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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Nightmare on Rodeo Drive

by Ilana Angel

October 15, 2010 | 12:02 am

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiered this week on Bravo and all I can say is Dear Lord, please make them go away.  Of all the women, from all the cities, including the horrific ladies of DC, these women are without a doubt the most mortifying women on television.

This is beyond a train wreck.  It is cringe worthy television and with each passing moment you have to question your sanity for not turning it off.  I was mesmerized and could not turn away, even though my skin was crawling.  Just when you think Bravo has hit bottom, they manage to scrape the gutter.

The first “lady” we meet is Lisa.  She is English and very attractive.  She is also in love with her dog and shares that she only has sex with her husband twice a year.  She lives in a mansion with only her husband and gay boy toy.  I cannot imagine she is happy with her life.

Adrienne is a Maloof.  She is teeny tiny and clearly spends a lot of time taking advantage of free services from her plastic surgeon husband.  I’m not a hairdresser, and it’s late, and I had a glass of wine with dinner, but still, I am pretty sure that she was wearing a wig.

Taylor has had so much work done on her face that nothing moves. She look like she is made out of plastic and let’s us know immediately upon meeting her that she is in a passionless marriage with a man that does not seem to care about her.  Maybe he is allergic to plastic.

Camille is a “dancer” but is better known as Kelsey Grammer’s wife.  She has four nannies and lives on a compound.  It’s distracting to see them together because we now know that while they were filming, he was dumping her and getting someone else pregnant.

Kim used to be a child actress.  She mentions this 164 times.  By 164 of course I mean I stopped counting after a dozen.  She is socially inept, jealous of her sister, and living in a delusional universe where she thinks we are still listening to her.

Kim’s sister is Kyle.  I found her annoying from the fist second she opened her mouth.  I don’t think there is anything appealing about her.  She is a nail on a chalkboard.  FYI:  she was also a child actor.  Who the hell are these people and why are they on television?

Before I go on, I want to make it clear that while I watched the show tonight, I will no longer be watching.  I love reality television, and a train wreck on Bravo is always entertaining, but there is no way I can sit through another minute of this crapfest without wanting to hurt myself.

The show starts off with Taylor going to get injections in her face which is disturbing.  It is disgusting and really quite sad.  She is obsessed with her husband leaving her. She predicts it, talks about, it, and does not hide her bitterness or stupidity.  She is both disgusting and tragic.

Adrienne is taking the ladies to Sacramento for the Kings/Lakers playoff game.  They are all on a private jet and as I’m watching I am making notes about who will be getting divorced first.  This is a miserable group of ladies who think they live fabulous lives because they have money.

We are now at minute 39 of 60 and I don’t think I can watch anymore.  Seriously Bravo, what is wrong with you?  Andy Cohen has lost his mind and needs to stop drinking in the clubhouse.  He has transformed into the sleaziest man on television and that is quite an accomplishment.

They are now in Sacramento and I am done.  I cannot watch another minute of this show.  It is the worst show on television and I would rather watch Michael Bolton dance than watch these chicks.  I am praying I can sleep and don’t have nightmares about dancing Botox needles.

I watched the ladies of Atlanta, which also came back on this week and I was bored.  I was certain the franchise would come alive in Beverly Hills but alas I am checking out and waiting for New York and OC to come back.  Atlanta, Beverly Hills and DC are simply embarrassing.

Andy Cohen used to be the rock star of reality television.  He is now just a guy who got lucky and wasted the opportunity by deciding to live in the gutter.  I hate this show.  My advice to the husbands and children of these women would be to change your names and keep the faith.

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