keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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