September 18, 2011 | 6:25 pm

Sept. 18 – 24 is National Unmarried & Single Americans Week

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Did you know that this week even existed?  According to CelebrateLove.Com, National Unmarried & Single Americans Week was started in Ohio in 1980. The website states that there are about 82 million single and unmarried people in the United States.  Really?  They also say that there is no shame in being single.  Well, if those numbers are true, no need for shame but disbelief and bitterness is totally appropriate.

Do single people really need their own week?  No.  What we need is a date that does not make us want to vomit, or cause us to develop narcolepsy.  I’m fine being single, and there is no big rush to get married just so I can say I’m not single.  I celebrate my kid getting an A in school, I celebrate when a child laughs, and I celebrate when a soldier comes home safely.  I do not celebrate that I am single and unmarried.  Who are these people?

Let’s break it down:  If there are 82 million singles, let’s assume half are men.  That gives us 41 million.  Let’s assume that half of them are geographically undesirable, leaving us with 20.5.  Let’s assume half are really old, giving us 10.25 million, and another half is really young, giving us 5.125 million.  I only date Jews so let’s assume that 6% of the remaining men are Jewish, giving me a snowballs chance in hell of not being single.

Being single is great for people who want to be single.  For me personally, I want to be in a relationship, so being single kind of sucks.  I think the celebration of this week is lame, and the people who thought of celebrating being single, are not nearly as happy as they would like us to think.  God Bless them though.  I hope they have a wonderful week of fun and festivities as they celebrate the joy of being single and unmarried.

Thanks to my friend Rachelle who let me know via Twitter about this very special week.  By thanks of course I mean you owe me a drink for subjecting me to a week I have managed to live without knowledge of forever.  To all my single friends, whether by choice or not, have a drink this week to celebrate that you are single.  I am going to ignore the week and look forward to my date on Thursday.  No pressure, just keeping the faith.