January 14, 2010 | 2:04 pm

Roxxxy The Sex Robot

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Roxxxy The Sex Robot

Just when I thought my dating life could not get any worse, they unveiled a new sex robot in Vegas over the weekend.  Really?  It’s bad enough that I need to compete with young girls, but now I have to also get in line with a robot? 

Roxxxy is being touted as the first life sized robotic girlfriend.  She is even programmed with artificial intelligence, which makes her exactly like most of the girls in their 20’s who are trying to date men in my age group.

Roxxxy was created by True Companion and is apparently way more than just your regular old blow up doll.  I am not surprised that this company is based in New Jersey.  I’m thinking the guys of Jersey Shore are already trying to get one.

She talks and looks “real” so if you like a plastic looking girl with a perfect body, then you will love her.  If that kind of girl is your thing, you should move to Los Angeles.  We’ve got a ton of them and you can probably find one for less than Roxxy’s ticket price of between $7000.00 and $9000.00. 

You can actually have a conversation with Roxxxy.  Her answers are pre-recorded and she hooks up to your laptop.  She can be programmed to say your name, know your likes and dislikes, and can carry on a conversation.  She will tell you that she loves you and can detect touch. 

Are you kidding me?  If she can do all that, and you can turn off the talking whenever you want, then they may have actually created the perfect woman. You get a Barbie that you can make stop talking which is the total dream girl.

I read that you can make her snore so at night it feels like there is someone real with you.  She is 5’7” and weighs 120lbs.  I want you to know that nobody really has a body like that.  By nobody, of course I mean only about a million women in Los Angeles, but whatever.

True Companion says you can custom order Roxxxy to have any hair color, skin color or boob size you like.  This chick is seriously a custom ordered Californian girl straight from the heart of New Jersey.  Only in America people.

She is a toy.  She is a cruel and unfair toy, that was developed to make the dating life of women unbearable, and that is just mean.  The only possible way to make the creation of this horrible woman acceptable, is to now develop a male version.  Are you listening to me True Companion? 

That is the ONLY way to make this fair.  If I may, I would like to customize mine to be 6’2”, have a bum you can pop a quarter off of, a 6 pack stomach, he can recite the Brucha over Shabbat dinner and does not snore.

Roxxxy could actually be a good thing if she were used in the proper way.  For example, JDate could order 10,000, I will give them the names of 10,000 men that never should have been allowed on their site because they are unfit to date decent women, and they can give them a Roxxxy in exchange for never signing up again.

I wish Roxxxy all the best and by best of course I mean I hope she malfunctions, speaks in gibberish, and her “skin” falls off when touched.  At least until I meet the man of my dreams, then all her malfunctions can be repaired and she can go on with her “life”.

Roxxxy is yet another bump in the road on the journey to love.  Don’t worry girls, until she can cook dinner, clean a house or have children, she is not competition, as much as she is just annoying and offensive. 

Technology is amazing.  We must all welcome the future, but just remember, when you are embracing your technology, be careful to not get shocked and remember to keep the faith.

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