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Jewish Journal

Sexual Relations

by Ilana Angel

October 8, 2009 | 1:32 pm

I went out for dinner and drinks with a couple of my girlfriends last night.  We had a lovely time at our neighborhood dive bar where they have the best garlic bread and make a fabulous Cosmopolitan which has been my favorite drink for as long as I can remember. 

Drinks and dinner somehow just taste better when you are with your girlfriends.  We talked about kids, work, life and men.  It’s good to hear other women’s take on what is going on in your life, talking about what we all want and how we balance what we have.

There are certain elements of a relationship that I really miss.  Little seemingly silly things, but I value them.  Holding hands, having a song, secret signals to tell your partner it’s time to leave a party.  None of them are of significant importance, but I like these things.

The ladies and I talked about dating and relationships which inevitably leads to talk of sex.  Three women, six drinks, a spunky waitress and tables so close you can hear the people next to you breathing leads to an interesting discussion.

We talked about when was an appropriate time to have sex with someone new you are dating.  I hear a lot about the 6 date rule but I have friends who had sex on the first date and ended up marrying them.  You just never know what will work for you and every circumstance is different so there should be no rules.

There is a subtle distinction between a sexual relationship and a relationship that is sexual.  You must time sex properly or you risk going down the wrong path.  Sexual relationships are not hard to find but having a relationship that is sexual, takes commitment and work. 

I think for women we look for a relationship that is sexual while men want to start off with sex and work into a relationship.  It’s all very interesting considering I have my third date with recycled man this evening.  We are ordering dinner in, sharing some wine and getting to know each other better.

I’m looking forward to seeing him and happy to be hanging out at home.  There is a thin line between being a floozy and a good hostess so I will be careful.  In the end I know he will be a gentleman so as long as I’m a lady we won’t get into any trouble.

The theory that wisdom comes with age does not apply to dating.  I am fumbling through the process the same way now as I did in my 20’s and 30’s.  You never know what will happen so all I can do is stay true to myself and keep the faith.

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