April 1, 2011 | 1:00 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I think I am going to support Sarah Palin for President in 2012. She is solid in her message and clear on her plans for the country. She is smart, ready, and hands down the person with the most experience. She will fix what is broken, and lead us into prosperity.
I think Bethenny Frankel is the most authentic person on reality television. She is honest, sweet, nice to everyone, always aware of the camera so as not to do anything that will embarrass her or her husband later, is a talented chef and brilliant businesswoman.
I think I am going to meet the love of my life dating online. He will be handsome, charming, smart and funny. He will be truthful about his height, his smoking habits, and his intentions. He is going to be my beshert, totally monogamous, loyal, and a mensch.
I think sex is overrated and I can live without it. Who cares about sex? It’s easier to get in bed with a god book, a few cats, and a glass of wine. I will be perfectly fine to let go of that part of my life and focus on my cats, rather than having sex ever again.
I think dieting is the greatest thing on earth and I look forward to being on one everyday for the rest of my life. I am going to try a different diet each week for the next year, see which one works best for me, then select that one diet and then do it forever.
I think Ashley Madison is the greatest website ever. It is a blessing for men and women to have a safe place to go online and find people to have sex with in a way that will not put their marriage at risk. I wish I had thought of such a wonderful thing.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY EVERYONE!!
To be clear:
I met Sarah Palin and she was a great lady but I will not vote for her.
I think Bethenny Frankel is a compulsive and delusional liar.
I think odds are better I will weigh 120 lbs. over meeting my beshert online.
I think sex is fabulous and necessary. Don’t get me started on a single mother’s sex life.
I think dieting is hell on earth.
I think Ashley Madison is the beginning of the end for the human race.
Shabbat Shalom. Enjoy the weekend. Be safe, be kind to a stranger, love your kids, call your parents and say thank you, take a deep breathe, clean out your closet, bake something, have ice cream, say a prayer, laugh, love, forgive, plan, be spontaneous, and keep the faith.
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