October 24, 2009 | 11:56 am

Reality TV Guide

Posted by Ilana Angel

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It’s time for an update on reality television and by update I mean that I think I should have my own reality show and by have my own show I mean I am trying to find a way in which I could hang out with Mike Fleiss all day and not have it appear that I am creepy, crazy cat lady who follows him around like a lost puppy unless the show were about the life of a crazy cat lady who has given up on dating and spends her nonexistent free time searching through JDate in the hopes that maybe she missed the one frog who had potential.

Today I am going to the set of The Bachelor, Monday nights on ABC starting in January, to interview Chris Harrison about love and faith and the paths that some people take in order to find a partner.  He has really seen it all hosting The Bachelor and I look forward to hearing what his take is.  I can’t wait for this season to begin.  The girls are beautiful, there are a couple of train wreck chicks that will be perfection to watch and Jake is the first Bachelor in a while that I feel is sincerely looking for love.

Survivor, Thursdays on CBS, is the same thing every season but I watch in case there is someone compelling and this time around it is Russell.  Not the attorney Russell who left this week due to illness but Texas Russell who is the most vile and disgusting player to ever be on the show and in my opinion, the sexiest.  I love this guy.  He is playing the game brilliantly and he has the ultimate bad boy image of the guy you know you should stay away from because he will break your heart but you can’t help yourself and by can’t help yourself of course I mean he reminds me of men I have loved and clearly I need to try something new and by something new I mean Russell, call me.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta is divine and these chicks are seriously crazy.  It’s one of those things that if you watch your eyes will start burning but you can’t turn away.  Their boobs and diamonds appear to get bigger each week and they are always fighting and I seriously doubt that they consider their kids at any moment during the filming of this show and if I behaved as they do my kid would be mortified and by mortified of course I mean he is totally mortified by me but he is almost 14 and that is my job right now and he should not take it personally and neither should I as it’s a rite of passage.

Dancing With The Stars, Mondays and Tuesdays on ABC.  The only thing I can really say at this point is that Aaron Carter simply MUST GO HOME.  I will vote for everyone else to make it happen and by saying that I will vote for them of course I mean that I have been voting for them and for some reason America is keeping him there and he makes my eyes bleed.  I want Ms. Osbourne and Mr. Osmond to be in the finale and then I want Kelly to kick Donny’s @$$.  That is good television.

I hope you all have a great day in your own reality.  I will report back tomorrow about my trip to reality heaven.  Thanks to Leslie Zimmer for a lovely time with your group and a shout out to the fabulous Laura Ex.  You are the best Laura and I love you. 

Keep it real and keep the faith.