April 24, 2011 | 10:21 pm

Real Housewives + Orange County = White Trash

Posted by Ilana Angel

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White Trash

This group of women is embarrassing and watching them makes my eyes bleed.  I go back and forth between laughing at how ridiculous they are, and hating myself for continuing to watch it when it is making me sick.  These are a bunch of white trash “ladies” who have no business being on television.

Slade is taking Gretchen for a birthday surprise.  It would appear that the only reason Slade is on this show is for Gretchen to humiliate him.  Not only is he pathetic, but he is a glutton for punishment and stays for the money because how can he love her when she treats him like garbage all the time?

She makes fun of his body and his lack of money.  She uses every single opportunity he is on the show to tell him he is a loser without ever calling him a loser, which is worse.  She is both trash and trashy, and I will shave my head before I buy one of her swap meet purses, which are hideous.

Vicki invites Alexis over so she can clear the air. It’s lame.  Alexis is slutty,  stupid, uneducated, and ridiculous and I would not want to be friends with any of them.  Alexis is going to show Vicki how accomplished she is.  Why does she care what Vicki thinks of her?

Slade takes Gretchen to his friend’s art studio for a surprise birthday.  He brings take out food, has her change into painter clothes, they make a picture, then he gives her a painting his friend made.  She is obnoxious, rude, ungrateful, and mean spirited in her response.

Gretchen’s laugh makes me want to stab myself.  If she has a make up line, why can’t she make her skin look better?  Enough about her, let’s move onto Peggy and her husband, who are planning a dinner party and want to use a celebrity chef so they can impress.

They go to Border Grill, meet with the chef and co-owner Susan, and are surprised to learn that it is Mexican food.  Really?  All you have to do is Google her and you can she what kind of food she is famous for. They are so dumb it’s painful.  I seriously need to get into reality rehab.

We are then shown an endless amount of time on Vicki’s daughter.  Is Vicki so boring we have to watch her daughter, who could not be any more uninteresting? She is a sweet girl, but of absolutely no interest and following her around Vegas is a waste of time.  Who cares Bravo?

Tamra and Peggy are in a fashion show and Peggy’s boobs are distracting.  Why a woman would do that to herself I will never understand.  I think fake boobs are pretty, and if I needed them I would get them, but hers are cartoonish, ugly, and make her look like a fool.

Jeana walks in and Tamra is annoyed because she is friends with Simon.  Everyone is talking about how great Jeana looks but she looks the same to me.  They say she has lost weight but I don’t see it.  Good for her, but I would not have known she lost weight unless they told me.

Alexis goes to meet her dressmaker who is an Israeli woman names Tal, who has unfortunate plastic surgery.  Alexis is trying on dresses and she is a complete and total bitch.  She tries to explain to us what couture means and it is hilarious.  This chick is not too bright.

She hates the sleeves on a dress that clearly involved some serious workmanship.  Instead of telling Tal to remake it, she gets scissors and cuts off the sleeve.  Tal is freaking out, Alexis is being a lunatic, and then power trips about how she is the boss and Tal needs to remember that.

Alexis spends a lot of time talking about what a great Christian she is, and that she spends her life trying to do what Jesus would do.  Really?  I can assure her Jesus would not have disrespected another human being like she did Tal.  She is white trash and needs to Jesus out of it.

Peggy looks like Melissa Rivers and her strut on the catwalk is mortifying.  She is hosting the fashion show and getting back “into the business”.  Good for her.  Tamra arrives and you have to wonder how she will explain her behavior to her children when they grow up. 

She walks the catwalk like a stripper.  We then go the gym with the Brazilian chick.  Lynne is there saying she is not avoiding the ladies, just busy with work. Busy?  She is off the show because she is a mess and bored us to tears.  The Brazilian tells Lynn she had a sexual encounter with Tamra.

She tells Lynne this in front of her one time partner, and it happened while they are still together, as they are now broken up.  Now Tamra will have to explain to her kids that she dumped their dad, was a lesbian for a minute, and talks non-stop about her great sex with Eddie.

This may be the worse show on television.  It’s embarrassing and why they continue to do it is mindboggling.  They are clearly not worried about their kids, only their own fame.  Next week will be interesting and I will be watching because I can’t stop.  I am addicted and keeping the faith.